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Monday, April 15, 2013

Off Color Monday ... I'm Being Bad



1) Which sexual position produces the ugliest children?

Ask your mother.
__________________________________________________________
2) How do you embarrass an archaeologist?

Give him a tampon and ask him which period it came from.
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3) What's the difference between a bitch and a whore?

A whore sleeps with everybody at the party; A bitch sleeps with everybody at the party except you.
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4) What's the difference between love, true love, and showing off?

Spitting, swallowing, and gargling.
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5) What's the difference between a Catholic wife and a Jewish wife?

A Catholic wife has real orgasms and fake jewelry.
__________________________________________________________
6) What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying?

The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving.
___________________________________________________________
7) What is the biggest problem for an atheist?

No one to talk to during orgasm.
___________________________________________________________
8) What do you call an Amish guy with his hand up a horse's ass?

A mechanic.
___________________________________________________________
9) Who is the most popular guy at the nudist colony?

The guy who can carry a cup of coffee in each hand and a dozen donuts.
___________________________________________________________
10) Who is the most popular girl at the nudist colony?

The one who can eat the last donut.
___________________________________________________________
11) Jewish dilemma:
 
Free PORK.
___________________________________________________________
12) The three words men hate to hear most during sex:
 
'Are you in?'
___________________________________________________________
13) The three words women hate to hear most during sex:
 
'Honey, I'm home!'

I'm an equal opportunity insulter ... Thanks David !
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24 comments:

  1. LLApril 15, 2013 at 5:33 AM

    Fodder for happy hour at the local pub.

    ReplyDelete
  2. USA_AdmiralApril 15, 2013 at 6:32 AM

    I think everyone was mentioned in this post.

    ReplyDelete
  3. SandeeApril 15, 2013 at 7:37 AM

    Bwahahahahahahaha. You're not bad you're just you. We like that you know.

    Have a terrific day. :)

    ReplyDelete
  4. Woodsterman (Odie)April 15, 2013 at 7:53 AM

    LL, great idea.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Woodsterman (Odie)April 15, 2013 at 7:54 AM

    Admiral, I'm sorry, I thought I omitted you.

    ReplyDelete
  6. Woodsterman (Odie)April 15, 2013 at 7:55 AM

    Sandee, why thank my Lady.

    ReplyDelete
  7. AnonymousApril 15, 2013 at 8:02 AM

    Odie your awesome, those are hilarious! Thanks gor the smiles always :)

    ReplyDelete
  8. UnknownApril 15, 2013 at 8:53 AM

    AHH, reminds me of the good ole; Bad ole? days...I think...

    ReplyDelete
  9. trailbeeApril 15, 2013 at 10:10 AM

    When did you meet my mother? I didn't know you were that old! :)

    ReplyDelete
  10. Ron RussellApril 15, 2013 at 10:14 AM

    Those are in poor taste, very poor taste. But I would expect nothing less than from a wannabe redneck. That said, I did enjoy those, but had to think a moment on no. 9. I can't carry a dozen, not even one donut, the hole is just too small.

    ReplyDelete
  11. Woodsterman (Odie)April 15, 2013 at 11:30 AM

    2T2, thank yee kindly. Glad you enjoyed.

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  12. Woodsterman (Odie)April 15, 2013 at 11:31 AM

    Scott, here?

    ReplyDelete
  13. Woodsterman (Odie)April 15, 2013 at 11:33 AM

    Trailbee, I'm as old as dirt.

    ReplyDelete
  14. Woodsterman (Odie)April 15, 2013 at 11:39 AM

    Ron, so you need custom doughnuts huh. It would be worth it for that doughnut eater.

    Sorry about not getting around today. I'm under the weather and in my sweats in my chair covered with my blanky. I'm using my iPhone while the little woman is playing Spiders on the computer.

    ReplyDelete
  15. Sheik YerBoutiApril 15, 2013 at 1:12 PM

    Nice place ya got here - love these and plan on coming back often. Hope you get to feeling better.

    ReplyDelete
  16. edutcherApril 15, 2013 at 1:47 PM

    If you've ever read the Song of Solomon, you know 5 is not only nasty, but presumably untrue.

    Although the Catholic wife may still have more of them.

    :0

    ReplyDelete
  17. AnonymousApril 15, 2013 at 4:26 PM

    Thanks for the laugh

    ReplyDelete
  18. Woodsterman (Odie)April 16, 2013 at 6:08 AM

    Shiek, with a name like that you're bound to like this place. Saturday's post had a post you'd love.

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  19. Woodsterman (Odie)April 16, 2013 at 6:09 AM

    Edutcher, jewelry is good.

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  20. Woodsterman (Odie)April 16, 2013 at 6:10 AM

    Rick, that's what try to do here.

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  21. cubeApril 16, 2013 at 10:09 AM

    Bad, but funny.

    ReplyDelete
  22. Woodsterman (Odie)April 16, 2013 at 11:19 AM

    Cube, I'm a baaad boy.

    ReplyDelete
  23. Sheik YerBoutiApril 16, 2013 at 2:21 PM

    I stole the name, blatantly, from a Frank Zappa album title. Now if I can just get my avatar to work...

    ReplyDelete
  24. Woodsterman (Odie)April 16, 2013 at 4:44 PM

    Booti, you'll figure it out. I can just imagine what it will be.

    ReplyDelete

Put it here ... I can't wait to read it. I have the Captcha turned OFF but blogger insists it be there. You should be able to bypass it.

** Anonymous, please use a name at the end of your comment. You're all starting to look alike.

*** Moderation has been added due to Spam and a Commenter a little too caustic. I welcome comments, but talk of killing and racist (or even close to racist) are not welcome.