Plaxico Burress On Gun Safety

NewsBusted 11/29/11 ~ NewsBusters.org

Ed

Ed came home drunk one night, slid into bed beside his 

sleeping wife, and fell into a deep slumber.
 

He awoke before the Pearly Gates, where St. Peter said, 

'You died in your sleep, Ed.'
Ed was stunned. 'I'm dead? No, I can't be! I've got too 

much to live for. Send me back!'
St. Peter said, 'I'm sorry, but there's only one way you can go 

back, and that is as a chicken.'
Ed was devastated, but begged St. Peter to send him to a farm 

near his home. The next thing he knew, he was covered with 

feathers, clucking and pecking the ground..
rooster strolled past. 'So, you're the new hen, huh? 

How's your first day here?'
'Not bad,' replied Ed the hen, 'but I have this strange 

feeling inside. Like I'm gonna explode!'
'You're ovulating,' explained the rooster. 'Don't tell me you've

never laid an egg before?' 'Never,' said Ed.
'Well, just relax and let it happen,' says the rooster. 'It's no big deal.'
He did, and a few uncomfortable seconds later, out popped an egg!  

He was overcome with emotion as he experienced motherhood.  

He soon laid another egg -- his joy was overwhelming..
 

As he was about to lay his third egg, he felt a smack on the 

back of his head, and heard.....
"Ed, wake up! You shit the bed!"
 

Getting OLD just ain't what they said it would be!

Did You Plant Any Willy Peppers ?

Something new for the garden.....

Willy  Peppers Will Bring Tears Of Joy -

...  nature  is very interesting  ...
    
   For  all the keen gardeners out  there
     that have  never seen a Willy Pepper  before...
These are actual peppers  from a garden.      They  really are called  'Willy  Peppers'..

By the way, the farmer says  they can 

grow up to 18" long!
Sort  of brings tears to your  eyes doesn't it?

Thanks David !

I Still Love Blondes OR Rule 5 Woodsterman Style

AT THE DOCTOR'S OFFICE
A gorgeous young redhead goes into the doctor's office 

and said that her body hurt wherever she touched it. 

'Impossible!' says the doctor... 'Show me.'  The redhead 

took her finger, pushed on her left shoulder and screamed, 

then she pushed her elbow and screamed even more. She 

pushed her knee and screamed; likewise she pushed her 

ankle and screamed. Everywhere she touched made her 

scream.  The doctor said, 'You're not really a redhead, 

are you?  'Well, no' she said, 'I'm actually a blonde.'  

'I thought so,' the doctor said, 'Your finger is broken.'

KNITTING 
A highway patrolman pulled alongside a speeding car on

the freeway. Glancing at the car, he was astounded to 

see that the blonde behind the wheel was knitting! Realizing 

that she was oblivious to his flashing lights and siren, 

the trooper cranked down his window, turned on his bullhorn and yelled, 'PULL OVER!'  'NO!' the blonde yelled back, 

'IT'S A SCARF!'

 BLONDE ON THE SUN
A Russian, an American, and a Blonde were talking one day. 

The Russian said, 'We were the first in space!'  

The American said, 'We were the first on the moon!'  

The Blonde said, 'So what? We're going to be the first on the sun!'  

The Russian and the American looked at each other and 

shook their heads.. 'You can't land on the sun, you idiot! 

You'll burn up!' said the Russian.  To which the Blonde replied, 

'We're not stupid, you know. We're going at night!'

IN A VACUUM
A blonde was playing Trivial Pursuit one night... 

It was her turn. She rolled the dice and she landed 

on Science & Nature. Her question was, 'If you are in a

vacuum and someone calls your name, can you hear it?' 

She thought for a time and then asked, 'Is it on or off?'

FINALLY, THE BLONDE JOKE TO END ALL BLONDE JOKES!
A girl was visiting her blonde friend, who had acquired 

two new dogs, and asked her what their names were. 

The blonde responded by saying that one was named 

Rolex and one was named Timex. Her friend said, 

'Whoever heard of someone naming dogs like that?'  

'HELLLOOOOOOO......,' answered the blonde. 

'They're watch dogs'!

Shopping Tips For The Ladies

On this busiest of shopping days, ladies, here is

some help in getting your moneys worth. Buy

more fabric.

The Ladies and I thank you David.

HAPPY THANKSGIVING !

HAPPY THANKSGIVING!

May your stuffing be tasty. May your turkey be plump.
May your potatoes ' n gravy have nary a lump.
May your yams be delicious. May your pies take the prize.
May your Thanksgiving dinner stay off of your thighs.
 

HAVE A BLESSED THANKSGIVING! 

Sent today from Dan

I had to pass it on !

Happy Thanksgiving Three For Thursday

*******************

 ******************

Retirement Planning

 

 If  you had purchased $1,000.00 of Nortel stock one year ago, it would now be worth $49.00.
    
With Enron, you would have had $16.50 left of the original $1,000.00.

With WorldCom, you would have had less than $5.00 left.
     
If you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock, you would have $49.00  left.

But,  if you had purchased $1,000.00 worth of wine one year ago, drunk all the wine, then turned in the bottles for the recycling REFUND, you would  have had $214.00.

Based  on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.

 

 Let  people you care about know this... and  tell them to start now!!! 

 

Thanks Dan !

Darn Barn !

News report from Bruno , NE In 1981, Herman Ostry and
his wife, Donna, bought a farm a half mile outside of
Bruno , Nebraska , a small community sixty
miles west of Omaha .. The property had a creek and
came with a barn built in the 1920's. The barn
floor was always wet and muddy. When the creek
flooded in 1988, the barn ended up with 29 inches
of water covering the floor. That was the last
straw. Ostry needed to move it to higher ground.
He contacted a building moving company and was
discouraged by the bid. One night around the
table, Ostry commented that if they had enough
people they could pick the barn up and move it to
higher ground.. Everyone laughed.
A few days later, Ostry’s son Mike showed his father some
calculations. He had counted the individual boards
and timbers in the barn and estimated that the barn
weighed approximately 16,640 pounds. He also estimated
that a steel grid needed to move the barn would
add another 3,150 pounds, bringing the total
weight to just under 10 tons. He figured it would
take around 350 people with each person lifting 56
lbs. to move the barn.
The town of Bruno , Nebraska was planning its centennial celebration
in late July of 1988. Herman and Mike presented
their barn moving idea to the committee. The
committee decided to make it part of their celebration.

So, on July 30, 1988, shortly
before 11 a.m., a quick test lift was successfully
made. Then, as local television cameras and 4,000
people from eleven states watched, 350 people
moved the barn 115 feet south and 6 feet higher up
a gentle slope and set it on its new foundation.

The reason most people think that something cannot be
done is because they know that they can’t do it by
themselves. But impossible things can be done if
we join together in the task. Working together,
we can not only move barns, but change the world.

 

Butt Injection With 'Fix a Flat' Leads to Arrest

A Miami Gardens transgender woman is facing charges of 

practicing medicine without a license after police say she injected 

a patient's rear with everything but the kitchen sink 

in an illegal cosmetic surgery procedure.

ORIGINAL STORY

View more videos at: http://nbcmiami.com.

The Moral of this story ... 

"Watch what you put in your butt!"

Thanks Dan (I think)

The Latest Landing of Wal-Martians 8

Oh Daddy, take me to Wal-Mart.

Thank You David ... That's all folks !

I Love Blondes ~ OR ~ Rule 5 Woodsterman Style

DISNEYLAND Two blondes were going to Disneyland.  

They were driving on the Interstate when they saw the sign

 that said Disneyland LEFT.  They started crying and 

turned around and went home. 

FLORIDA OR MOON 

Two blondes living in Oklahoma were sitting on a

 bench talking, and one blonde says to the other, 

'Which do you think is farther away... Florida or the moon?'

  The other blonde turns and says 

'Helloooooooooo, can you see Florida ?????'

CAR TROUBLE 

A blonde pushes her BMW into a gas station. 

She tells the mechanic it died.  After he works 

on it for a few minutes, it is idling smoothly.  

She says, 'What's the story?'  He replies, 'Just crap 

in the carburetor' She asks, 'How often do I have to do that?'

SPEEDING TICKET 

A police officer stops a blonde for speeding and asks her 

very nicely if he could see her license.  

She replied in a huff, 'I wish you guys would 

get your act together. 

Just yesterday you take away my license and then

 today you expect me to show it to you!'

 RIVER WALK

There's this blonde out for a walk. She comes to a river 

and sees another blonde on the opposite bank 

'Yoo-hoo!' she shouts, 'How can I get to the other side?'

 The second blonde looks up the river then down the 

river and shouts back, 'You ARE on the other side.' 

If all went well ... I'm traveling home today.


UPDATE: Preposting is great until something like this happens.
                   I traveled home yesterday and here I am.

D'oh! Forgot The Photos . . . .

Our get together yesterday was GREAT, but oh so short.

As I suspected there were 5 of us. Two beautiful ladies,

Opus#6 (Opie to me @ *American Perspective*) and 

Allison (@ A Daily Laugh). Rounding up the rear (or butt)

were LL (@ Virtual Mirage), TWP (@ The War Planner),

and me Odie (@ Woodsterman). Please refer to yesterdays

post for the links. 

A few of us had commitments that had to be met, so time 

was so very short. The time was so high on our minds that 

we were all photo capable, with 4 iPhones and another 

camera in a phone, but plum forgot. If you wish to see

this motley crew, check last years post at this time.

You would think after looking forward to this for a year,

we'd have our S**t together. There's always next year. The

old Woodsterman heads home tomorrow after almost a week

in la la land. I'm always reminded why I left 32 years ago.

I might have to drive through a snow storm to get home, but

it is so worth it.

NewsBusted 11/18/11 ~ NewsBusters.org

Hello from la la land. Actually, I've moved on to

Buena Park. It's the home of Knott's Berry Farm.

Today is a big day for the old Woodsterman. This

is the day I get to mingle with some real bloggers

for lunch. I'll be breaking bread with the likes of

Opus#6, LL, The War Planner, and newbie to the

group Allison from "A Daily Laugh". We still

haven't heard from Trestin and Tim of "The Left

Coast Rebel", as to whether they'll be joining us.

A report to follow . . . .  

The Latest Landing of Wal-Martians 7

The Latest Landing of Wal-Martians 6

NewsBusted show 11/15/11 ~ NewsBusters.org

The Condom

I’ve always been a student of history.

But I didn’t know this..

CONDOM
HISTORY

Interesting
piece of history!

In
1272, the Arabic Muslims
invented the condom, 

using a goat's lower intestine.

In 

1873, the
British somewhat refined the idea

by taking the intestine out of the goat
first.

Thanks Dan !

I'll be on a road trip starting tomorrow. 

I never know how my internet access

will be. I'll do my best to keep my posts

current, and my visits to you also.

The Latest Landing of Wal-Martians 5

You know you had to look. A mistake, huh.


Thanks David !

The Latest Landing of Wal-Martians 4

It's the gift that just keeps on givings . . . .

Thanks David !

NewsBusted 11/11/11 ~ NewsBusters.org

As a Veteran . . .

I posted this last year, but I got side stepped this year by family

matters. I had a great Veterans Day planned for this

year, but family came first. This is Woodsterman above

and My favorite video below. Yes that is the real 

Woodsterman and his Deuce and a Half he put 20,000

miles on in Vietnam in one year. 


All that were here at home ... We served for you, our 
country, and our way of life.

The Latest Landing of Wal-Martians 3

They're Back . . . .

Thanks David !


We have a family event this weekend. The posts and blog visits will be a bit sketchy.

Dogs Know

Have you ever heard that a dog 'knows' when 

an earthquake is about to hit? 

Have you ever heard that a dog can 'sense' when 

a tornado is stirring up, even 20 miles away? 

Do you remember hearing that before the December 

tsunami struck Southeast Asia , dogs started running 

frantically away from the seashore, at breakneck speed? 

Do you know that dogs can detect cancer and other 

serious illnesses and danger of fire?

Somehow they always know when they can 'go for a ride' 

before you even ask. How do those dogs and cats get 

home from hundreds of miles away? 

I'm a firm believer that animals - and especially cats and 

dogs - have keen insights into the Truth. 

And you can't tell me that dogs can't sense a potentially 

terrible disaster well in advance.

Simply said, a dog just KNOWS when something isn't 

right... when impending doom is upon us. 

They'll always try to warn us!

WE SHOULD HAVE LISTENED !