Lexophile

"Lexophile" is a word used to describe those that have a love for words,
such as "you can tune a piano, but you can't tuna fish", or "to write with
a broken pencil is pointless." A competition to see who can come up with
the best lexophiles is held every year in an undisclosed location.

Here are this year's winning submissions:

When fish are in schools, they sometimes take debate.

.. A thief who stole a calendar got twelve months.

.. When the smog lifts in Los Angeles U.C.L.A.

... The batteries were given out free of charge.

A dentist and a manicurist married. They fought tooth and nail.

... A will is a dead giveaway.

... With her marriage, she got a new name and a dress.

... A boiled egg is hard to beat.

.. When you've seen one shopping center you've seen a mall.

... Police were summoned to a daycare center where a three-year-old was
resisting a rest.

.. Did you hear about the fellow whose entire left side was cut off? He's
all right now.

... A bicycle can't stand alone; it's just two tired.

.. When a clock is hungry it goes back four seconds.

... The guy who fell onto an upholstery machine is now fully recovered.

.. He had a photographic memory which was never developed.

.. When she saw her first strands of grey hair she thought she'd dye.

.. Acupuncture is a jab well done. That's the point of it.

And finally:

... Those who get too big for their britches will be totally exposed in the
end.

Thanks Dan