Happy Halloween ~ Woodsterman Style

iPad Post For A Monday . . . .

We’ll boys and girls, my computer took a nose dive

yesterday. I bought a new one, but I haven't been

able to move everything from the backup hard drive

as yet. This post is by way of my iPad. Wish me luck.

I was very limited. I’d better get that computer going.

Very Scary . . .

I opened Safari this morning and all my bookmarks were there from I guess "iCloud".
Just like the photo, "It's like magic."

When I Was Your Age...

The minister was passing a group of young teens sitting on the church lawn and stopped to ask what they were doing.

"Nothing much, Pastor," replied one boy. "We were just seeing who can tell the
biggest lie about their sex life."

"Boys, boys, boys!" he scolded. "I'm shocked. When I was your age, I never even thought about sex."

In unison they all replied, "You win!"

Voodoo ~OR~ Rule 5 Woodsterman Style

A businessman was getting ready to go on a very lengthy business trip, so he thought he'd buy his wife something to keep her occupied while he was away.

He shopped and shopped looking at games and crafts before seeing a sex shop.
He went into the sex shop and explained his situation to the clerk.

The salesman there said, "Well, I don't know that I have anything that will keep her occupied for so many weeks,
except... the Voodoo Penis!"

The husband said, "The what?"

The man repeated, "The Voodoo Penis" and pulled out what seemed to be an ordinary dildo. 
The husband laughed and said, "It looks like an ordinary dildo!"

The salesman then pointed to the door and said, "Voodoo Penis, door!"

The penis rose out of its box, whizzed over to the door and started banging away on the keyhole. The whole door shook wildly with vibrations, so much that it shattered the glass.
Then the salesman said "Voodoo Penis, return to box!" and the penis stopped thrusting and immediately returned to the box.

The husband bought it and took it home to his wife. After the husband had been gone a few days, the wife began to miss him and remembered the Voodoo Penis.
She undressed, opened the box and said, "Voodoo Penis, my vagina."

The penis shot right to her vagina and went into action. It was absolutely incredible. After three mind shattering orgasms, she became very exhausted and decided she'd had enough.
She tried to pull it out, but it wouldn’t budge. Her husband had neglected to tell her how to stop it. So she put her clothes on, got in her car and headed to the hospital.
On the way there, another incredibly intense orgasm made her swerve all over the road. A police officer saw this and immediately pulled her over. He asked for her license, and then asked how much she'd had to drink.

Gasping and twitching, the woman said, "I haven't had anything to drink officer. You see, I've got this Voodoo Penis thing stuck in my vagina and it won't stop screwing me."
The officer looked at her for a second, shook his head and replied, "Yeah right... Voodoo Penis, my ass!" 

Thanks Dick

Other Voodoo Rule 5 ers:

The Other McCain 
Proof Positive

Randy's Roundtable

Guns and Bikinis

RULE 5 SITES
TOTUS

In a Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad World
Adrienne's Corner
The Feral Irishman
Knuckledraggin My Life Away
Diogenes' Middle Finger
Ninety Miles From Tyranny
Doubletroubletwo  
Angrymikes hood 
MissK's World...
American Power
GOODSTUFF'S CYBER WORLD
A Nod To The Gods   
Your Crazy Uncle Bubba
Political Clown Parade
 The Last Tradition
The Right Way

 

Scottish Diplomacy

            The following is a true bit of Scottish Diplomacy:……….

            One thing about blokes from Scotland is that their hearts and humour are always in the right place!

            Jimmy MacDonald, a City Councillor from Glasgow , was asked on a local live radio talk show, just what he thought about the allegations of torture of suspected terrorists.

            His reply prompted his ejection from the studio, but to thunderous applause from the audience.

            HIS STATEMENT:

            'If hooking up one rag head terrorist's testicles to a car battery gets the truth out of the lying little camel shagger to save just one Scottish soldiers life, then I have only three things to say, Red is positive, Black is negative, and make sure his nuts are wet.'

Thanks Hal

We've lost a GOOD Friend

We all know him as "GOODSTUFF"

He was actually Allen Reinertsen

and lived and blogged from

Bangkok, Thailand.

 (LINK) 

R.I.P. GOODSTUFF

 

The Genie . . . .

While walking on a beach during one of his many vacations, Obama found a bottle on the sand and picked it up. Suddenly, a female genie rose from the bottle and with a smile said, “Master, may I grant you one wish?”

Obama responded, “Don’t you know who I am? I don’t need any common woman giving me anything.”


The shocked genie said, “Please, I must grant you a wish or I will be returned to that bottle forever.”


Obama thought a moment, then after grumbling about the impertinence of the woman said, “Very well, I want to awaken with three white women in my bed in the morning – so just do it and be off with you.”


The annoyed genie said, “So be it!” and disappeared.


The next morning Obama awakened with Lorena Bobbitt, Tonya Harding, and Nancy Pelosi in his bed.


His penis was gone, his knees were broken, and he had no health insurance.

God is good.

Thanks Bob!

Beer . . . .

A Woman gets out of her Prius, walks into a bar and sits down next to a guy drinking a beer.

Woman: I see you drink beer.

Man: Yup

Woman: How many beers a day?

Man: Usually about 3

Woman: How much do you pay for each beer?

Man: About $5.00 including the tip

Woman: And how long have you been drinking?

Man: Maybe 20 years, I guess.

Woman: So a beer costs $5 and you have 3 beers a day which puts your spending each month at $450.

So in one year, it would be approximately $5400 correct?

Man: Yup.

Woman: For each year that you spend $5,400, not accounting for inflation, the past 20 years puts your spending at $108,000, correct?

Man: Yup.

Woman: Did you know that if you didn’t drink so much beer, that money could have been put in a step-up interest savings account and, after accounting for compound interest for the past 20 years, you could have bought a Ferrari?


Man: Do you drink beer?

Woman: No.

Man: Where’s your Ferrari?


Drink up !

Thanks Bob!

Irish Compassion . . . .

Irish Compassion....

    

    Shortly after take-off on an outbound evening Air Lingus flight from Dublin to Boston,
    the lead flight attendant nervously made the following painful announcement in her lovely Irish brogue:

    Ladies and gentlemen, I'm so very sorry,

    but it appears that there has been a terrible mix-up by our catering service.

    I don't know how this has happened, but we have 103 passengers on board,

    and unfortunately, we received only 40 dinner meals.

    I truly apologize for this mistake and inconvenience.

    When the muttering of the passengers had died down, she continued,

    "Anyone who is kind enough to give up their meal so that someone else can eat

    Will receive free, unlimited drinks for the duration of our 5 hour flight.

     Her next announcement came about 2 hours later:

    "If anyone is hungry, we still have 40 dinners available"

Thanks Hal

Awww Monday ~ Woodsterman Style ~ 124 ~

Must Be Bikes Today

Oops . . . . Late Again . . . . Lib Make Up

Thanks Facebook Buds

Football??? ~OR~ Rule 5 Woodsterman Style

Consider watching soccer instead of football !!!

 

This Is How Brazilian Women Celebrate A Soccer Goal!!!

PASS THIS ALONG TO YOUR SPORTING BUDDIES.

NO MORE COLIN KAEPERNICK BULLSHIT OR NFL FOR ME!!!

Thanks T-Bone

Other Soccer Cheering Rule 5 ers:

The Other McCain  
Proof Positive

Randy's Roundtable

Guns and Bikinis

RULE 5 SITES 
TOTUS

In a Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad World
Adrienne's Corner
The Feral Irishman
Knuckledraggin My Life Away 
Diogenes' Middle Finger
Ninety Miles From Tyranny
Doubletroubletwo  
Angrymikes hood 
MissK's World...
American Power
GOODSTUFF'S CYBER WORLD
A Nod To The Gods   
Your Crazy Uncle Bubba
Political Clown Parade
 The Last Tradition
The Right Way 

Liberal Friday

 Yes Jane - STILL!

ThursFunDay

Thanks Facebookees

(Posted Using Vivaldi ... I like it)

Wine 2 ~ Woodsterman Style

Thanks T-Bone