Shut-in Libturd Thursday ~ Afternoon Edition

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Shut-in Libturd Thursday ~ Morning Edition

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Worth Another Look ~ Afternoon Edition

Luigi walks to work 20 blocks every day and passes a shoe store twice every day.

Each day he stops and looks in the window to admire the Armani leather shoes.

He wants those shoes so much...it's all he can think about.

After about 2 months he saves the price of the shoes, $300, and purchases them.

Every Friday night the Italian community holds a dance
in the church basement. Luigi seizes this opportunity
to wear his new Armani leather shoes for the first time.

He asks Sophia to dance and as they dance he asks her,
'Sophia, did you wear red panties tonight?'

Startled, Sophia replies, 'Yes, Luigi, I did wear red panties tonight, but how do you know?'

Luigi answers,’ I see the reflection in my new $300 Armani leather shoes. How do you like them?'


Next he asks Rosa to dance, and after a few minutes he asks, ‘Rosa, did you wear white panties tonight?'

Rosa answers, 'Yes, Luigi, I did, but how do you know that?'

He replies, 'I see the reflection in my new $300 Armani leather shoes... How do you like them?'


Luigi dances with many young ladies this evening and the same question is asked and answered by a very surprised young lady each time.

Now as the evening is almost over and the last song is being played, Luigi asks Carmela to dance.


Midway through the dance his face turns red...He states, 'Carmela, please tell me you wear no panties tonight.

Please, please, tella me this true!'

Carmela smiles coyly and answers, 'Yes Luigi, I wear no panties tonight...'

Luigi gasps, 'Thanka God ....


I thought I had a crack in my $300 Armani leather shoes...!

Thanks Jim

Worth Another Look ~ Morning Edition

The IRS decided to audit Grandpa, and summoned him to the IRS office. The IRS auditor was not surprised when Grandpa showed up with his attorney.

The auditor said, “Well, sir, you have an extravagant lifestyle and no full-time employment, which you explain by saying that you win money gambling. I’m not sure the IRS finds that believable.”

“I’m a great gambler, and I can prove it,” says Grandpa. “How about a demonstration?”

The auditor thinks for a moment and says, “OK. Go ahead.”

Grandpa says, “I’ll bet you a thousand dollars that I can bite my own eye.”

The auditor thinks a moment and says, “It’s a bet.”

Grandpa removes his glass eye and bites it. The auditor’s jaw drops.

Grandpa says, “Now, I’ll bet you two thousand dollars that I can bite my other eye.”

The auditor can tell Grandpa isn’t blind, so he takes the bet.

Grandpa removes his dentures and bites his good eye. The stunned auditor now realizes he has wagered and lost three grand, with Grandpa’s attorney as a witness. He starts to get nervous.

“Want to go double or nothing?” Grandpa asks. “I’ll bet you six thousand dollars that I can stand on one side of your desk, and pee into that wastebasket on the other side, and never get a drop anywhere in between.”

The auditor, twice burned, is cautious now, but he looks carefully and decides there’s no way this old guy could possibly manage that stunt, so he agrees again.

Grandpa stands beside the desk and unzips his pants, but although he strains mightily, he can’t make the stream reach the wastebasket on the other side, so he pretty much urinates all over the auditor’s desk.

The auditor leaps with joy, realizing that he has just turned a major loss into a huge win. But Grandpa’s attorney moans and puts his head in his hands.

“Are you OK?” the auditor asks.

“Not really,” says the attorney. “This morning, when Grandpa told me he’d been summoned for an audit, he bet me twenty-five thousand dollars that he could come in here and pee all over your desk and that you’d be happy about it.”

Don’t mess with old people!

****************************************

Linda Burnett, 23, a resident of San Diego, was visiting her in-laws and while there went to a nearby supermarket to pick up some groceries. Later, her husband noticed her sitting in her car in the driveway with the windows rolled up and with her eyes closed, with both hands behind the back of her head. He became concerned and walked over to the car. He noticed that Linda’s eyes were now open and she looked very strange. He asked her if she was okay, and Linda replied that she had been shot in the back of the head and had been holding her brains in for over an hour.

The husband called the paramedics, who broke into the car because the doors were locked and Linda refused to remove her hands from her head. When they finally got in, they found that Linda had a wad of bread dough on the back of her head.

A Pillsbury biscuit canister had exploded from the heat, making a loud noise that sounded like a gunshot, and the wad of dough hit her in the back of her head. When she reached back to find out what it was, she felt the dough and thought it was her brains. She initially passed out, but quickly recovered.

Linda is a blonde, a Democrat, and an Obama supporter, but that could all be a coincidence.

The defective biscuit canister was analyzed and the expiration date was from 2008, so it was determined to be Bush’s fault.

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Coronavirus Medicine ~ Afternoon Edition

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Coronavirus Medicine ~ Morning Edition

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Awww Monday ~ Woodsterman Style ~ 241 ~