Woodsterman: December 2023

Sunday, December 31, 2023

It's Funday ~ B

The Flight

Two Naval aviators boarded a flight from Washington to New York. One sat in the window seat, the other in the middle seat.

Just before take-off an Army helicopter pilot got on and took the aisle seat next to the Navy guys.

He kicked off his shoes, wiggled his toes and was just settling in when the Navy pilot in the window seat said, “I think I’ll go up and get a Coke.”

“No problem,” said the Army guy, “Stay there, I’ll get it for you.” While he was gone, the Navy pilot picked up the Army pilot’s shoe and spat in it.

When the Army guy returned with the Coke, the other Navy pilot said, “That looks good. I think I’ll have one too.”

Again, the Army helicopter pilot obligingly went to fetch it, and while he was gone the Navy pilot picked up the other shoe and spat in it too.

The Army guy returned with the coke, and they all sat back and enjoyed the short flight to New York.

As the plane was landing the Army pilot slipped his feet into his shoes and knew immediately what had happened.

“How long must this go on?” he asked. “This enmity between the Navy and the Army…this hatred…this animosity…this spitting in shoes and pissing in cokes?”

A man and woman had been married for more than 60 years. They had shared everything. They had talked about everything. They had kept no secrets from each other except that the little old woman had a shoe box in the top of her closet that she had cautioned her husband never to open or ask her about.

For all of these years, he had never thought about the box, but one day the little old woman got very sick and the doctor said she would not recover.

In trying to sort out their affairs, the little old man took down the shoe box and took it to his wife's bedside. She agreed that it was time that he should know what was in the box. When he opened it, he found two crocheted dolls and a stack of money totaling $95,000.

He asked her about the contents.

"When we were to be married,' she said, ' my grandmother told me the secret of a happy marriage was to never argue. She told me that if I ever got angry with you, I should just keep quiet and crochet a doll.'

The little old man was so moved; he had to fight back tears. Only two precious dolls were in the box. She had only been angry with him two times in all those years of living and loving. He almost burst with happiness.

'Honey,' he said, 'that explains the dolls, but what about all of this money? Where did it come from?'

'Oh,' she said, 'that's the money I made from selling the dolls.