I was the only speaker to show up, so I had the stage to myself. I talked about staying in school, getting good grades and all that usual bullshit; and since I had plenty of time because those other guys didn't show, I threw it open for questions. The last one asked was, "Can you give us a couple of your life's philosophical beliefs? "
I said, "That's an easy one. Looking back over my lifetime, I've spent most of my money on guns, airplanes, fast cars, women and whiskey. The rest I just wasted."
I was escorted out without getting to finish my last two rules to live by:
1) If it flies, floats, or fucks, it's cheaper to rent it.
2) If it's got tits or tires, you're gonna have problems with it.
I hope they invite me back next year so I can finish They need to know this shit!
Thanks Hal!
He Left out "BOATS!!!!" and "SKYDIVING!!!!"
ReplyDeleteskybill
As my saintly dad used to tell me, “The only things that fall out of the sky are birdshot and fools”.
Deleteskybill, yeah but you got the idea.
DeleteBobo the Hobo, I thought that was birdshit.
DeleteIn the Aleutian campaign in WWII, it was often said pilots were old or bold, never both.
ReplyDeleteedutcher, never heard that one.
DeleteSounds like good advice.
ReplyDeleteKid, Damn straight!
Delete