NewsBusted 5/31/11 ~ NewsBusters.org

As We Remember This Day

I find as I get older this day tears at me a little more. So many 

have given the ultimate price for our freedom, and for this I 

love them all. As I write this I think of those brave brave men 

and women so unselfishly giving to this country and all its 

people the chance to be great with their lives.

Pictured here is a Memorial from my generation. 

It has a special meaning to me, as my best friend 

growing up is on that wall. Today we remember our 

fallen heroes from all wars, and 

GOD BLESS THEM ALL!

Here is a link to last years Memorial Day post about my best friend Bill.

UPDATE: Here is a photo of we, the Pallbearers, at
Bill's Funeral ... Thank You Van !

Too Young

A Man Walks Into A Bar ....

A man walks into a bar, notices a very large jar on the counter, 

and sees that it's filled to the brim with $10 bills. He guesses 

there must be at least ten thousand dollars in it. He approaches 

the bartender and asks, "What's with the money in the jar?"

"Well..., you pay $10, and if you pass three tests, you get all the 

money in the jar and the keys to a brand new Lexus."

The man certainly isn't going to pass this up, so he asks, "What 

are the three tests?"

"You gotta pay first," says the bartender, "those are the rules."

So, after thinking it over a while, the man gives the bartender 

$10 which he stuffs into the jar.

"Okay," says the bartender, "here's what you need to do:

First - You have to drink a whole quart of tequila, in 60 seconds 

or less, and you can't make a face while doing it."


"Second - There's a pit bull chained in the back with a bad tooth. 

You have to remove that tooth with your bare hands."


"Third - There's a 90-year old lady upstairs who's never had sex. 

You have to take care of that problem."

The man is stunned! "I know I paid my $10 -- but I'm not an
idiot! I won't do it! You'd have to be nuts to drink a quart of 

tequila and then do all those other things!"

"Your call," says the bartender, "but, your money stays where it is."

As time goes on, the man has a few more drinks and finally says, 

"Where's the damn tequila?!"

He grabs the bottle with both hands and drinks it as fast as he can. 

Tears stream down both cheeks -- but he doesn't make a face -- 

and he drinks it in 58 seconds!
 

Next, he staggers out the back door where he sees the pit bull 

chained to a pole. Soon, the people inside the bar hear loud 

growling, screaming, and sounds of a terrible fight -- then 

nothing but silence!

Just when they think that the man surely must be dead, he 

staggers back into the bar. His clothes are ripped to shreds 

and he's bleeding from bites and gashes all over his body. 

He drunkenly says, "Now..., where's that old woman with 

the bad tooth?"

Moral: NEVER DRINK TEQUILA IF YOUR PIT BULL 

HAS A BAD TOOTH!

Great Weekend

An older, white haired man walked into a jewelry store this past 

Friday evening with a beautiful much younger gal at his side. 

He told the jeweler he was looking for a special ring for his 

girlfriend.  The jeweler looked through his stock and brought 

out a $5,000 ring.

The old man said, 'No, I'd like to see something more special.'

At that statement, the jeweler went to his special stock and 

brought another ring over.  'Here's a stunning ring at only 

$40,000 the jeweler said.  The lady's eyes sparkled and her 

whole body trembled with excitement.  The old man seeing 

this said, 'We'll take it.'

The jeweler asked how payment would be made and the old 

man stated, 'by check’.  I know you need to make sure my check 

is good, so I'll write it now and you can call the bank Monday to 

verify the funds and I'll pick the ring up Monday afternoon.'

On Monday morning, the jeweler angrily phoned the old man 

and said 'There's no money in that account.'

'I know,' said the old man, 'But let me tell you about 

MY GREAT WEEKEND!'  


See .... Not All We Seniors Are Senile (Rule 5 Woodsterman Style ?)

NewsBusted 5/27/11 ~ NewsBusters.org

The Tail of Two Posters

Two Posters...totally different positions.
 
This just about says it all.
There's nothing I can add.

Now THIS is a poster !

I hope this poster circles the globe.  
God Bless America .
Take care.

If it weren't for the United States military,
there'd be NO United States of America .

*******

And now this ...

A picture is worth
a thousand words.

THERE YA GO....

A Loss of Control?

Nurses aren't supposed to laugh...

"Of course I won't laugh," said the nurse. 

"I'm a professional. In over twenty years I've 

never laughed at a patient."

"Okay then," said Fred, and he proceeded to 

drop his trousers, revealing the smallest male 

part the nurse had ever seen.

It's length and width was almost identical to a 

AAA battery.

Unable to control herself, the nurse tried to stop 

a giggle, but it just came out. And then she started 

laughing at the fact that she was laughing.
Feeling very bad that she had laughed at the man's 

part, she composed herself as well as she could.

"I am so sorry," she said. "I don't know what came 

over me. On my honor as a nurse and a lady, I 

promise that won't happen again. Now, tell me, 

what seems to be the problem?"

"It's swollen," Fred replied.

She ran out of the room.

Thanks Stopsign H/T

NewsBusted 5/24/11 ~ NewsBusters.org

Rule 5 ... Woodsterman Style !

Today We Honor President Obama ... NOT!

 Israel is supported at Woodsterman, but

not at the White House !

Stolen From that very fine "Woman Honor Thyself" ~ H/T

It's Armed Forces Day !

I hope the end of the world waits until you see this.

OK, OK, I love this video, and that's why it's here again.

NewsBusted 5/20/11 ~ NewsBusters.org

More Red Neck Genius ... Part 2

How such brilliant feats of engineering get overlooked is unbelievable.

That's All Folks !

Thanks David !

More Red Neck Genius ...

How such brilliant feats of engineering get overlooked is unbelievable.

Thanks David !

NewsBusted 5/17/11 ~ NewsBusters.org

Sheeeeeeee's Back !

S.T.C. ... (Senior Texting Code)

Since more and more Seniors are texting and tweeting, 

there appears to be a need for a STC (Senior Texting Code).

ATD: At The Doctor's
BFF: Best Friend Farted
BTW: Bring The Wheelchair
BYOT: Bring Your Own Teeth
CBM: Covered By Medicare
CUATSC: See You At The Senior Center
DWI: Driving While Incontinent
FWB: Friend With Beta Blockers
FWIW: Forgot Where I Was
FYI: Found Your Insulin
GGPBL: Gotta Go, Pacemaker Battery Low!
GHA: Got Heartburn Again
HGBM: Had Good Bowel Movement
IMHO: Is My Hearing-Aid On?
LMDO: Laughing My Dentures Out
LOL: Living On Lipitor
LWO: Lawrence Welk's On
OMMR: On My Massage Recliner
OMSG: Oh My! Sorry, Gas.
ROFL... CGU: Rolling On The Floor Laughing... And Can't Get Up
SGGP: Sorry, Gotta Go Poop
TTYL: Talk To You Louder
WAITT: Who Am I Talking To?
WTFA: Wet The Furniture Again
WTP: Where's The Prunes?
WWNO: Walker Wheels need oil

I got this just in time for my new iPhone

Thanks David

USN Sensitivity Training

A young Naval Officer was in a terrible car accident, but due to the heroics of the hospital staff the only permanent injury was the loss of one ear.

Since he wasn't physically impaired he remained in the military and eventually became an Admiral. However, during his career he was always sensitive about his appearance.

One day the Admiral was interviewing two Navy Master Chiefs and a Marine Sergeant Major for his personal staff.  

The first Master Chief was a Surface Navy type and it was a great interview. At the end of the interview the Admiral asked him, "Do you notice anything different about me?"

The Master Chief answered, "Why yes. I couldn't help but notice you are missing your starboard ear, so I don't know whether this impacts your hearing on that side."

The Admiral got very angry at this lack of tact and threw him out of his office.

The next candidate, an Aviation Master Chief, when asked this same question, answered, "Well yes, you seem to be short one ear."

The Admiral threw him out also.

The third interview was with the Marine Sergeant Major. He was articulate, extremely sharp, and seemed to know more than the two Master Chiefs put together. The Admiral wanted this guy, but went ahead with the same question.

"Do you notice anything different about me?"

To his surprise the Sergeant Major said, "Yes. You wear contact lenses."

The Admiral was impressed and thought to himself, what an incredibly tactful Marine. "And how do you know that?" the Admiral asked.

The Sergeant Major replied, "Well sir, it's pretty hard to wear glasses with only one fuckin' ear."

 

Thanks Dan

Learn It ~ Live It . . . Post It !

Drinks ?

I'm kind of punting here guys and gals. I don't know

what happened to NewsBusted and Jodi. I've checked

the NewsBusters site, but nothing is posted about it.

Jodi is due again on Friday, so we'll wait and see.

New Advances In Red Neck Technology 3

These photos were captured by following Wal~Mart shoppers.

House Boat ?

Thank You Stopsign H/T

Red Green Show - Making Dinner (34)

Sorry folks, I've been waiting all day for News Busted.

For some reason they got all messed up over there and

I have no idea why. 

Mean time enjoy some great Red Green. Check out my

YouTube Channel where I have 40 of these puppies.

LINK: Woodsterman at YouTube

New Advances In Red Neck Technology 2

These photos were captured by following Wal~Mart shoppers.

Thank You Stopsign H/T

Happy Mother's Day!

Thank you tireless Moms everywhere.

Below is one.

Hat Tip to Cheezburger.com

New Advances In Red Neck Technology

These photos were captured by following Wal~Mart shoppers.

Thank You Stopsign H/T

NewsBusted 5/6/11 ~ NewsBusters.org

Best Use of a Vehicle ... Part Two

Are you getting the maximum usage out of your vehicle?

I saved my favorite for last ...

Voters on their way to an Obama Rally.

Thanks David !

Best Use of a Vehicle

Are you getting the maximum usage out of your vehicle?