Other Rule 5 ers:
Saturday, March 31, 2012
Friday, March 30, 2012
Thursday, March 29, 2012
Wednesday, March 28, 2012
In Honor of the Supreme Court This Week . . .
Thank you Fuzzy for the idea. In her last post she
called it "0"care. Great name huh. I used nice big
black letters because it's how we all feel about this
subject. The Libs trying to kill another freedom.
Click on it to steal it ... and PLEASE steal it.
Tuesday, March 27, 2012
Monday, March 26, 2012
Sunday, March 25, 2012
Saturday, March 24, 2012
Friday, March 23, 2012
Thursday, March 22, 2012
Wednesday, March 21, 2012
Old Man On A Moped
man on a Moped, looking about 90 years old,
pulls up next to a doctor at a street light.
The old man looks over at the sleek shiny car and asks,
The old man looks over at the sleek shiny car and asks,
"What kind of car ya got there, sonny?"
The doctor replies, "A Ferrari GTO. It cost
half a
million dollars!"
"That's a lot of money," says the old man.
"Why
does it cost so much?"
"Because this car can do up to 220 miles an
hour!"
states the doctor proudly.
The Moped driver asks, "Mind if I take a look
inside?"
"No problem," replies the doctor.
So the old man pokes his head in the window and
looks around. Then, sitting back on his Moped, the
old man says, "That's a
pretty nice car, all
right...but I'll stick with my Moped!"
Just then the light changes, so the doctor
decides
to show the old man just what his car can do. He
floors it, and within
30 seconds the speedometer
reads 150 mph..
reads 150 mph..
Suddenly, he notices a dot in his rear view
mirror.
It seems to be getting closer ! He slows down to see
what it could be and
suddenly WHOOOOSSSHHH!
Something whips by him going much faster!
Something whips by him going much faster!
"What on earth could be going faster than my
Ferrari?"
the doctor asks himself. He presses harder on the
accelerator and takes
the Ferrari up to 180 mph.
Then, up ahead of him, he sees that it's the old man
Then, up ahead of him, he sees that it's the old man
on the Moped!
Amazed that the Moped could pass his Ferrari,
he gives it more gas and passes the Moped at
200 mph and he's feeling
pretty good until he looks
in his mirror and sees the old man gaining on him AGAIN!
in his mirror and sees the old man gaining on him AGAIN!
Astounded by the speed of this old guy, he
floors the
gas pedal and takes the Ferrari all the way up to 220 mph.
Not ten seconds later, he sees the Moped bearing down
Not ten seconds later, he sees the Moped bearing down
on him again! The Ferrari is flat out, and there's nothing
he can
do! Suddenly, the Moped plows into the back of
his
Ferrari, demolishing the rear end. The doctor stops
and jumps out and unbelievably
the old man is still alive.
He runs up to the banged-up old guy and says,
He runs up to the banged-up old guy and says,
"I'm a doctor. Is there anything I can do for you ?"
The old man whispers,
"Unhook my suspenders from your side view mirror."
"Unhook my suspenders from your side view mirror."
Tuesday, March 20, 2012
Monday, March 19, 2012
Sunday, March 18, 2012
Getting Much Older . . .
Now this one
is just too
Precious...LOL!
Two elderly ladies had been friends for many decades. Over
the years, they had shared all kinds of activities and
adventures. Lately, their activities had been limited to
meeting a few times a week to play cards.
One day, they were playing cards when one looked at the
other and said, 'Now don't get mad at me ..... I know
we've been friends for a long time, but I just can't
think of your name! I've thought and thought, but I
can't remember it. Please tell me what your name is..'
Her friend glared at her for at least three minutes she
just stared and glared at her. Finally she said, 'How
soon do you need to know?'
TELL ME THIS WON'T HAPPEN TO US !!!!
Two elderly ladies had been friends for many decades. Over
the years, they had shared all kinds of activities and
adventures. Lately, their activities had been limited to
meeting a few times a week to play cards.
One day, they were playing cards when one looked at the
other and said, 'Now don't get mad at me ..... I know
we've been friends for a long time, but I just can't
think of your name! I've thought and thought, but I
can't remember it. Please tell me what your name is..'
Her friend glared at her for at least three minutes she
just stared and glared at her. Finally she said, 'How
soon do you need to know?'
TELL ME THIS WON'T HAPPEN TO US !!!!
SENIOR DRIVING
As a senior citizen was driving down the freeway, his cell
phone rang. Answering, he heard his wife's voice
urgently warning him, 'Herman, I just heard on the news
that there's a car going the wrong way on Interstate 77.
Please be careful!' 'Heck,' said Herman,
'It's not just one car.. It's hundreds of them!'
TELL ME THIS WON'T HAPPEN TO US !!!!
As a senior citizen was driving down the freeway, his cell
phone rang. Answering, he heard his wife's voice
urgently warning him, 'Herman, I just heard on the news
that there's a car going the wrong way on Interstate 77.
Please be careful!' 'Heck,' said Herman,
'It's not just one car.. It's hundreds of them!'
TELL ME THIS WON'T HAPPEN TO US !!!!
DRIVING
Two elderly women were out driving in a large car - both
could barely see over the dashboard. As they were cruising
along, they came to an intersection. The stoplight was red,
but they just went on through. The woman in the passenger
seat thought to herself 'I must be losing it. I could
have sworn we just went through a red light.'
After a few more minutes, they came to another intersection
and the light was red. Again, they went right through. The
woman in the passenger seat was almost sure that the light
had been red but was really concerned that she was losing
it. She was getting nervous.
At the next intersection, sure enough, the light was red
and they went on through. So she turned to the other woman
and said, 'Mildred, did you know that we just ran
through three red lights in a row? You could have killed us
both!'
Mildred turned to her and said, 'Oh, crap, am I driving?'
TELL ME THIS WON'T HAPPEN TO US !!!!
Two elderly women were out driving in a large car - both
could barely see over the dashboard. As they were cruising
along, they came to an intersection. The stoplight was red,
but they just went on through. The woman in the passenger
seat thought to herself 'I must be losing it. I could
have sworn we just went through a red light.'
After a few more minutes, they came to another intersection
and the light was red. Again, they went right through. The
woman in the passenger seat was almost sure that the light
had been red but was really concerned that she was losing
it. She was getting nervous.
At the next intersection, sure enough, the light was red
and they went on through. So she turned to the other woman
and said, 'Mildred, did you know that we just ran
through three red lights in a row? You could have killed us
both!'
Mildred turned to her and said, 'Oh, crap, am I driving?'
TELL ME THIS WON'T HAPPEN TO US !!!!
Thanks Dan !
Saturday, March 17, 2012
Friday, March 16, 2012
Thursday, March 15, 2012
Getting Older . . .
'I CAN HEAR
JUST FINE!'
Three retirees, each with a hearing loss, were playing golf
one fine March day. One remarked to the other, 'Windy,
isn't it?' 'No,' the second man replied,
'it's Thursday..' And the third man chimed in,
'So am I. Let's have a beer.'
TELL ME THIS WON'T HAPPEN TO US !!!!
______________________________
A little old lady was running up and down the halls in a
nursing home. As she walked, she would flip up the hem of
her nightgown and say 'Supersex...' She walked up to
an elderly man in a wheelchair. Flipping her gown at him,
she said, 'Supersex.' He sat silently for a moment
or two and finally answered, 'I'll take the
soup.'
TELL ME THIS WON'T HAPPEN TO US !!!!
Three retirees, each with a hearing loss, were playing golf
one fine March day. One remarked to the other, 'Windy,
isn't it?' 'No,' the second man replied,
'it's Thursday..' And the third man chimed in,
'So am I. Let's have a beer.'
TELL ME THIS WON'T HAPPEN TO US !!!!
______________________________
A little old lady was running up and down the halls in a
nursing home. As she walked, she would flip up the hem of
her nightgown and say 'Supersex...' She walked up to
an elderly man in a wheelchair. Flipping her gown at him,
she said, 'Supersex.' He sat silently for a moment
or two and finally answered, 'I'll take the
soup.'
TELL ME THIS WON'T HAPPEN TO US !!!!
Wednesday, March 14, 2012
Getting Old . . .
TELL ME
THIS WON'T
HAPPEN TO US
!!!!
An elderly Floridian called 911 on her cell phone to report
that her car has been broken into. She is hysterical as she
explains her situation to the dispatcher: 'They've
stolen the stereo, the steering wheel, the brake pedal and
even the accelerator!' she cried. The dispatcher said,
'Stay calm. An officer is on the way.' A few minutes
later, the officer radios in 'Disregard.' He says.
'She got in the back-seat by mistake.'
TELL ME THIS WON'T HAPPEN TO US !!
______________________________
Three sisters, ages 92, 94 and 96, live in a house
together.. One night the 96-year-old draws a bath. She puts
her foot in and pauses. She yells to the other sisters,
'Was I getting in or out of the bath?' The
94-year-old yells back, 'I don't know. I'll come
up and see.' She starts up the stairs and pauses
'Was I going up the stairs or down?' The 92-year-old was
sitting at the kitchen table having tea listening to her
sisters, she shakes her head and says, 'I sure hope I
never get that forgetful, knock on wood...' She then
yells, 'I'll come up and help both of you as soon as
I see who's at the door.'
An elderly Floridian called 911 on her cell phone to report
that her car has been broken into. She is hysterical as she
explains her situation to the dispatcher: 'They've
stolen the stereo, the steering wheel, the brake pedal and
even the accelerator!' she cried. The dispatcher said,
'Stay calm. An officer is on the way.' A few minutes
later, the officer radios in 'Disregard.' He says.
'She got in the back-seat by mistake.'
TELL ME THIS WON'T HAPPEN TO US !!
______________________________
Three sisters, ages 92, 94 and 96, live in a house
together.. One night the 96-year-old draws a bath. She puts
her foot in and pauses. She yells to the other sisters,
'Was I getting in or out of the bath?' The
94-year-old yells back, 'I don't know. I'll come
up and see.' She starts up the stairs and pauses
'Was I going up the stairs or down?' The 92-year-old was
sitting at the kitchen table having tea listening to her
sisters, she shakes her head and says, 'I sure hope I
never get that forgetful, knock on wood...' She then
yells, 'I'll come up and help both of you as soon as
I see who's at the door.'
Tuesday, March 13, 2012
Monday, March 12, 2012
Sunday, March 11, 2012
The Vasectomy ~ OR ~ Rule 5 Woodsterman Style
A man goes into the hospital for a vasectomy.
Before the procedure, a beautiful nurse comes into his room, takes his vitals, then tells him to take off all of his clothes.
Before the procedure, a beautiful nurse comes into his room, takes his vitals, then tells him to take off all of his clothes.
When he is fully undressed, she instructs him to lie down on a table. The man obeys. The nurse then removes all of her clothes, climbs on top, and has her way with him.
Upon the completion of the act, the man catches his breath and asks what that was all about. The nurse informs the patient that studies have shown that before a vasectomy, if the man has an ejaculation, he will be more relaxed and that the seminal vessels are easier for the surgeon to locate and sever.
The nurse then wheels the patient to the operating room. While they are going down the hall, the patient sees six men in a room, all of whom are masturbating. Curiosity prompts the man to ask, "What are they doing in there?"
The nurse responds, "They are getting vasectomies too, but you have Blue Cross, and they have Obama Care."
Saturday, March 10, 2012
Friday, March 9, 2012
Big Patriotism ~ A DaleToon
Dale at "Out of Order the Blog" (LINK) created this Masterpiece.
His artwork is always the best. If you post this,
please give him credit and a link back.
This is Dale's attempt to immortalize Andrew Breitbart
... He nailed it!
