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Monday, April 13, 2015

PERKS OF GETTING OLD



1. Kidnappers are not very interested in you.

2. In a hostage situation you are likely to be released first.

3. No one expects you to run--anywhere.

4. People call at 9 PM and ask, "Did I wake you?"

5. People no longer view you as a hypochondriac.

6. There is nothing left to learn the hard way.

7. Things you buy now won't wear out.

8. You can eat supper at 5 PM.

9. You can live without sex but not your glasses.

10. You get into heated arguments about pension plans.

11. You no longer think of speed limits as a challenge.

12. You quit trying to hold your stomach in no matter who walks into the room.

13. You sing along with elevator music.

14. Your eyes won't get much worse.

15. Your investment in health insurance is finally beginning to pay off.

16. Your joints are more accurate meteorologists than the national weather service.

17. Your secrets are safe with your friends because they can't remember them either.

18. Your supply of brain cells is finally down to manageable size.

19. You can't remember who sent you this list.

20. And you notice these are all in Big Print for your convenience. 

Show this to everyone you can remember right now!

And remember, never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same day

Thanks Hal
at

23 comments:

  1. CurmudgeonApril 13, 2015 at 7:01 AM

    And you never thought you'd grow a hair there.

    Have a great week Odie.

    ReplyDelete
  2. AdrienneApril 13, 2015 at 7:30 AM

    An absolutely spot-on perfect list. I was in bed at 9pm last night only because at 8:30 I declared it "too early."

    ReplyDelete
  3. Ron RussellApril 13, 2015 at 7:54 AM

    Like that bottom one these most. I'm sure you understand the meaning of what I comprehend.

    ReplyDelete
  4. SandeeApril 13, 2015 at 9:12 AM

    These are ever so true Odie. I can relate to every single one. Well, except the last one. I know better than to try that one.

    Have a fabulous day. :)

    ReplyDelete
  5. cubeApril 13, 2015 at 9:18 AM

    I love these, but #9 is problematic...
    it's easy enough to have both.

    ReplyDelete
  6. TeresaApril 13, 2015 at 12:50 PM

    Too funny yet so true. Great list!

    ReplyDelete
  7. edutcherApril 13, 2015 at 1:38 PM

    1 only applies if you're not J Paul Getty.

    Which most of us aren't.

    ReplyDelete
  8. Woodsterman (Odie)April 13, 2015 at 4:25 PM

    Curmudgeon, where? Where?

    ReplyDelete
  9. Woodsterman (Odie)April 13, 2015 at 4:27 PM

    Adrienne, ain't that something. The only way I can make it to 9:00 is if I take a nap at 7:00.

    ReplyDelete
  10. Woodsterman (Odie)April 13, 2015 at 4:29 PM

    Ron, I had to read it to Mrs. Woodsterman so she would understand why I was laughing so hard.

    ReplyDelete
  11. Woodsterman (Odie)April 13, 2015 at 4:30 PM

    Sandee, what was that last one? I kind of forgot.

    ReplyDelete
  12. Woodsterman (Odie)April 13, 2015 at 4:32 PM

    Cube, if you have your glasses, you can find the remote, and you no longer need the sex.

    ReplyDelete
  13. Woodsterman (Odie)April 13, 2015 at 4:33 PM

    Teresa, they are me.

    ReplyDelete
  14. Woodsterman (Odie)April 13, 2015 at 4:34 PM

    edutcher, you're not?

    ReplyDelete
  15. Diogenes Sarcastica™ April 13, 2015 at 6:23 PM

    Thanks for reminding me of what I have to look forward to....besides menopause. ;)

    ReplyDelete
  16. Woodsterman (Odie)April 13, 2015 at 11:30 PM

    DS, glad to help.

    ReplyDelete
  17. LLApril 14, 2015 at 10:09 AM

    NEVER take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same day, absolutely goddamn never.

    ReplyDelete
  18. edutcherApril 14, 2015 at 12:42 PM

    Odie, let me look, I may have forgotten.

    ReplyDelete
  19. edutcherApril 14, 2015 at 12:42 PM

    Odie, let me look, I may have forgotten.

    ReplyDelete
  20. Woodsterman (Odie)April 14, 2015 at 5:48 PM

    LL, I laughed so much when I saw that one.

    ReplyDelete
  21. Woodsterman (Odie)April 14, 2015 at 5:49 PM

    edutcher, yes ... Yes ...

    ReplyDelete
  22. cubeApril 15, 2015 at 8:55 AM

    You're no fun.

    ReplyDelete
  23. Woodsterman (Odie)April 15, 2015 at 10:03 AM

    cube, but I can be ... I think.

    ReplyDelete

Put it here ... I can't wait to read it. I have the Captcha turned OFF but blogger insists it be there. You should be able to bypass it.

** Anonymous, please use a name at the end of your comment. You're all starting to look alike.

*** Moderation has been added due to Spam and a Commenter a little too caustic. I welcome comments, but talk of killing and racist (or even close to racist) are not welcome.