Friday, August 31, 2012
Thursday, August 30, 2012
Wednesday, August 29, 2012
Tuesday, August 28, 2012
The Preacher
A South
Carolina
pastor said to
his
congregation,
“Someone in
this
congregation
has spread a
rumor
that I
belong to the
Ku Klux Klan.
This is a
horrible
lie
and one which
a Christian
community
cannot
tolerate. I am
embarrassed
and do not
intend to
accept this.
Now, I want
the party who
said this to
stand and ask
forgiveness
from God and
this
Christian
family."
No one moved.
The preacher continued, "Do you have the nerve to
face
me and admit
this is a
falsehood?
Remember,
you
will be
forgiven and
in your heart
you will feel
glory. Now
stand and
confess your
transgression."
Again, all was quiet .
Then,
slowly, a
drop-dead
gorgeous
beauty with a
body that
would stop a
runaway train
rose from the
third pew. Her
head was bowed
and her voice
quivered as
she spoke,
"Reverend
there has been
a
terrible
misunderstanding.
I never said
you were a
member of the
Ku Klux Klan.
I simply told
a couple
of my
friends that
you were a
wizard under
the sheets."
Monday, August 27, 2012
Sunday, August 26, 2012
Saturday, August 25, 2012
Friday, August 24, 2012
Thursday, August 23, 2012
Wednesday, August 22, 2012
Tuesday, August 21, 2012
Monday, August 20, 2012
Sunday, August 19, 2012
Saturday, August 18, 2012
The Blond ~ OR ~ Rule 5 Woodsterman Style
This blonde decides one day that she is sick and tired of all
these blonde jokes and how all blondes are perceived as stupid,
these blonde jokes and how all blondes are perceived as stupid,
so she decides to show her husband that blondes really are
smart. While her husband is off at work, she decides that she is
going to paint a couple of rooms in the house.
smart. While her husband is off at work, she decides that she is
going to paint a couple of rooms in the house.
The next day, right after her husband leaves for work, she gets
down to the task at hand. Her husband arrives home at 5:30 and
down to the task at hand. Her husband arrives home at 5:30 and
smells the distinctive smell of paint. He walks into the living
room and finds his wife lying on the floor in a pool of sweat.
He notices that she is wearing a ski jacket and a fur coat at
the same time.
room and finds his wife lying on the floor in a pool of sweat.
He notices that she is wearing a ski jacket and a fur coat at
the same time.
He goes over and asks her if she is OK. She replies yes. He asks
what she is doing. She replies that she wanted to prove to him
that not all blonde women are dumb and she wanted to do it by
painting the house.
what she is doing. She replies that she wanted to prove to him
that not all blonde women are dumb and she wanted to do it by
painting the house.
He then asks her why she has a ski jacket
over her fur coat. She replies that she was reading the
directions on the paint can and they said....
FOR BEST RESULTS, PUT ON TWO COATS.
over her fur coat. She replies that she was reading the
directions on the paint can and they said....
FOR BEST RESULTS, PUT ON TWO COATS.
Blond joke stolen from "Cool Blonde Jokes" (LINK)
Other Rule 5 ers:
Doing a show this weekend (Friday, Saturday, and Sunday) and will be scarce.
Friday, August 17, 2012
Thursday, August 16, 2012
My Electric Bill...
I complained about my recent electric bill and here's the response :
Dear Customer,
Just a little note to let you know we understand your anger in the recent price hike.
But it should be noted that you have no choice.
We are a big company and you will pay what we tell you.
You have no choice We have the power, you need the power.
So sad....too bad. We have enclosed a little picture to help
outline our response. Have a nice day and keep those checks coming!
Sincerely,
Your Local Power Co .
outline our response. Have a nice day and keep those checks coming!
Sincerely,
Your Local Power Co .
Thanks David !
Wednesday, August 15, 2012
Tuesday, August 14, 2012
Monday, August 13, 2012
*A Few Months From Now...*
Stolen From Joe Lyddon:
The Presidential election of 2012 was too close to call. Neither Mitt
Romney nor Barack Obama had enough electoral votes to win. There was
much talk about ballot recounting, court challenges, etc., but it was
mutually decided that a week-long ice fishing competition seemed the
most sportsmanlike way to settle this election.
*The candidate that caught the most fish at the end of the week would win the election and become the President of the United States of America. *
After much of back and forth negotiations, it was decided that the contest would take place on the remote frozen Lake Metigoshe, in north central North Dakota, a non-swing state that could be considered a neutral site. There were to be no observers present with each fishing candidate. Both men were to be sent out separately on this isolated lake near the Canadian border. Both would return at 5 PM with their day's catch for counting and verification by a team of neutral parties.
*At the end of the first day *of fishing in sub-zero temperatures out on the lake, The Michigan raised Mitt Romney returned to the starting line and he had 10 walleyes.
Soon thereafter, Barack Obama returned and had no fish.
Well, everyone assumed he was just having a bad day, or something, and hopefully, he would catch up with the next day's fishing tally.
*At the end of the second day,* Mitt came in with 20 northern pike and Barack came in again with none.
*That evening,* the Democratic Advisors, Cabinet Members, Appointees and Czars to Obama got together secretly, and his Campaign Manager, David Axelrod said, "We think Romney is a low-life, cheating Republican son-of-a-gun. Tomorrow, we all recommend that you don't even bother fishing, President Obama. Hide on the shore in the evergreens and spy on Romney to see how he's cheating so we can expose the truth about his "not being fair". We can leak that shocking revelation to our friends in the media so the public will be on our side, regardless of the outcome of the agreed competition.
*The next night,* after Mitt returned with 50 walleyes, pike and trout and Barack again had none, the Democrats got together to hear Barack Obama's eye witness report of how the Republicans were cheating.
The astonished incumbent Obama told his supporters,
*"Let me, umm, make this, umm, perfectly clear...you're not gonna to believe this... but he's cuttin holes in the ice!"*
*The candidate that caught the most fish at the end of the week would win the election and become the President of the United States of America. *
After much of back and forth negotiations, it was decided that the contest would take place on the remote frozen Lake Metigoshe, in north central North Dakota, a non-swing state that could be considered a neutral site. There were to be no observers present with each fishing candidate. Both men were to be sent out separately on this isolated lake near the Canadian border. Both would return at 5 PM with their day's catch for counting and verification by a team of neutral parties.
*At the end of the first day *of fishing in sub-zero temperatures out on the lake, The Michigan raised Mitt Romney returned to the starting line and he had 10 walleyes.
Soon thereafter, Barack Obama returned and had no fish.
Well, everyone assumed he was just having a bad day, or something, and hopefully, he would catch up with the next day's fishing tally.
*At the end of the second day,* Mitt came in with 20 northern pike and Barack came in again with none.
*That evening,* the Democratic Advisors, Cabinet Members, Appointees and Czars to Obama got together secretly, and his Campaign Manager, David Axelrod said, "We think Romney is a low-life, cheating Republican son-of-a-gun. Tomorrow, we all recommend that you don't even bother fishing, President Obama. Hide on the shore in the evergreens and spy on Romney to see how he's cheating so we can expose the truth about his "not being fair". We can leak that shocking revelation to our friends in the media so the public will be on our side, regardless of the outcome of the agreed competition.
*The next night,* after Mitt returned with 50 walleyes, pike and trout and Barack again had none, the Democrats got together to hear Barack Obama's eye witness report of how the Republicans were cheating.
The astonished incumbent Obama told his supporters,
*"Let me, umm, make this, umm, perfectly clear...you're not gonna to believe this... but he's cuttin holes in the ice!"*
