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Friday, November 7, 2014

Lovemaking Tips For Seniors


1. Wear your glasses to make sure your partner is actually in the bed.
 
2. Set timer for 3 minutes, in case you doze off in the middle.
 
3. Set the mood with lighting. (Turn them ALL OFF!)
  
4. Make sure you put 911 on your speed dial before you begin.
 
5. Write partner's name on your hand in case you can't remember...
 
6.  Use extra poly grip so your teeth don't end up under the bed.
 
7. Have Tylenol or whatever you use ready in case you actually complete the act...
 
8. Make all the noise you want... The neighbors are deaf, too.
 
9. If it works, call everyone you know with the good news .... even if its 8PM... !!
 
10.  Don't even think about trying it twice.

'OLD' IS WHEN... 
Your sweetie says, 'Let's go upstairs and make love,' and you answer,
'Pick one; I can't do both!'

'OLD' IS WHEN...   Your friends compliment you on your new alligator shoes
and you're barefoot.

'OLD' IS WHEN... Going bra-less pulls all the wrinkles out of your face.

'OLD' IS WHEN...  You are cautioned to slow down by the doctor instead of by the police.

'OLD' IS WHEN...  'Getting a little action' means you don't need to take a laxative today.

'OLD' IS WHEN....  'getting lucky' means you find your car in the parking lot...

'OLD' IS WHEN...   An 'all nighter' means not getting up to use the bathroom.

'OLD' IS WHEN...   You're not sure if these are facts or jokes.

(Posted in large type to enable reading.) Thank You Mr. Trailbee.

 Hi Folks, This is a note to let you know I'll be in a hospital
waiting room today while Mrs. Woodsterman has a pacemaker
installed. I've been a bit preoccupied lately and that is why.
It's a fairly simple procedure, but it's the reason for it is
what has me scared. 

Our friend Ron is having a procedure done today also. Stop
by TOTUS and wish him well. Trust me he'll love it. 

*** Update: She's had the procedure and doing fine. It was over at 9:00 and she's eaten already. Doing great. Thank you all so much for your concern. It really means a lot.
at

36 comments:

  1. sig94November 7, 2014 at 4:07 AM

    Hope everything goes well today. Despite what the experts say (common procedure, do it alla time, yada yada), it's still your loved one under the knife. Let us know...

    ReplyDelete
  2. USA_AdmiralNovember 7, 2014 at 4:38 AM

    Prayers and thought are with you!

    ReplyDelete
  3. Randy-gNovember 7, 2014 at 5:19 AM

    Best wishes for the Mrs. Odie. Quit keeping her up until 8:00 PM you old dog! Snark aside, I will ask God to send you both a special blessing.

    ReplyDelete
  4. AdrienneNovember 7, 2014 at 5:36 AM

    Sending massive prayers for Mrs. W today.

    ReplyDelete
  5. DickNovember 7, 2014 at 5:59 AM

    Sorry to hear that Odie. Praying for her quick recovery and that you have many more years together.

    ReplyDelete
  6. SandeeNovember 7, 2014 at 7:42 AM

    So all of this is really foreplay? I thought so. Bwahahahahahahaha.

    You'll be in my thoughts and prayers along with your wife and I'll go visit Ron. He's a buddy of mine.

    Have a blessed day and weekend. ☺

    ReplyDelete
  7. Mike aka ProofNovember 7, 2014 at 8:38 AM

    Odie: We hope everything goes well. We wish the best to you and your missus (especially the missus!).

    ReplyDelete
  8. cubeNovember 7, 2014 at 10:08 AM

    Hope everything goes well for Mrs. Odie and for you.

    ReplyDelete
  9. Woodsterman (Odie)November 7, 2014 at 11:30 AM

    sig94, I'd be lying if I had said I wasn't scared. Thank You Sir!

    ReplyDelete
  10. Woodsterman (Odie)November 7, 2014 at 11:31 AM

    Thank You Admiral.

    ReplyDelete
  11. Woodsterman (Odie)November 7, 2014 at 11:31 AM

    Thank You Randy.

    ReplyDelete
  12. Woodsterman (Odie)November 7, 2014 at 11:33 AM

    Thank You Adrienne, they seem to have arrived.

    ReplyDelete
  13. Woodsterman (Odie)November 7, 2014 at 11:33 AM

    Thank You Dick.

    ReplyDelete
  14. Woodsterman (Odie)November 7, 2014 at 11:34 AM

    Thank You Sandee,

    ReplyDelete
  15. Woodsterman (Odie)November 7, 2014 at 11:35 AM

    Thank You Proof, All did go well.

    ReplyDelete
  16. Woodsterman (Odie)November 7, 2014 at 11:36 AM

    Thank You Cube.

    ReplyDelete
  17. edutcherNovember 7, 2014 at 12:17 PM

    Best to you and Mrs Odie.

    Now you have an excuse to say, "Not tonight"

    ReplyDelete
  18. Woodsterman (Odie)November 7, 2014 at 12:36 PM

    Thank You Edutcher, I've never said that and I refuse to start.

    ReplyDelete
  19. MadJackNovember 7, 2014 at 1:36 PM

    Odie very glad your wife came out of the procedure AOK. Tough having to worrying about the better half.

    ReplyDelete
  20. Scooney AdriftNovember 7, 2014 at 2:04 PM

    Glad to hear she did well with the procedure. I can understand your being anxious.

    ReplyDelete
  21. Woodsterman (Odie)November 7, 2014 at 2:29 PM

    MadJack, thank you sir. She has a room full of guests and she's chipper.

    ReplyDelete
  22. Woodsterman (Odie)November 7, 2014 at 2:30 PM

    Scooney, thank you sir. She's doing great.

    ReplyDelete
  23. ZNovember 7, 2014 at 5:16 PM

    I'm SO glad your wife's doing well! They get such good results with pacemakers!
    I hope the "reason for it that has you scared" has been alleviated thru this procedure.
    All the best to you both.

    That list above is hilarious...just #1 got me laughing before I read the rest!

    ReplyDelete
  24. AnonymousNovember 7, 2014 at 8:16 PM

    Hey Odie! Don from CH2.0...tell your Missus that I know what she's going through, I've got one of them rascals in my chest, too. It's a pacemaker/defibrillator and it has saved my life at least three times that I know of.

    ReplyDelete
  25. AnonymousNovember 7, 2014 at 9:51 PM

    I am praying for you and Mrs.Odie

    ReplyDelete
  26. skybillNovember 7, 2014 at 10:50 PM

    Thanks Odie,
    ...On the other hand....forget it!!!! I'm almost, but not quite 70 years old so I might qualify. Tonight I had the test of tests put to me and all my motor functions, cognizant functions interface and all that physiological whiz-bang crap got put to the test when some idiot pulled in from across two lanes of traffic and decided he wanted to drive,"siting in my lap!!!" I managed to ascertain his trajectory interface with my ty-fighter and take the appropriate evasive maneuvers, "However," my guns jammed and I couldn't get off a proton torpedo before his shit scared ass high tailed it out of the galaxy!! Pissed me off to say the least, But!, under the circumstances, my reflexes are still in excellent shape!!! Got that!! So, as long as I can "Lock and Load!!" as ol' Geo. Patton would say,"May God help my enemies, I won't!!"(or something to that effect)
    BSBD,
    III%,
    skybill-out

    ReplyDelete
  27. Reaganite IndependentNovember 8, 2014 at 12:20 AM

    Prayers across the miles, Wood Man

    ReplyDelete
  28. BrigNovember 8, 2014 at 7:24 AM

    Prayers Up for both of you. BIL has had one for years and done really well with it. Interestingly they recalibrate it via cell phone held up to his chest.

    ReplyDelete
  29. Woodsterman (Odie)November 8, 2014 at 7:47 AM

    Z, thank you so much. We're both doing great. I'm getting ready to head back.

    ReplyDelete
  30. Woodsterman (Odie)November 8, 2014 at 7:50 AM

    Don, thanks for telling me who you are, I never would of guessed. What you have is the exact same thing Sue just had installed.

    ReplyDelete
  31. Woodsterman (Odie)November 8, 2014 at 7:51 AM

    Thank You Rick!

    ReplyDelete
  32. Woodsterman (Odie)November 8, 2014 at 7:56 AM

    Thank You RR!

    ReplyDelete
  33. Woodsterman (Odie)November 8, 2014 at 7:59 AM

    Skybill, I love when you leave me these coded messages. How long did it take you to get that seat cushion out of your ass?

    ReplyDelete
  34. Woodsterman (Odie)November 8, 2014 at 8:00 AM

    Thank You Brighid!

    ReplyDelete
  35. Ron RussellNovember 12, 2014 at 11:28 AM

    Thanks for the thought Odie. Hope the Mrs is fine---adventures in surgery are trying times.

    ReplyDelete
  36. Woodsterman (Odie)November 12, 2014 at 3:17 PM

    Ron, All went well, and best to you Buddy.

    ReplyDelete

Put it here ... I can't wait to read it. I have the Captcha turned OFF but blogger insists it be there. You should be able to bypass it.

** Anonymous, please use a name at the end of your comment. You're all starting to look alike.

*** Moderation has been added due to Spam and a Commenter a little too caustic. I welcome comments, but talk of killing and racist (or even close to racist) are not welcome.