Woodsterman

Math? ~ OR ~ Rule 5 Woodsterman Style

2012-01-28T03:00:00.000-08:00

Thanks Dan !

NewsBusted 1/27/12 ~ NewsBusters.org

2012-01-27T07:21:00.001-08:00

Are You All Grow'd Up ?

2012-01-26T03:00:00.000-08:00

Thanks Dan !

BABY BOOMER TEST

2012-01-25T03:00:00.000-08:00

(Have a paper and pencil handy to record your answers...

Your mind isn't as sharp as it once was!)

This is NOT a pushover test. It's a Baby Boomer era test!

There are 20 questions. Average score is 12 .
This one will be difficult for the younger set.. (DUDE!)

Have fun, but no peeking!

If you forward this to your friends/family,
Put your score in the subject line and let them know your score.

Good luck, youngsters,

1. What builds strong bodies 12 ways?
A. Flintstones vitamins
B. The Buttmaster
C. Spaghetti
D. Wonder Bread
E. Orange Juice
F. Milk
G. Cod Liver Oil

2. Before he was Muhammed Ali, he was...
A. Sugar Ray Robinson
B. Roy Orbison
C. Gene Autry
D. Rudolph Valentino
E. Fabian
F. Mickey Mantle
G. Cassius Clay

3. Pogo, the comic strip character said, 'We have met the enemy and....
A. It's you.
B. He is us.
C. It's the Grinch.
D He wasn't home.
E. He's really me and you.
F. We quit.
G. He surrendered.

4. Good night, David...
A. Good night, Chet
B. Sleep well
C. Good night, Irene
D. Good night, Gracie
E. See you later, alligator
F. Until tomorrow
G. Good night, Steve

5. You'll wonder where the yellow went...
A. When you use Tide
B. When you lose your crayons
C. When you clean your tub
D. If you paint the room blue
E. If you buy a soft water tank
F. When you use Lady Clairol
G. When you brush your teeth with Pepsodent

6. Before he was the Skipper's Little Buddy,
Bob Denver was Dobie's friend...
A. Stuart Whitman
B. Randolph Scott.
C. Steve Reeves
D. Maynard G. Krebs
E. Corky B. Dork
F. Dave the Whale
G. Zippy Zoo

7. Liar, liar...
A. You're a liar
B. Your nose is growing
C. Pants on fire
D. Join the choir
E. Jump up higher
F. On the wire
G. I'm telling Mom

8. Meanwhile, back in Metropolis, Superman fights a
never ending battle for truth, justice and......
A. Wheaties
B. Lois Lane
C. TV ratings
D. World peace
E. Red tights
F. The American way
G. News headlines

9. Hey kids! What time is it?
A. It's time for Yogi Bear.
B It's time to do your homework.
C. It's Howdy Doody Time.
D. It's time for Romper Room.
E. It's bedtime.
F. The Mighty Mouse Hour.
G. Scooby Doo Time.

10. Lions and tigers and bears....
A. Yikes.
B. Oh, no.
C. Gee whiz.
D. I'm scared.
E. Oh my.
F. Help! Help!
G. Let's run.

11. Bob Dylan advised us never to trust anyone....
A. Over 40.
B. Wearing a uniform.
C. Carrying a briefcase.
D. Over 30.
E. You don't know.
F. Who says, 'Trust me'.
G. Who eats tofu.

12. NFL quarterback who appeared in a television
commercial wearing women's stockings...
A. Troy Aikman
B. Kenny Stabler
C. Joe Namath
D. Roger Staubach
E. Joe Montana
F. Steve Young
G. John Elway

13. Brylcream...
A. Smear it on.
B. You'll smell great.
C. Tame that cowlick.
D. Grease ball heaven.
E. It's a dream.
F. We're your team.
G. A little dab'll do ya.

14. I found my thrill...
A. In Blueberry muffins.
B. With my man, Bill.
C. Down at the mill.
D. Over the windowsill.
E. With thyme and dill.
F. Too late to enjoy.
G. On Blueberry Hill.

15.. Before Robin Williams, Peter Pan was played by...
A. Clark Gable.
B. Mary Martin.
C. Doris Day.
D. Errol Flynn.
E. Sally Field.
F. Jim Carrey.
G. Jay Leno.

16. Name the Beatles...
A.. John, Steve, George, Ringo
B. John, Paul, George, Roscoe
C. John, Paul, Stacey, Ringo
D. Jay, Paul, George, Ringo
E. Lewis, Peter, George, Ringo
F. Jason, Betty, Skipper, Hazel
G. John, Paul, George, Ringo

17. I wonder, wonder, who.
A. Who ate the leftovers?
B. Who did the laundry?
C Was it you?
D. Who wrote the book of love?
E. Who I am?
F. Passed the test?
G. Knocked on the door?

18. I'm strong to the finish...
A. Cause I eats my broccoli..
B. Cause I eats me spinach.
C. Cause I lift weights.
D. Cause I'm the hero.
E. And don't you forget it.
F. Cause Olive Oyl loves me.
G. To outlast Bruto.

19. When it's least expected, you're elected, you're the star today.
A. Smile, you're on Candid Camera.
B. Smile, you're on Star Search.
C. Smile, you won the lottery.
D. Smile, we're watching you.
E. Smile, the world sees you.
F. Smile, you're a hit.
G. Smile, you're on TV.

20. What do M & M's do?
A. Make your tummy happy.
B. Melt in your mouth, not in your pocket.
C. Make you fat.
D. Melt your heart.
E. Make you popular.
F. Melt in your mouth, not in your hand.
G. Come in colors.

ANSWERS BELOW

1. D - Wonder Bread
2. G - Cassius Clay
3. B - He Is us
4. A - Good night, Chet
5. G - When you brush your teeth with Pepsodent
6. D - Maynard G. Krebs
7. C - Pants on fire
8. F - The American Way
9. C - It's Howdy Doody Time
10. E - Oh my
11. D - Over 30
12. C - Joe Namath
13. G - A little dab'll do ya
14. G - On Blueberry Hill
15. B - Mary Martin
16. G - John, Paul, George, Ringo
17. D - Who wrote the book of Love
18. B - Cause I eats me spinach
19. A - Smile, you're on Candid Camera
20. F - Melt in your mouth not in your hand

(I got 18) Thanks David !

NewsBusted 1/24/12 ~ NewsBusters.org

2012-01-24T08:04:00.001-08:00

FOUR OLD ITALIAN LADIES

2012-01-23T03:00:00.000-08:00

These four older ladies who lived in Italy
Always sat outside together near the church
And chatted about when they were younger.
One month ago they pooled their money together
And bought a laptop.

Never having been, but having heard all about Florida ,
They just happened to click on St. Augustine , FL.
They read about the "Fountain of Youth" claimed by
The Spaniards when they arrived there.
They collected up all they had left and sent for four
Bottles of the water. As soon as it arrived, they drank as directed.

The rest of this story will make you a believer, because
Here they are today...................

No.......This is TRUE! Really!
Would We lie to you?
We have a limited supply of this water available at an

incredibly low price of just $1,499.95 a bottle.
Seriously ..

HURRY BEFORE THE INVENTORY RUNS OUT!!!!
Make checks payable to:
"Democratic National Committee"
(You can trust us, we would NEVER lie to you!)

If Obama Wins In 2012

2012-01-22T03:00:00.000-08:00

Just planning ahead in case Obama wins again! Ya'All better think before ya' vote in 2012 !!!!

Exercise ~ OR ~ Rule 5 Woodsterman Style

2012-01-21T03:00:00.000-08:00

NewsBusted 1/20/12 ~ NewsBusters.org

2012-01-20T09:15:00.000-08:00

Thursday Triple

2012-01-19T03:00:00.000-08:00

I gotta get me two of these!
One in English and one in Spanish.
I wouldn't want to be called racist, as
I'm an equal opportunity shooter . . ..

**************************

OMG no longer means what you think

How do you starve an Obama supporter?

Hide his food stamps under his work boots!

*****************

Let's throw in some redneck bumper stickers.

Thanks David !

Raising The Debt Limit

2012-01-18T03:00:00.000-08:00

NewsBusted 1/17/12 ~ NewsBusters.org

2012-01-17T07:22:00.001-08:00

Future Candidate

2012-01-16T03:00:00.000-08:00

Hopefully he will run for Congress.

He appears to have what most current politicians lack!!

Paradoxical Quote of The Day

2012-01-15T03:00:00.001-08:00

"Fathom the Hypocrisy of a Government that requires
every citizen to prove they are insured...

but not everyone must prove they are a citizen."

Now that's getting to the root of the problem!

Thanks Allison! (H/T)

The Commercial ~OR~ Rule 5 Woodsterman Style

2012-01-14T03:00:00.000-08:00

NewsBusted 1/13/12 ~ NewsBusters.org

2012-01-13T08:27:00.001-08:00

Ormie the Pig (This is Great)

2012-01-12T03:00:00.000-08:00

Why Japanese Women Walk That Way

2012-01-11T03:00:00.000-08:00

NewsBusted 1/10/12 ~ NewsBusters.org

2012-01-10T08:14:00.001-08:00

Tear Jerker

2012-01-09T03:00:00.000-08:00

Last week, I took my grand-children to a restaurant.
My six-year-old grand-son asked if he could say grace.

As we bowed our heads he said, "God is good, God is great.

Thank you for the food, and I would even thank you more

if Grandpa gets us ice cream for dessert. And
liberty and justice for all! Amen!"

Along with the laughter from the other customers nearby,

I heard a woman remark, "That's what's wrong with this

country. Kids today don't even know how to pray.
Asking God for ice cream! Why, I never!"

Hearing this, my grand-son burst into tears and asked me,

"Did I do it wrong? Is God mad at me?"

As I held him and assured him that he had done a terrific job,

and God was certainly not mad at him, an elderly gentleman

approached the table. He winked at my grand-son and said,

"I happen to know that God thought that was
a great prayer."

"Really?" my grand-son asked.
"Cross my heart," the man replied.

Then, in a theatrical whisper, he added

(indicating the woman whose remark had
started this whole thing), "Too bad she never

asks God for ice cream. A little
ice cream is good for the soul sometimes."

Naturally, I bought my grand-children ice cream at the

end of the meal. My grand-son stared at his for a moment,

and then did something I will remember the
rest of my life.

He picked up his sundae and, without a word, walked over

and placed it in front of the woman. With a big smile he

told her, "Here, this is for you. Shove it up
your ass you grouchy old bitch! "

Thanks Dan!

Donation Needed

2012-01-08T03:00:00.000-08:00

A driver was stuck in a traffic jam on the highway outside

Washington, DC. Nothing was moving.
Suddenly, a man knocks on the window.

The driver rolls down the window and asks,

“What’s going on?”

“Terrorists have kidnapped Congress, and they’re asking for

a $100 million dollar ransom.
Otherwise, they are going to douse them

all in gasoline and set them on fire.

We are going from car to car, collecting donations.”

“How much is everyone giving, on average?”

the driver asks.

The man replies, “Roughly a gallon.”

Neck Pain Cure ~ OR ~ Rule 5 Woodsterman Style

2012-01-07T03:00:00.000-08:00

This Really Works . . .

Neck Pains ? Try this exercise.

If it worked well, your stiff neck should be lowered.

Thanks Dan !

Then and Now . . .

2012-01-06T03:00:00.000-08:00

Three For Thursday ... Again

2012-01-05T03:00:00.000-08:00

************

Life at the Woodsterman household.

************

Which One of You Sent This From L.A. ?

2012-01-04T03:00:00.000-08:00

My Eyes Hurt !

2012-01-03T03:00:00.000-08:00

Ever heard of the term "Butt Floss". Well, War Planner

I decided to run with it after I told you to google it.

Being Politically Correct

2012-01-02T03:00:00.000-08:00

Due to the climate of political correctness now pervading America,

Kentuckians, Tennesseans and West Virginians will no longer be referred to as: 'HILLBILLIES.'

You must now refer to them as
APPALACHIAN-AMERICANS.

And furthermore,

HOW TO SPEAK ABOUT WOMEN AND BE POLITICALLY CORRECT:

1. She is not a 'BABE' or a 'CHICK' - She is a
BREASTED AMERICAN. '

2. She is not 'EASY' - She is

'HORIZONTALLY ACCESSIBLE.'

3. She is not a 'DUMB BLONDE' - She is a
'LIGHT-HAIRED DETOUR OFF THE INFORMATION SUPERHIGHWAY.'

4. She has not 'BEEN AROUND' - She is a

'PREVIOUSLY-ENJOYED COMPANION.'

5. She does not 'NAG' you - She becomes

' VERBALLY REPETITIVE.'

6. She is not a 'TWO-BIT HOOKER' - She is a

' LOW COST PROVIDER.'

HOW TO SPEAK ABOUT MEN AND BE POLITICALLY CORRECT:

1. He does not have a 'BEER GUT' - He has developed a
'LIQUID GRAIN STORAGE FACILITY.'

2. He is not a 'BAD DANCER' - He is

' OVERLY CAUCASIAN.'

3.. He does not 'GET LOST ALL THE TIME' - He
' INVESTIGATES ALTERNATIVE DESTINATIONS.'

4. He is not 'BALDING' - He is in
'FOLLICLE REGRESSION.'

5. He does not act like a 'TOTAL ASS' - He develops a case of
RECTAL-CRANIAL INVERSION.'
(Loved this one!)

6. It's not his 'CRACK' you see hanging out of his pants - It's
'TROUSER CLEAVAGE.'

Thanks David!

Have an iTech Happy New Year

2012-01-01T03:00:00.000-08:00

It all began with an iPhone...

March was when our son celebrated his 17th birthday,

and we got him an iPhone. He just loved it. Who wouldn't?

I celebrated my birthday in July, and my wife made

me very happy when she bought me an iPad.

Our daughter's birthday was in August

so we got her an iPod Touch.

My wife celebrated her birthday in

September so I got her an iRon.

It was around then that the fight started...

What my wife failed to recognize is that the iRon

can be integrated into the home network with the

iWash, iCook and iClean.

This inevitably activates the iNag reminder service.

I should be out of the hospital next week!!

P.S. iHurt !!!

This is an oldie, but I love it - Thanks David!

The Underwire Bra ~ OR ~ Rule 5 Woodsterman Style

2011-12-31T03:00:00.000-08:00

For some women, it's easy to

find bras that fit in styles they like.

But many others aren't so lucky,

spending endless time and money

in search of that elusive

perfect style and fit.

The underwire bra is designed to provide additional lift.

Underwire can be found in many different styles of bras.

Some women swear by their underwire and others

find them very uncomfortable.

One way to determine if this is a style of bra that will

work for you is to give it a try

Underwire Bra - from Paris

Underwire Bra - from New York

Underwire Bra - from London

Underwire Bra from West Virginia...

Did you expect anything less?

We have Adrienne to blame for this (Hat Tip)

Meditation ~ OR ~ Rule 2012 Woodsterman Style

2011-12-30T03:00:00.000-08:00

A little play on words ... Creator Unknown.

Wild Bill and "State Champions"

2011-12-29T03:00:00.000-08:00

Here's another great piece by Wild Bill. It's no surprise

where my state of California ends up on "The List".

Check out those fish jumping after the bugs. You'll

see those bugs go by Bill once in awhile ... Yummy!

Let Your Graffiti Shine IV

2011-12-28T03:00:00.000-08:00

Let Your Graffiti Shine III

2011-12-27T03:00:00.000-08:00

Classic Foster Brooks ~ New Years Warm Up

2011-12-26T03:00:00.000-08:00

Merry Christmas From Woodsterman !

2011-12-25T03:00:00.000-08:00

This is my favorite Christmas video ... Enjoy!

Christmas Carol ~ OR ~ Rule 5 Woodsterman Style

2011-12-24T03:00:00.000-08:00

Have a fun Merry Christmas !

NewsBusted 12/23/11 ~ NewsBusters.org

2011-12-23T10:00:00.000-08:00

Woodsterman's Favorite Christmas Song

2011-12-23T03:00:00.000-08:00

I Love This Song

2011-12-22T03:00:00.000-08:00

The Worst Ever Rule 5 Woodsterman Style.

2011-12-21T03:00:00.000-08:00

May the breezes of the season brighten your holidays.

NewsBusted 12/20/11 ~ NewsBusters.org

2011-12-20T06:40:00.001-08:00

Parting Shots For A Monday

2011-12-19T03:00:00.000-08:00

YUM !

OK, now I'll place it here . . .

Good News! Donations are up!

**********

MOOSEHEAD BEER

You gotta love those Maniacs
This actually happened with some guys from Maine.
They dressed the truck up with the guy dummy spread eagle on the roof of the truck. The driver and passengers put on Moose Heads. Down the Maine Toll interstate they went causing about 16 accidents. They went to jail.

(some cops have no sense of humor)

Thanks Dan !

Good News for Everyone

2011-12-18T03:00:00.000-08:00

I used to try to eat all natural foods but then

I found out that most folks die from natural

causes, so I gave up on that idea!

This woman is 51. She is TV health guru

Gillian McKeith, advocating a holistic approach

to nutrition and health, promoting exercise,

a vegetarian diet high in organic fruits and

vegetables. She recommends detox diets,

colonic irrigation and supplements.

This woman is 51.

She is Nigllea Lawson a TV cook,

who eats meat, butter and desserts.

I REST MY CASE

Sassy Christmas ~ OR ~ Rule 5 Woodsterman Style

2011-12-17T03:00:00.000-08:00

I'll be looking under my tree for these ... WOW!

Other Rule 5'ers :

****

American Perspective

Randy's Roundtable

In a Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad World

Reaganite Republican
teresamerica
Proof Positive

NewsBusted 12/16/11 ~ NewsBusters.org

2011-12-16T20:59:00.001-08:00

Three For Thursday . . .

2011-12-15T03:00:00.000-08:00

Can You Spot Him?

THE TRICK IS TO FIND THE MAN IN THE

COFFEE BEANS:

This is bizarre - after you find the guy - it's so obvious.

Once you find him - it's embarrassing, and you think,

"Why didn't I see him immediately?"

Doctors have concluded that if you find the man in the

coffee beans in 3 seconds, the right half of your brain is

better developed than most people. If you find the man

between 3 seconds and 1 minute, the right half of the brain

is developed normally. If you find the man between 1 minute

and 3 minutes, then the right half of your brain is functioning

slowly and you need to eat more protein. If you have not

found the man after 3 minutes, the advice is to look for

more of this type of exercise to make that part of the brain

stronger! And yes, the man is really there!

********************

A simple message about life I was sitting at a stoplight yesterday,

minding my own business, waiting on it to turn green.

A carload of young, loud Muslim extremists,

shouting anti-American slogans, stopped next to me.

The light changed, the Muslims shook their fists,

hit the gas & darted off ahead of me. Suddenly an

18-wheeler came speeding thru the intersection & ran directly

over their car, crushing it completely.

For several minutes I sat in my car thinking to myself,

"Man, that could have been me!"

So, today, bright & early, I went out & got a job as a truck driver.

********************

Bill Clinton
announces his support
of
Michele Bachmann
for president

We are about fun here .... BUT

I would like to, however, apologize to

my favorite candidate Michele Bachmann

for the back hand I just gave her.

The Greatest Card Trick Ever

2011-12-14T03:00:00.000-08:00

NewsBusted 12/13/11 ~ NewsBusters.org

2011-12-13T06:52:00.000-08:00

Social Security OR Ponzi Scheme

2011-12-12T03:00:00.000-08:00

This guy has a good point... (His Circumstances)

This is very appropriate in light of what is going on !!!
Remember, not only did you contribute to Social Security but your employer did too. It totaled 15% of your income before taxes. If you averaged only 30K over your 49 year working life, that’s close to $220,500. If you calculate the future value of $4,500 per year (yours & your employer’s contribution) at a simple 5% (less than what the govt. pays on the money that it borrows), after 49 years of working you’d have $892,919.98.
If you took out only 3% per year, you would receive $26,787.60 per year and it would last better than 30 years, and that’s with no interest paid on that final amount on deposit! If you bought an annuity and it paid 4% per year, you’d have a lifetime income of $2,976.40 per month.
The folks in Washington have pulled off a bigger Ponzi scheme than Bernie Madhoff ever had. Entitlement, my foot, I paid cash for my social security insurance!!!! Just because they borrowed the money, doesn't make my benefits some kind of charity or handout !!
Congressional benefits, aka free healthcare, outrageous retirement packages, 67 paid holidays, three weeks paid vacation, unlimited paid sick days, now that's welfare, and they have the nerve to call my retirement entitlements !!!!!!
They call Social Security and Medicare an entitlement even though most of us have been paying for it all our working lives and now when it’s time for us to collect, the government is running out of money. Why did the government borrow from it in the first place? Obama Voters won't believe this. I'm one of the ones that definitely does.

Author unknown but wise ...

Let Your Graffiti Shine II

2011-12-11T03:00:00.000-08:00

Thanks David !

Sassy Lasses ~ OR ~ Rule 5 Woodsterman Style

2011-12-10T03:00:00.000-08:00

NewsBusted 12/9/11 ~ NewsBusted.org

2011-12-09T06:27:00.001-08:00

Let Your Graffiti Shine

2011-12-08T03:00:00.000-08:00

Thanks David !

The Engineer's Frog

2011-12-07T03:00:00.000-08:00

An engineer was crossing a road one day,

when a frog called out to him and
said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess." He bent over,
picked up the frog, and put it in his pocket.

The frog spoke up again and
said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn back into a beautiful princess and stay
with you for one week." The engineer took the frog out of his pocket,
smiled at it and returned it to the pocket. The frog then cried out, "If
you kiss me and turn me back into a princess, I'll stay with you for one
week and do anything you want." Again, the engineer took the frog out,
smiled at it and put it back into his pocket. Finally, the frog asked,
"What is the matter? I've told you I'm a beautiful princess and that I'll
stay with you for one week and do anything you want.

Why won't you kiss
me?" The engineer said, "Look, I'm an engineer.

I don't have time for a
girlfriend, but a talking frog - now that's cool." ****

I'm a member at Worth1000.com, maybe I should go back

there and see what's up.

This story was left here two days ago by our friend

Nominedeus (hat/tip) in my comments.

NewsBusted 12/6/11 ~ NewsBusters.org

2011-12-06T14:20:00.001-08:00

While We're Waiting . . . .

2011-12-06T09:40:00.001-08:00

Looks like we'll have to wait for Jodi. As most of

us know, Google just can't stand to leave anything

alone.

Also, I'm sure you've noticed I haven't been around

as much as usual. This new computer, Cleaning old

stuff from it after the transfer from the old, and a

special order from the shop for special people has

kept me very busy.

I'll keep looking for our favorite girl . . . .

Johnny Askes ....

2011-12-05T03:00:00.000-08:00

THE WEDDING NIGHT

Fred and Mary got married but couldn't afford a honeymoon, so they went back to Fred's Mom and Dad's house for their first night together.

In the morning, Johnny, Fred's little brother,

gets up and has his breakfast.

As he is going out of the door to go to school,

he asks his Mom if Fred and Mary are up yet.

She replies, "No."

Johnny asks, "Do you know what I think ?"

His Mom replies, "I don't want to hear what you think ,

Just go to school ! "

Johnny comes home for lunch and asks his Mom,

"Are Fred and Mary up yet ?" She replies, "No.."

Johnny says, "Do you know what I think ?"

His Mom resplies, "Never mind what you think ,

Eat your lunch and go back to school ! "

After school, Johnny comes home and asks again, "Are Fred and Mary up yet ?"

His Mom says, "No.."

Johnny asks, "Do you know what I think ?"

His Mom replies, "Ok, now tell me what you think ?"

He says, "Last night Fred came to my room

for the Vaseline and I think ,,,,

I gave him my airplane glue !! "

Side note: Now that I had everything transferred over

to the new computer from the old, there's a ton of

clean up to do. Like getting rid of all the old crap

that won't work with the new operating system.

So, I'll be around, but not as quickly as I hoped.

Momma Knows Best!

2011-12-04T03:00:00.000-08:00

REMEMBER WHEN YOUR
MOTHER TOLD YOU
NEVER TO TAKE CANDY
FROM A STRANGER.....

.......THIS IS THE ONE
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT!!!!!

I had to post this again. I posted it two

years ago at Woodsterman Too ...

It still makes me Giggle!

End of Civilization OR Rule 5 Woodsterman Style

2011-12-03T03:00:00.000-08:00

NewsBusted 12/2/11 ~ NewsBusters.org

2011-12-02T18:44:00.001-08:00

OK Boys and Girls ... Whooo Hoo this new Computer

is fast. Sorry about this post being late, but both computers

were being held hostage while they put everything from

the old one onto the new. No muss no fuss. It's the only

way to go. My son, Tom, got the old one and he is

completely tickled to get it.

The craziest thing of all today is Tom went with me to Apple.

You see the iPod I got him last Christmas went belly up. He

Thought he would bring it as an after thought. I forgot it had

a year warranty on it. The warranty had 5 days left and they

handed him a brand new one.

A Little Delay

2011-12-01T18:37:00.001-08:00

Hi folks, I bought a new computer. The old and new Mac Book Pros are at the Apple store. I could (and might) try posting newsbusted with my iPhone. If you don't see it here by mid morning I just couldn't figure it out. I'll do my best. If it doesn't work, Saturday prepost will be here.

TA TA YOU ALL!

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Wild Bill, "Spanking Republicans"

2011-12-01T03:00:00.000-08:00

Plaxico Burress On Gun Safety

2011-11-30T03:00:00.000-08:00

NewsBusted 11/29/11 ~ NewsBusters.org

2011-11-29T08:53:00.001-08:00

Ed

2011-11-28T03:00:00.000-08:00

Ed came home drunk one night, slid into bed beside his

sleeping wife, and fell into a deep slumber.

He awoke before the Pearly Gates, where St. Peter said,

'You died in your sleep, Ed.'
Ed was stunned. 'I'm dead? No, I can't be! I've got too

much to live for. Send me back!'
St. Peter said, 'I'm sorry, but there's only one way you can go

back, and that is as a chicken.'
Ed was devastated, but begged St. Peter to send him to a farm

near his home. The next thing he knew, he was covered with

feathers, clucking and pecking the ground..
rooster strolled past. 'So, you're the new hen, huh?

How's your first day here?'
'Not bad,' replied Ed the hen, 'but I have this strange

feeling inside. Like I'm gonna explode!'
'You're ovulating,' explained the rooster. 'Don't tell me you've

never laid an egg before?' 'Never,' said Ed.
'Well, just relax and let it happen,' says the rooster. 'It's no big deal.'
He did, and a few uncomfortable seconds later, out popped an egg!

He was overcome with emotion as he experienced motherhood.

He soon laid another egg -- his joy was overwhelming..

As he was about to lay his third egg, he felt a smack on the

back of his head, and heard.....
"Ed, wake up! You shit the bed!"

Getting OLD just ain't what they said it would be!

Did You Plant Any Willy Peppers ?

2011-11-27T05:42:00.001-08:00

Something new for the garden.....

Willy Peppers Will Bring Tears Of Joy -

... nature is very interesting ...

   For all the keen gardeners out there
     that have never seen a Willy Pepper before...
These are actual peppers from a garden.      They really are called 'Willy Peppers'..

By the way, the farmer says they can

grow up to 18" long!
Sort of brings tears to your eyes doesn't it?

Thanks David !

I Still Love Blondes OR Rule 5 Woodsterman Style

2011-11-26T03:00:00.000-08:00

AT THE DOCTOR'S OFFICE
A gorgeous young redhead goes into the doctor's office

and said that her body hurt wherever she touched it.

'Impossible!' says the doctor... 'Show me.' The redhead

took her finger, pushed on her left shoulder and screamed,

then she pushed her elbow and screamed even more. She

pushed her knee and screamed; likewise she pushed her

ankle and screamed. Everywhere she touched made her

scream. The doctor said, 'You're not really a redhead,

are you? 'Well, no' she said, 'I'm actually a blonde.'

'I thought so,' the doctor said, 'Your finger is broken.'

KNITTING
A highway patrolman pulled alongside a speeding car on

the freeway. Glancing at the car, he was astounded to

see that the blonde behind the wheel was knitting! Realizing

that she was oblivious to his flashing lights and siren,

the trooper cranked down his window, turned on his bullhorn and yelled, 'PULL OVER!' 'NO!' the blonde yelled back,

'IT'S A SCARF!'

BLONDE ON THE SUN
A Russian, an American, and a Blonde were talking one day.

The Russian said, 'We were the first in space!'

The American said, 'We were the first on the moon!'

The Blonde said, 'So what? We're going to be the first on the sun!'

The Russian and the American looked at each other and

shook their heads.. 'You can't land on the sun, you idiot!

You'll burn up!' said the Russian. To which the Blonde replied,

'We're not stupid, you know. We're going at night!'

IN A VACUUM
A blonde was playing Trivial Pursuit one night...

It was her turn. She rolled the dice and she landed

on Science & Nature. Her question was, 'If you are in a

vacuum and someone calls your name, can you hear it?'

She thought for a time and then asked, 'Is it on or off?'

FINALLY, THE BLONDE JOKE TO END ALL BLONDE JOKES!
A girl was visiting her blonde friend, who had acquired

two new dogs, and asked her what their names were.

The blonde responded by saying that one was named

Rolex and one was named Timex. Her friend said,

'Whoever heard of someone naming dogs like that?'

'HELLLOOOOOOO......,' answered the blonde.

'They're watch dogs'!

Shopping Tips For The Ladies

2011-11-25T03:00:00.000-08:00

On this busiest of shopping days, ladies, here is

some help in getting your moneys worth. Buy

more fabric.

The Ladies and I thank you David.

HAPPY THANKSGIVING !

2011-11-24T15:00:00.000-08:00

HAPPY THANKSGIVING!

May your stuffing be tasty. May your turkey be plump.
May your potatoes ' n gravy have nary a lump.
May your yams be delicious. May your pies take the prize.
May your Thanksgiving dinner stay off of your thighs.

HAVE A BLESSED THANKSGIVING!

Sent today from Dan

I had to pass it on !

Happy Thanksgiving Three For Thursday

2011-11-24T03:00:00.001-08:00

*******************

******************

Retirement Planning

If you had purchased $1,000.00 of Nortel stock one year ago, it would now be worth $49.00.

With Enron, you would have had $16.50 left of the original $1,000.00.

With WorldCom, you would have had less than $5.00 left.

If you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock, you would have $49.00 left.

But, if you had purchased $1,000.00 worth of wine one year ago, drunk all the wine, then turned in the bottles for the recycling REFUND, you would have had $214.00.

Based on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.

Let people you care about know this... and tell them to start now!!!

Thanks Dan !

Darn Barn !

2011-11-23T03:00:00.000-08:00

News report from Bruno , NE In 1981, Herman Ostry and
his wife, Donna, bought a farm a half mile outside of
Bruno , Nebraska , a small community sixty
miles west of Omaha .. The property had a creek and
came with a barn built in the 1920's. The barn
floor was always wet and muddy. When the creek
flooded in 1988, the barn ended up with 29 inches
of water covering the floor. That was the last
straw. Ostry needed to move it to higher ground.
He contacted a building moving company and was
discouraged by the bid. One night around the
table, Ostry commented that if they had enough
people they could pick the barn up and move it to
higher ground.. Everyone laughed.
A few days later, Ostry’s son Mike showed his father some
calculations. He had counted the individual boards
and timbers in the barn and estimated that the barn
weighed approximately 16,640 pounds. He also estimated
that a steel grid needed to move the barn would
add another 3,150 pounds, bringing the total
weight to just under 10 tons. He figured it would
take around 350 people with each person lifting 56
lbs. to move the barn.
The town of Bruno , Nebraska was planning its centennial celebration
in late July of 1988. Herman and Mike presented
their barn moving idea to the committee. The
committee decided to make it part of their celebration.

So, on July 30, 1988, shortly
before 11 a.m., a quick test lift was successfully
made. Then, as local television cameras and 4,000
people from eleven states watched, 350 people
moved the barn 115 feet south and 6 feet higher up
a gentle slope and set it on its new foundation.

The reason most people think that something cannot be
done is because they know that they can’t do it by
themselves. But impossible things can be done if
we join together in the task. Working together,
we can not only move barns, but change the world.

Butt Injection With 'Fix a Flat' Leads to Arrest

2011-11-22T03:00:00.000-08:00

A Miami Gardens transgender woman is facing charges of

practicing medicine without a license after police say she injected

a patient's rear with everything but the kitchen sink

in an illegal cosmetic surgery procedure.

ORIGINAL STORY

View more videos at: http://nbcmiami.com.

The Moral of this story ...

"Watch what you put in your butt!"

Thanks Dan (I think)

The Latest Landing of Wal-Martians 8

2011-11-21T03:00:00.000-08:00

Oh Daddy, take me to Wal-Mart.

Thank You David ... That's all folks !

I Love Blondes ~ OR ~ Rule 5 Woodsterman Style

2011-11-20T03:00:00.000-08:00

DISNEYLAND Two blondes were going to Disneyland.

They were driving on the Interstate when they saw the sign

that said Disneyland LEFT. They started crying and

turned around and went home.

FLORIDA OR MOON

Two blondes living in Oklahoma were sitting on a

bench talking, and one blonde says to the other,

'Which do you think is farther away... Florida or the moon?'

The other blonde turns and says

'Helloooooooooo, can you see Florida ?????'

CAR TROUBLE

A blonde pushes her BMW into a gas station.

She tells the mechanic it died. After he works

on it for a few minutes, it is idling smoothly.

She says, 'What's the story?' He replies, 'Just crap

in the carburetor' She asks, 'How often do I have to do that?'

SPEEDING TICKET

A police officer stops a blonde for speeding and asks her

very nicely if he could see her license.

She replied in a huff, 'I wish you guys would

get your act together.

Just yesterday you take away my license and then

today you expect me to show it to you!'

RIVER WALK

There's this blonde out for a walk. She comes to a river

and sees another blonde on the opposite bank

'Yoo-hoo!' she shouts, 'How can I get to the other side?'

The second blonde looks up the river then down the

river and shouts back, 'You ARE on the other side.'

If all went well ... I'm traveling home today.

UPDATE: Preposting is great until something like this happens.
I traveled home yesterday and here I am.

D'oh! Forgot The Photos . . . .

2011-11-19T03:00:00.000-08:00

Our get together yesterday was GREAT, but oh so short.

As I suspected there were 5 of us. Two beautiful ladies,

Opus#6 (Opie to me @ *American Perspective*) and

Allison (@ A Daily Laugh). Rounding up the rear (or butt)

were LL (@ Virtual Mirage), TWP (@ The War Planner),

and me Odie (@ Woodsterman). Please refer to yesterdays

post for the links.

A few of us had commitments that had to be met, so time

was so very short. The time was so high on our minds that

we were all photo capable, with 4 iPhones and another

camera in a phone, but plum forgot. If you wish to see

this motley crew, check last years post at this time.

You would think after looking forward to this for a year,

we'd have our S**t together. There's always next year. The

old Woodsterman heads home tomorrow after almost a week

in la la land. I'm always reminded why I left 32 years ago.

I might have to drive through a snow storm to get home, but

it is so worth it.

NewsBusted 11/18/11 ~ NewsBusters.org

2011-11-18T06:12:00.001-08:00

Hello from la la land. Actually, I've moved on to

Buena Park. It's the home of Knott's Berry Farm.

Today is a big day for the old Woodsterman. This

is the day I get to mingle with some real bloggers

for lunch. I'll be breaking bread with the likes of

Opus#6, LL, The War Planner, and newbie to the

group Allison from "A Daily Laugh". We still

haven't heard from Trestin and Tim of "The Left

Coast Rebel", as to whether they'll be joining us.

A report to follow . . . .

The Latest Landing of Wal-Martians 7

2011-11-17T03:00:00.000-08:00

The Latest Landing of Wal-Martians 6

2011-11-16T03:00:00.000-08:00

NewsBusted show 11/15/11 ~ NewsBusters.org

2011-11-15T06:17:00.001-08:00

The Condom

2011-11-14T03:00:00.000-08:00

I’ve always been a student of history.

But I didn’t know this..

CONDOM
HISTORY

Interesting
piece of history!

In
1272, the Arabic Muslims
invented the condom,

using a goat's lower intestine.

1873, the
British somewhat refined the idea

by taking the intestine out of the goat
first.

Thanks Dan !

I'll be on a road trip starting tomorrow.

I never know how my internet access

will be. I'll do my best to keep my posts

current, and my visits to you also.

The Latest Landing of Wal-Martians 5

2011-11-13T03:00:00.000-08:00

You know you had to look. A mistake, huh.

Thanks David !

The Latest Landing of Wal-Martians 4

2011-11-12T03:00:00.000-08:00

It's the gift that just keeps on givings . . . .

Thanks David !

NewsBusted 11/11/11 ~ NewsBusters.org

2011-11-11T18:00:00.000-08:00

As a Veteran . . .

2011-11-11T03:00:00.000-08:00

I posted this last year, but I got side stepped this year by family

matters. I had a great Veterans Day planned for this

year, but family came first. This is Woodsterman above

and My favorite video below. Yes that is the real

Woodsterman and his Deuce and a Half he put 20,000

miles on in Vietnam in one year.

All that were here at home ... We served for you, our
country, and our way of life.

The Latest Landing of Wal-Martians 3

2011-11-10T03:00:00.000-08:00

They're Back . . . .

Thanks David !

We have a family event this weekend. The posts and blog visits will be a bit sketchy.

Dogs Know

2011-11-09T03:00:00.000-08:00

Have you ever heard that a dog 'knows' when

an earthquake is about to hit?

Have you ever heard that a dog can 'sense' when

a tornado is stirring up, even 20 miles away?

Do you remember hearing that before the December

tsunami struck Southeast Asia , dogs started running

frantically away from the seashore, at breakneck speed?

Do you know that dogs can detect cancer and other

serious illnesses and danger of fire?

Somehow they always know when they can 'go for a ride'

before you even ask. How do those dogs and cats get

home from hundreds of miles away?

I'm a firm believer that animals - and especially cats and

dogs - have keen insights into the Truth.

And you can't tell me that dogs can't sense a potentially

terrible disaster well in advance.

Simply said, a dog just KNOWS when something isn't

right... when impending doom is upon us.

They'll always try to warn us!

WE SHOULD HAVE LISTENED !

NewsBusted 11/8/11 ~ NewBusters.org

2011-11-08T06:19:00.001-08:00

Top 12 Reasons

2011-11-07T03:00:00.000-08:00

Top 12 Reasons....A List That Explains Most Everything

*When people cannot explain why they voted for Democrats, give them this list. They can then pick their reasons from this "TOP12"...*

1. I voted Democrat because I believe oil companies' profits

of 4% on a gallon of gas are obscene, but the government

taxing the same gallon of gas at 15% isn't.

2. I voted Democrat because I believe the government will

do a better job of spending the money I earn than I would.

3. I voted Democrat because Freedom of Speech is fine as

long as nobody is offended by it.

4. I voted Democrat because I'm way too irresponsible to

own a gun, and I know that my local police are all I need to

protect me from murderers and thieves.

5. I voted Democrat because I believe that people who can't

tell us if it will rain on Friday can tell us that the polar ice

caps will melt away in ten years if I don't start driving a Prius.

6. I voted Democrat because I'm not concerned about millions

of babies being aborted so long as we keep all death row

inmates alive.

7. I voted Democrat because I think illegal aliens have a

right to free health care, education, and Social Security

benefits at my expense.

8. I voted Democrat because I believe that business should

not be allowed to make profits for themselves. They need to

break even and give the rest away to the government for

redistribution as the Democrats see fit.

9. I voted Democrat because I believe liberal judges need

to rewrite the Constitution every few days to suit some

fringe kooks who would never get their agendas past the voters.

10. I voted Democrat because I think that it's better to pay

billions to people who hate us for their oil, but not drill our own

because it might upset some endangered beetle or gopher.

11. I voted Democrat because while we live in the greatest,

most wonderful country in the world, I was promised

"HOPE AND CHANGE".

12. I voted Democrat because my head is so firmly planted

up my ASS it's unlikely that I'll ever have another point of view.

The Definition of DUI

2011-11-06T03:00:00.000-08:00

Now here's a hard core drinker and one tough Dodge truck.

The driver hit and sheared off the light post, and then kept

driving about 2 miles to a bar, where he stopped for more

beer! How impaired do you have to be to NOT notice that

you are carrying a stop light? (I wonder if the light was green?)
The truck was towed about 2.5 miles to the towing yard,

with the light still pinched between the two tow hooks and

the bumper bent around it.

It took several good hard pulls with a backhoe to get the pole free.

Now that's what you call drunk driving!
"Life's tough....
It's even tougher if you're stupid."
John Wayne

Here Come Da Judge ~ OR ~ Rule 5 Woodsterman Style

2011-11-05T03:00:00.000-07:00

NewsBusted 11/4/11 ~ NewsBusters.org

2011-11-04T06:33:00.000-07:00

Hey boys and girls, dudes and dudettes, it's that time

of year again. We just got close to a foot of snow over

night. I wouldn't normally care, but I have to travel

west over Donner Summit. I'm getting my truck serviced

and then traveling on to Sacramento to the yearly

Woodworking Show. This special event is almost as

much fun as Christmas to a woodworker. I also have

hotel reservations I would probably have to pay even

if I didn't show up.

So, I've preposted tomorrows blog entry, and I probably

can't visit you as much as I like to. Now it's time to get out

there and clean up that snow. It's really light and fluffy,

so it should go quickly.

The Latest Landing of Wal-Martians 2

2011-11-03T03:00:00.000-07:00

They just keep getting better ... Thanks David !

The Latest Landing of Wal-Martians

2011-11-02T03:00:00.000-07:00

They're Here .....

Again we are blessed ... Thanks David !

NewsBusted 11/1/11 ~ NewsBusters.org

2011-11-01T07:18:00.001-07:00

Happy Sexy Halloween !

2011-10-31T03:00:00.000-07:00

It just gives me joy!

Hangover Finalists ... 3

2011-10-30T03:00:00.000-07:00

And the winner is . . . . .

Thanks David !

Saturday Blonde ~ OR ~ Rule 5 Woodsterman Style

2011-10-29T03:00:00.000-07:00

NewsBusted 10/28/11 ~ NewsBusters.org

2011-10-28T06:57:00.001-07:00

Hangover Finalists 2 ...

2011-10-27T03:00:00.000-07:00

Thanks David !

Hangover Finalists

2011-10-26T03:00:00.000-07:00

I had to doctor a couple of things ...

Thanks David !