Tuesday, August 31, 2010
The Wooden Leg ...
A man and his wife, moved back home to Kentucky from
West Virginia. The husband had a wooden leg, and to
insure it back in West Virginia cost them $2000 per year!
When they arrived in Kentucky they went to an insurance
agency to see how much it would cost to insure his
wooden leg.
The agent looked it up on the computer and said: '$39.'
The husband was shocked and asked why it was so cheap
here in Kentucky to insure it because it cost him $2000
in West Virginia!
The insurance agent turned his computer screen to the
couple and said, 'Well, here it is on the screen, it says:
Any wooden structure, with a sprinkler system above
it, is $39... You just have to know how to describe it!
( HILLBILLIES know how "to git'er done")
Thanks David
Monday, August 30, 2010
Sunday, August 29, 2010
Contrast ....
America's Great Apologizer
America's Great Cheerleader
One bows to men and one bows to God.
Nuff Said !
"Sort Of A Shimmy"
A woman ran over a mattress on the highway,
and decided not to worry--and kept on driving.
The ensuing jumble finally whipped around enough to bang a hole in the fuel tank...
The Subsequent Lack Of Fuel Is What Finally
Brought Her Vehicle To Its Knees..
She Had Still Managed To Drive 30 More Miles
With A 60-Pound Tangle of Stuff Wrapped Around Her Drive Shaft.
She Had it Towed To Her Dealership And Complained
That The Vehicle Had A "Sort Of Shimmy"
When She Was Driving At High Speeds.
Below are the photos of what they
found at her dealership....................
The last photo is by far the best.
and decided not to worry--and kept on driving.
The ensuing jumble finally whipped around enough to bang a hole in the fuel tank...
The Subsequent Lack Of Fuel Is What Finally
Brought Her Vehicle To Its Knees..
She Had Still Managed To Drive 30 More Miles
With A 60-Pound Tangle of Stuff Wrapped Around Her Drive Shaft.
She Had it Towed To Her Dealership And Complained
That The Vehicle Had A "Sort Of Shimmy"
When She Was Driving At High Speeds.
Below are the photos of what they
found at her dealership....................
The last photo is by far the best.
Is this just the best or what?
They Still Can't Believe Their Eyes.
And Still Wondering How To Remove It!
.....hand me that long screwdriver, Earl...
They Still Can't Believe Their Eyes.
And Still Wondering How To Remove It!
.....hand me that long screwdriver, Earl...
Thanks Dan
Saturday, August 28, 2010
The Merits of Beer
Sometimes when I reflect on all the beer I drink, I feel
ashamed. Then I look into the glass and think about the workers in the
brewery and all of their hopes and dreams. If I didn't drink this beer,
they might be out of work and their dreams would be shattered. I think,
"It is better to drink this beer and let their dreams come true than be
selfish and worry about my liver."
~~ Babe Ruth
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they wake up in
the morning, that's as good as they're going to feel all day."
~~ Lyndon B. Johnson
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading."
~~ Paul Horning
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case. Coincidence? I think
not."
~~ H. L. Mencken
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"When we drink, we get drunk. When we get drunk, we fall
asleep. When we fall asleep, we commit no sin When we commit no sin,
we go to heaven. So, let's all get drunk and go to heaven!"
~~ George Bernard Shaw
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy.."
~~ Benjamin Franklin
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Without question, the greatest invention in the history of
mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine
invention, but the wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza."
~~ Dave Barry
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Beer: helping ugly people have sex since 3000 B.C.!
~~ W. C. Fields
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Remember "I" before "E," except in Budweiser.
~~ Professor Irwin Corey
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
To some it's a six-pack, to me it's a Support Group Salvation in
a can!
~~ Leo Durocher
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
One night at Cheers, Cliff Calvin explained the" Buffalo Theory"
to his buddy Norm:
"Well, ya see, Norm, it's like this. A herd of buffalo can only
move as fast as the slowest buffalo. And when the herd is hunted, it is
the slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first. This
natural selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general
speed and health of the whole group keeps improving by the regular
killing of the weakest members! In much the same way, the human brain
can only operate as fast as the slowest brain cells. Excessive intake
of alcohol, as we know, kills brain cells. But naturally, it attacks
the slowest and weakest brain cells first. In this way, regular
consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain cells, making the brain
a faster and more efficient machine! That's why you always feel smarter
after a few beers.."
ashamed. Then I look into the glass and think about the workers in the
brewery and all of their hopes and dreams. If I didn't drink this beer,
they might be out of work and their dreams would be shattered. I think,
"It is better to drink this beer and let their dreams come true than be
selfish and worry about my liver."
~~ Babe Ruth
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they wake up in
the morning, that's as good as they're going to feel all day."
~~ Lyndon B. Johnson
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading."
~~ Paul Horning
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case. Coincidence? I think
not."
~~ H. L. Mencken
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"When we drink, we get drunk. When we get drunk, we fall
asleep. When we fall asleep, we commit no sin When we commit no sin,
we go to heaven. So, let's all get drunk and go to heaven!"
~~ George Bernard Shaw
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy.."
~~ Benjamin Franklin
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Without question, the greatest invention in the history of
mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine
invention, but the wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza."
~~ Dave Barry
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Beer: helping ugly people have sex since 3000 B.C.!
~~ W. C. Fields
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Remember "I" before "E," except in Budweiser.
~~ Professor Irwin Corey
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
To some it's a six-pack, to me it's a Support Group Salvation in
a can!
~~ Leo Durocher
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
One night at Cheers, Cliff Calvin explained the" Buffalo Theory"
to his buddy Norm:
"Well, ya see, Norm, it's like this. A herd of buffalo can only
move as fast as the slowest buffalo. And when the herd is hunted, it is
the slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first. This
natural selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general
speed and health of the whole group keeps improving by the regular
killing of the weakest members! In much the same way, the human brain
can only operate as fast as the slowest brain cells. Excessive intake
of alcohol, as we know, kills brain cells. But naturally, it attacks
the slowest and weakest brain cells first. In this way, regular
consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain cells, making the brain
a faster and more efficient machine! That's why you always feel smarter
after a few beers.."
Friday, August 27, 2010
Thursday, August 26, 2010
Wednesday, August 25, 2010
Tuesday, August 24, 2010
Monday, August 23, 2010
Sunday, August 22, 2010
Saturday, August 21, 2010
The Devil ...
George Bush, Queen Elizabeth, and Vladimir Putin
all die and go to hell.
While there, they spy a red phone and ask what the phone is for. The devil tells them it is for calling back to Earth.
Putin asks to call Russia and talks for 5 minutes. When he is finished the devil informs him that the cost is a million dollars, so Putin writes him a check.
Next Queen Elizabeth calls England and talks for 30 minutes. When she is finished the devil informs her that the cost is 6 million dollars, so she writes him a check.
Finally George Bush gets his turn and talks for 4 hours. When he is finished the devil informs him that the cost is $5.00.
When Putin hears this he goes ballistic and asks the devil why Bush got to call the USA so cheaply.
While there, they spy a red phone and ask what the phone is for. The devil tells them it is for calling back to Earth.
Putin asks to call Russia and talks for 5 minutes. When he is finished the devil informs him that the cost is a million dollars, so Putin writes him a check.
Next Queen Elizabeth calls England and talks for 30 minutes. When she is finished the devil informs her that the cost is 6 million dollars, so she writes him a check.
Finally George Bush gets his turn and talks for 4 hours. When he is finished the devil informs him that the cost is $5.00.
When Putin hears this he goes ballistic and asks the devil why Bush got to call the USA so cheaply.
The devil smiles and replies: "Since Obama
took over, the country has gone to hell, so it's a local call."
took over, the country has gone to hell, so it's a local call."
Friday, August 20, 2010
Your Government At Work ...
You will love this one, I haven't stopped laughing yet.....
For those of you who have never traveled to the west,
or southwest, cattle guards are horizontal steel rails
placed at fence openings, in dug-out places in the
roads adjacent to highways (sometimes across highways),
to prevent cattle from crossing over that area. For some
reason the cattle will not step on the "guards," probably
because they fear getting their feet caught between
the rails.
A few months ago, President Obama received and was
A few months ago, President Obama received and was
reading a report that there were over 100,000 cattle
guards in Colorado . Colorado ranchers had protested
his proposed changes in grazing policies, so he ordered
the Secretary of the Interior to fire half of the
"cattle guards" immediately!!
Before the Secretary of the Interior could respond and
Before the Secretary of the Interior could respond and
presumably try to straighten him out, Vice-President
Joe Biden intervened with a request that… before any
"cattle guards" were fired, they be given
six months of retraining.
Thursday, August 19, 2010
Those Wascally Walmart Shoppers VII
Yes!!!!! Blue is definitely your color!
I was not aware that barbers were still using the salad bowl as a styling instrument.
WOW! That’s so cool! JanSport came out with a new flesh colored fanny-pack….wait….hold on….can it be….is it…..OH MY DEAR GOD!
I would like to officially nominate those pants for worst color option EVER! Are you serious with that? “Hey, let’s get skin-tight pants, make them in sizes where the words ’skin-tight’ should be off-limits, and then produce them in a flesh color.” What a great idea!
Ya really think ya gonna be needing those condoms there, big fella?
Thanks Dan
Wednesday, August 18, 2010
American Perspective is Born
Opus#6 (Opie) our good buddy in the blogosphere got
a case of restless blog syndrome. We've all suffered from
it too. We'll change looks, our blog host, or our template.
But, this woman has gone nuts and changed her name.
Don't look for "MAinfo" any longer. The new name is
now "American Perspective". So, boys and girls please
change your blog rolls to reflect the name change.
I don't care what you do to confuse me Opus#6, you'll
always be the beloved "OPIE" here.
Those Wascally Walmart Shoppers VI
I'll bet you thought you were done with these.
Oh no you weren't .......
OH DAMN, Santa is WORKIN’ it.
HEY! HEY! ---HOLD STILL!!! There’s a f***in’ jellyfish on your head! HOLD STILL SO I CAN GET IT OFF!!!
Damn. Now THOSE are some nice……????? Oh, her head's on backwards.
Before he died, did Elvis get a poodle pregnant? I don’t know, I’m not here to judge....….Okay, I am........but still......
How the hell did the White Witch of Narnia come through the wardrobe?
Tuesday, August 17, 2010
Monday, August 16, 2010
Sunday, August 15, 2010
Saturday, August 14, 2010
Magic green hat ......
The other day I needed to go to the emergency room.
Not wanting to sit there for 4 hours, I put on my
Not wanting to sit there for 4 hours, I put on my
MAGIC GREEN HAT.
When I went into the E.R., I noticed that 3/4 of the people got up and left.
I guess they decided that they weren't that sick after all.
Cut at least 3 hours off my waiting time.
Here's the hat.
When I went into the E.R., I noticed that 3/4 of the people got up and left.
I guess they decided that they weren't that sick after all.
Cut at least 3 hours off my waiting time.
Here's the hat.
It also works at DMV. It saved me 5 hours.
At the Laundromat, three minutes after entering,
At the Laundromat, three minutes after entering,
I had my choice of any machine, most still running.
But……. Don't try it at McDonald's though.
The whole crew got up and left and l never got my order!!!
But……. Don't try it at McDonald's though.
The whole crew got up and left and l never got my order!!!
Friday, August 13, 2010
Thursday, August 12, 2010
Texan Reaction to Arizona Immigration Issue
Picture taken this past Saturday in front of El Arroyo in Austin on 5th st.
Ray Stevens - Come to the USA
Wednesday, August 11, 2010
Red Green and the Hardtop Convertible
At my channel at YouTube there are about 40 Red Green
videos. I have a link here that takes you right to that Playlist.
Tuesday, August 10, 2010
Stunning cartoon from 1934...WOW!
Keep in mind that this is from 1934!!!
This cartoon was in the Chicago Tribune in 1934. Look carefully at the plan of action in the lower left corner.
Remember the adage:
"Those who forget history are doomed to repeat it."
Monday, August 9, 2010
Those Wascally Walmart Shoppers V
