Thursday, July 31, 2014
Wednesday, July 30, 2014
Tuesday, July 29, 2014
Monday, July 28, 2014
Sunday, July 27, 2014
Saturday, July 26, 2014
More Blondishness ~OR~ Rule 5 Woodsterman Style
Magic Mirror
There was this bar and in the bar there was a magic mirror.
If you told a lie it would suck you in.
One day a brunette walked into this bar.
If you told a lie it would suck you in.
One day a brunette walked into this bar.
She walked up to the mirror
and said 'I think
I'm the most beautiful woman in the world'
and it
sucked her in.
The next day a redhead walked into the bar.
The next day a redhead walked into the bar.
She walked up to the
mirror and said 'I think
I'm the most beautiful woman in the world'
and
it sucked her in.
Then the next day a blond walked into the bar.
Then the next day a blond walked into the bar.
She walked up to the mirror and said
'I think...' and it sucked her in.
Other Blonde Rule 5 ers:
In a Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad World
Adrienne's Corner
The Feral Irishman
Knuckledraggin My Life Away
Diogenes' Middle Finger
Ninety Miles From Tyranny
Doubletroubletwo
Angrymikes hood
MissK's World...
American Power
GOODSTUFF'S CYBER WORLD
A Nod To The Gods
Act Well Your Part
Subject to Change
Your Crazy Uncle Bubba
Adrienne's Corner
The Feral Irishman
Knuckledraggin My Life Away
Diogenes' Middle Finger
Ninety Miles From Tyranny
Doubletroubletwo
Angrymikes hood
MissK's World...
American Power
GOODSTUFF'S CYBER WORLD
A Nod To The Gods
Act Well Your Part
Subject to Change
Your Crazy Uncle Bubba
Friday, July 25, 2014
Thursday, July 24, 2014
When Comedy Was Funny!
These great questions and answers are from
the days when Hollywood Squares'
game show responses were spontaneous,
game show responses were spontaneous,
not scripted, as they are now!
Q.. Paul, what is a good reason for pounding meat?
A. Paul Lynde: Loneliness!
(The audience laughed so long and so hard it took up
A. Paul Lynde: Loneliness!
(The audience laughed so long and so hard it took up
almost 15 minutes of the show!)
*********************************************
Q. Do female frogs croak?
A. Paul Lynde: If you hold their little heads under water long enough.
*********************************************
Q. If you're going to make a parachute jump, at least how high should you be
A. Charley Weaver: Three days of steady drinking should do it.
*********************************************
Q. True or False, a pea can last as long as 5,000 years...
A. George Gobel: Boy, it sure seems that way sometimes.
*********************************************
Q. You've been having trouble going to sleep. Are you probably a man or a woman?
A.. Don Knotts: That's what's been keeping me awake.
*********************************************
Q. According to Cosmopolitan, if you meet a stranger at a party and you think that he is attractive, is it okay to come out and ask him if he's married?
A.. Rose Marie: No wait until morning.
*********************************************
Q. Which of your five senses tends to diminish as you get older?
A. Charley Weaver: My sense of decency..
*********************************************
Q. What are 'Do It,' 'I Can Help,' and 'I Can't Get Enough'?
A. George Gobel: I don't know, but it's coming from the next apartment.
*********************************************
Q. As you grow older, do you tend to gesture more or less with your hands while talking?
A. Rose Marie: You ask me one more growing old question Peter, and I'll give you a gesture you'll never forget.
*********************************************
Q. Paul, why do Hell's Angels wear leather?
A. Paul Lynde: Because chiffon wrinkles too easily.
*********************************************
Q.. Charley, you've just decided to grow strawberries. Are you going to get any during the first year?
A.. Charley Weaver: Of course not, I'm too busy growing strawberries.
*********************************************
Q. In bowling, what's a perfect score?
A. Rose Marie: Ralph, the pin boy.
*********************************************
Q. During a tornado, are you safer in the bedroom or in the closet?
A. Rose Marie: Unfortunately Peter, I'm always safe in the bedroom.
*********************************************
Q. Can boys join the Camp Fire Girls?
A.. Marty Allen: Only after lights out.
*********************************************
Q. When you pat a dog on its head he will wag his tail. What will a goose do?
A. Paul Lynde: Make him bark?
*********************************************
Q. If you were pregnant for two years, what would you give birth to?
A. Paul Lynde: Whatever it is, it would never be afraid of the dark..
*********************************************
Q. According to Ann Landers, is there anything wrong with getting into the habit of kissing a lot of people?
A. Charley Weaver: It got me out of the army.
*********************************************
Q. Back in the old days, when Great Grandpa put horseradish on his head, what was he trying to do?
A. George Gobel: Get it in his mouth.
*********************************************
Q. Who stays pregnant for a longer period of time, your wife or your elephant?
A. Paul Lynde: Who told you about my elephant?
*********************************************
Q. Jackie Gleason recently revealed that he firmly believes in them and has actually seen them on at least two occasions. What are they?
A. Charley Weaver: His feet.
*********************************************
Q. According to Ann Landers, what are two things you should never do in bed?
A. Paul Lynde: Point and laugh
Q. If you're going to make a parachute jump, at least how high should you be
A. Charley Weaver: Three days of steady drinking should do it.
*********************************************
Q. True or False, a pea can last as long as 5,000 years...
A. George Gobel: Boy, it sure seems that way sometimes.
*********************************************
Q. You've been having trouble going to sleep. Are you probably a man or a woman?
A.. Don Knotts: That's what's been keeping me awake.
*********************************************
Q. According to Cosmopolitan, if you meet a stranger at a party and you think that he is attractive, is it okay to come out and ask him if he's married?
A.. Rose Marie: No wait until morning.
*********************************************
Q. Which of your five senses tends to diminish as you get older?
A. Charley Weaver: My sense of decency..
*********************************************
Q. What are 'Do It,' 'I Can Help,' and 'I Can't Get Enough'?
A. George Gobel: I don't know, but it's coming from the next apartment.
*********************************************
Q. As you grow older, do you tend to gesture more or less with your hands while talking?
A. Rose Marie: You ask me one more growing old question Peter, and I'll give you a gesture you'll never forget.
*********************************************
Q. Paul, why do Hell's Angels wear leather?
A. Paul Lynde: Because chiffon wrinkles too easily.
*********************************************
Q.. Charley, you've just decided to grow strawberries. Are you going to get any during the first year?
A.. Charley Weaver: Of course not, I'm too busy growing strawberries.
*********************************************
Q. In bowling, what's a perfect score?
A. Rose Marie: Ralph, the pin boy.
*********************************************
Q. During a tornado, are you safer in the bedroom or in the closet?
A. Rose Marie: Unfortunately Peter, I'm always safe in the bedroom.
*********************************************
Q. Can boys join the Camp Fire Girls?
A.. Marty Allen: Only after lights out.
*********************************************
Q. When you pat a dog on its head he will wag his tail. What will a goose do?
A. Paul Lynde: Make him bark?
*********************************************
Q. If you were pregnant for two years, what would you give birth to?
A. Paul Lynde: Whatever it is, it would never be afraid of the dark..
*********************************************
Q. According to Ann Landers, is there anything wrong with getting into the habit of kissing a lot of people?
A. Charley Weaver: It got me out of the army.
*********************************************
Q. Back in the old days, when Great Grandpa put horseradish on his head, what was he trying to do?
A. George Gobel: Get it in his mouth.
*********************************************
Q. Who stays pregnant for a longer period of time, your wife or your elephant?
A. Paul Lynde: Who told you about my elephant?
*********************************************
Q. Jackie Gleason recently revealed that he firmly believes in them and has actually seen them on at least two occasions. What are they?
A. Charley Weaver: His feet.
*********************************************
Q. According to Ann Landers, what are two things you should never do in bed?
A. Paul Lynde: Point and laugh
Thanks Dan!
Wednesday, July 23, 2014
Tuesday, July 22, 2014
Still My Hero
My
Twilight Years ~ Clint
Eastwood
As I
enjoy my twilight
years, I am often
struck by the
inevitability that the
party must end. There
will be a clear, cold
morning when there
isn't any "more." No
more hugs, no more
special moments to
celebrate together, no
more phone calls just
to chat. It seems to
me that one of the
important things to do
before that morning
comes, is to let
everyone of your
family and friends
know that you care for
them by finding simple
ways to let them know
your heartfelt beliefs
and the guiding
principles of your
life so they can
always say, "He was my
friend, and I know
where he stood."
So,
just in case I'm gone
tomorrow, please know
this: I voted against
that incompetent,
lying, flip-flopping,
insincere,
double-talking,
radical socialist,
terrorist excusing,
bleeding heart,
narcissistic,
scientific and
economic moron
currently in the White
House!
Participating
in a gun buy-back
program because you
think that criminals
have too many guns is
like having yourself
castrated because you
think your neighbors
have too many kids.
Regards,
Clint
DAMN! Another one got by me. Usually, the someone that sends
me this stuff has to be "Snope" tested. I was in a hurry and let
this one go. I'm leaving it up because I really wish Clint Eastwood
had said it.
Reference: http://www.snopes.com/politics/quotes/twilightyears.asp
DAMN! Another one got by me. Usually, the someone that sends
me this stuff has to be "Snope" tested. I was in a hurry and let
this one go. I'm leaving it up because I really wish Clint Eastwood
had said it.
Reference: http://www.snopes.com/politics/quotes/twilightyears.asp
Monday, July 21, 2014
Sunday, July 20, 2014
How Adam Got Eve - The True Story
Nothing like a good Bible story to make your day.
Adam was hanging around the garden of Eden feeling very lonely.
So, God asked him, "What's wrong with you?"
Adam said he didn't have anyone to talk to.
God said that He was going to make Adam a companion and that it would be a woman.
He said, "This pretty lady will gather food for you, she will cook for you,
and when you discover clothing, she will wash it for you.
"She will always agree with every decision you make and she will not nag you,
and will always be the first to admit she was wrong when you've had a disagreement.
"She will praise you!
"She will bear your children, and never ask you to get up in the middle of the night to
take care of them.
"She will NEVER have a headache and will freely give you love and passion whenever
you need it."
Adam asked God, "What will a woman like this cost?"
God replied, "An arm and a leg."
Then Adam asked, "What can I get for a rib?"
Of course the rest is history!!!!
Thanks Trailbee!
Saturday, July 19, 2014
Static and Hula Hoops ~OR~ Rule 5 Woodsterman Style
A good example of static electricity ~OR~ Static Cling
************************
Do you remember the hula hoop?
Well in case you forgot what it is, & what a fun toy it was...
This should help your declining memory.........
Remember?............ :-)
Mesmerizing isn't it ?..........
Thanks Trailbee and Dan!
Other Crazy Rule 5 ers:
Friday, July 18, 2014
Survivor ~ Texas Style
This from a transplanted Texan!!
Due to the popularity of the "Survivor" shows,
Texas is planning to do one entitled:
"Survivor – Texas Style!"
The contestants will all start in Dallas, drive to Waco,
The contestants will all start in Dallas, drive to Waco,
Austin, San Antonio, then over to Houston and down
to Brownsville. They will then proceed through Mission,
up to Del Rio, El Paso, Odessa, Midland, Lubbock, and
Amarillo. From there they will go on to Abilene and
Fort Worth and finally back to Dallas.
Each contestant will be driving a pink Prius with
Each contestant will be driving a pink Prius with
14 bumper stickers which will read:
1.. "I'm A Democrat"
2. "Amnesty For Illegals"
3. "I Love The Dixie Chicks"
4. "Boycott Beef"
5. "I Voted For Obama"
6. "George Strait can't sing"
7. "Elect Hillary In 2016"
8. "Vote Eric Holder Texas Governor"
9. "I Love Obama Care and Chuck Schumer"
10. "Al Franken Is My Hero"
11. "I Side With Jane Fonda"
12. "It's Bush's Fault"
13. "Islam Is A Peace-Loving Religion"
And the last sticker is…
14. "I'm Here To Confiscate Your Guns"
The first contestant to make it back to Dallas alive wins.
2. "Amnesty For Illegals"
3. "I Love The Dixie Chicks"
4. "Boycott Beef"
5. "I Voted For Obama"
6. "George Strait can't sing"
7. "Elect Hillary In 2016"
8. "Vote Eric Holder Texas Governor"
9. "I Love Obama Care and Chuck Schumer"
10. "Al Franken Is My Hero"
11. "I Side With Jane Fonda"
12. "It's Bush's Fault"
13. "Islam Is A Peace-Loving Religion"
And the last sticker is…
14. "I'm Here To Confiscate Your Guns"
The first contestant to make it back to Dallas alive wins.
Thanks Trailbee !
