Woodsterman

Sunday, August 16, 2015

Woodsterman's Minions

Thank You Facebook Friends

Saturday, August 15, 2015

Traffic Ducks? ~OR~ Rule 5 Woodsterman Style

Here is a traffic law question.

If you get it wrong you are probably too old to drive.



Traffic Question                     :

Most men will get this right!

Q:             You are driving along a narrow two lane road with a
        "NO PASSING FOR 2 MILES sign posted,
         And you come upon a bicycle rider.
Do you:

(a)       Follow this slow-moving bicycle rider for the next 2 miles , or

(b)          Do you break the law and pass?


Which is the correct choice?

Why take the chance of a ticket?

(She has been on my sidebar for 6 years, but she's nice in a post too.)

Thanks Hal!

***************

Below is a bit more than Woodsterman usually

Posts. Scroll at your own risk.

***************

Many of my good friends have told me that all they ever see posted here are dirty jokes and pictures.

To change your minds, I wanted to post this picture of a duck.
I have been told it is pretty good as duck pictures go.

So, I'm posting it knowing that a lot of you will appreciate this captured image.

I think it's a Mallard

Thanks Dan

Other Duck Loving Rule 5 ers:

Proof Positive

Randy's Roundtable

Reaganite Republican

Guns and Bikinis

Maggie's Notebook

RULE 5 SITES
TOTUS

In a Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad World
Adrienne's Corner
The Feral Irishman
Knuckledraggin My Life Away
Diogenes' Middle Finger
Ninety Miles From Tyranny
Doubletroubletwo
Angrymikes hood
MissK's World...
American Power
GOODSTUFF'S CYBER WORLD
A Nod To The Gods
Act Well Your Part
Subject to Change
Your Crazy Uncle Bubba
Political Clown Parade
The Last Tradition

Friday, August 14, 2015

Reality ~OR~ Friday Fun Woodsterman Style

Thanks Dan!

*****************

Thank You Facebook Friends

Thursday, August 13, 2015

The Wheel and Beer . . . .

The two most important events in all of history were
the invention of beer and the invention of the wheel...

Beer required grain and that was the beginning of agriculture.
Neither the glass bottle nor aluminum can were invented yet,

so while our early humans were sitting around waiting
for them to be invented,

they just stayed close to the brewery.
That's how villages were formed.

The wheel was invented to get man to the beer.

These two were the foundation of modern
civilization and, together,

were the catalyst for the splitting of humanity into two distinct subgroups:

1. Liberals.

2. Conservatives.

Some men spent their days tracking and killing animals
to BBQ at night while they were drinking beer. This was
the beginning of what is known as the
Conservative movement.

Other men who were less skilled at hunting learned to
live off the conservatives by showing up for the nightly
BBQ's and doing the sewing, fetching, and hairdressing.
This was the beginning of the Liberal movement.

Some of these liberal men evolved into women.
Others became known as girlie-men. Some noteworthy
Liberal achievements include the domestication of cats,
the invention of group therapy, group hugs, and the
concept of democratic voting to decide how to divide
the meat and beer that Conservatives provided.

Over the years Conservatives came to be symbolized
by the largest, most powerful land animal on earth,
the elephant. Liberals are symbolized by the jackass
for obvious reasons.

Modern Liberals like lite beer (with lime added),
but most prefer white wine or imported bottled water.
They eat raw fish but like their beef well done. Sushi,
tofu, and French food are standard Liberal fare.
Another interesting evolutionary side note: many
Liberal women have higher testosterone levels
than their men.

Most college professors, social workers, personal
injury attorneys, journalists, film makers in Hollywood,
group therapists and community organizers are Liberals.
Liberals meddled in our national pastime and invented the
designated hitter rule because it wasn't fair to make the
pitcher also bat.

Conservatives drink real beer. They eat red meat and
still provide for their women. Conservatives are big
game hunters, rodeo cowboys, lumberjacks, construction
workers, firemen, medical doctors, police officers, engineers,
corporate executives, athletes, members of the military,
airline pilots, and generally anyone who works productively.
Conservatives who own companies hire other conservatives
who want to work for a living.

Liberals produce little or nothing. They like to govern the
producers and decide what to do with the production.
Liberals believe Europeans are more enlightened than
Americans. That is why most of the Liberals remained in
Europe when Conservatives were coming to America .
They crept in after the Wild West was tamed and created a
business of trying to get more for nothing.

Here ends today's lesson in world history. It should be noted
that a Liberal may have a momentary urge to angrily respond
to this post.

A Conservative will simply laugh and be so convinced of the
absolute truth of this history that it will be shared immediately
to other true believers and to just piss off more liberals.

And there you have it. Let your next action reveal your true self.

I'm going to have another beer.

Thanks Hal

Wednesday, August 12, 2015

Oh Dear . . . .

Oh Dear Me Officer,

perhaps I made a mistake,

could you help me please ...?

An elderly Florida lady did her shopping and,

upon returning to her car, found four males

in the act of leaving with her vehicle.

She dropped her shopping bags and drew her handgun,

proceeding to scream at the top of her lungs,

“I have a gun, and I know how to use it!

Get out of the car!”. The four men didn't wait

for a second threat. They got out and ran like mad.

She then proceeded to load her shopping bags

into the back of the car and got into the driver’s

seat. She was so shaken that she could

not get her key into the ignition.

She tried and tried, and then she realized why.

It was for the same reason she had wondered

why there was a football, a Frisbee and two

12-packs of beer in the front seat. A few minutes later,

she found her own car parked four or five

spaces farther down.

She loaded her bags into the car and drove

to the police station to report her mistake.

The sergeant to whom she told the story couldn't

stop laughing. He pointed to the other end of the

counter, where four pale men were reporting a car

jacking by a mad, elderly woman described as white,

less than five feet tall, glasses, curly white hair,

and carrying a large handgun.

No charges were filed.

The moral of the story?

If you’re going to have a senior moment… make it memorable.

Thanks Hal

Tuesday, August 11, 2015

Psychiatrist vs. Bartender

Ever since I was a child, I've always had a fear of someone under my bed at night.
So I went to a shrink and told him: “I've got problems. Every time I go to bed I think there's somebody under it. I'm scared. I think I'm going crazy.”
“Just put yourself in my hands for one year, said the shrink. Come talk to me three times a week and we should be able to get rid of those fears.”
“How much do you charge?”
“Eighty dollars per visit,” replied the doctor.
“I'll sleep on it,” I said.
Six months later the doctor met me on the street. “Why didn't you come to see me about those fears you were having?” He asked.
“Well, Eighty bucks a visit, three times a week for a year, is $12,480.00. A bartender cured me for $10.00. I was so happy to have saved all that money that I went and bought me a new pickup truck.”
“Is that so?” With a bit of an attitude he said, “and how, may I ask, did a bartender cure you?”
“He told me to cut the legs off the bed. Ain't nobody under there now.”
It's always better to get a second opinion.

Thanks Hal

Monday, August 10, 2015

Elderly TV Watching . . . .

The longer you've been together, the funnier this becomes

An elderly couple were at home watching TV.
Phil had the remote and was switching back and

forth between a fishing channel and the porn channel.

Sally became more and more annoyed and finally said,

"For God's sake, Phil... leave it on the porn channel...

you know how to fish!"

Thanks Hal

Sunday, August 9, 2015

Church ~ Woodsterman Style

A few minutes before the church services started,

the congregation was sitting in their pews and chatting a among friends.
Suddenly, in a flash of light, Satan appeared in front of the congregation!

Everyone started screaming and running for the exits,

trampling each other in a frantic effort to get away

from the evil incarnate.

Soon the church was empty except for one elderly

cowboy who sat calmly in his pew without moving,

seemingly oblivious to the fact that God's ultimate

enemy was in his presence. So Satan walked up to

the man and said, 'Do you know who I am?'

The old cowboy replied, 'Yep, sure do.'

'Aren't you afraid of me?' Satan asked.

'Nope, sure ain't.' said the cowboy.

'Don't you realize I can kill you with one word?'

asked Satan.

'Don't doubt it for a minute,' returned the old man,

in an even tone.

'Did you know that I can cause you profound,

horrifying AGONY for all eternity?' persisted Satan.

'Yep,' was the calm reply.

'And you are still not afraid?' asked Satan.

'Nope,' said the old cowboy.

More than a little perturbed, Satan asked,

'Why aren't you afraid of me?'

The old cowboy calmly replied,

'Been married to your sister for 48 years.'

Thanks Hal