Thursday, December 14, 2017

Lexophile



"Lexophile" is a word used to describe those that have a love for words,
such as "you can tune a piano, but you can't tuna fish", or "to write with
a broken pencil is pointless." A competition to see who can come up with
the best lexophiles is held every year in an undisclosed location.

Here are this year's winning submissions:

When fish are in schools, they sometimes take debate.

.. A thief who stole a calendar got twelve months.

.. When the smog lifts in Los Angeles U.C.L.A.

... The batteries were given out free of charge.

A dentist and a manicurist married. They fought tooth and nail.

... A will is a dead giveaway.

... With her marriage, she got a new name and a dress.

... A boiled egg is hard to beat.

.. When you've seen one shopping center you've seen a mall.

... Police were summoned to a daycare center where a three-year-old was
resisting a rest.

.. Did you hear about the fellow whose entire left side was cut off? He's
all right now.

... A bicycle can't stand alone; it's just two tired.

.. When a clock is hungry it goes back four seconds.

... The guy who fell onto an upholstery machine is now fully recovered.

.. He had a photographic memory which was never developed.

.. When she saw her first strands of grey hair she thought she'd dye.

.. Acupuncture is a jab well done. That's the point of it.

And finally:

... Those who get too big for their britches will be totally exposed in the
end.


Thanks Dan

Wednesday, December 13, 2017

Tuesday, December 12, 2017

Saturday, December 9, 2017

Board of Directors ~OR~ Rule 5 Woodsterman Style



All the members of the company's Board of Directors were called into the Chairman's office, one after another,
until only Ted, the junior member, was left sitting outside.

Finally it was his turn to be summoned. 

Ted entered the office to find the Chairman and the other four Directors seated at the far end of the boardroom table.

Ted was instructed to stand at the other end of the table, which he did.

The Chairman looked Ted squarely in the eye, and with a stern voice, he asked:

"Have you ever had sex with my secretary, Miss Floyd?"

"Oh, no, sir, positively not...!" Ted replied.

"Are you absolutely sure...?" asked the chairman.

"Honest, I've never been close enough to even touch her...!"

"You'd swear to that...?"

"Yes, I swear I've never had sex with Miss Floyd, anytime, anywhere…"  insisted Ted.



"Good, then YOU fire her."
 




 Thanks T-Bone

Other Members of the Board Rule 5 ers:

Friday, December 8, 2017

Thursday, December 7, 2017

Wednesday, December 6, 2017

Tuesday, December 5, 2017

Saturday, December 2, 2017

FORE! ~OR~ Rule 5 Woodsterman Style



When the final lady is ready to hit her ball, she hacks it 10 feet. Then she
goes over and whiffs it completely. Then she hacks it another ten feet and
finally hacks it another five feet.

She looks up at the patiently waiting men and says apologetically, "I guess
all those fucking lessons I took over the winter didn't help."

One of the men immediately responds, "Well, there you have it. You should
have taken golf lessons instead!"

He never even had a chance to duck. He was 43 ...
 




Thanks Dan
 

Friday, December 1, 2017

Thursday, November 30, 2017

Wednesday, November 29, 2017

Tuesday, November 28, 2017