Friday, August 18, 2017

Thursday, August 17, 2017

Odds and Ends


Go Figure . . . Honest?
 New TV Tray
 I guess the NFL wants another holiday
at the Woodsterman house. And I thought it
was over. 
 It's not so much that this jerk sits through the
National Anthem, it's that his coach, his
team mates, the team's owner, AND the NFL
give this douche bag a pass. GOOD BYE NFL!  

Wednesday, August 16, 2017

Blondes Say The Darnest Things


What is 710 ?

A few days ago I was having some work done at my local garage
when a blonde came in and asked for a seven-hundred-ten.
We all looked at each other and another customer asked, 'What is a seven-hundred-ten?'
She replied, 'You know, the little piece in the middle of the engine,
I have lost it and need a new one.'
She replied that she did not know exactly what it was, but this piece had always been there.               
The mechanic gave her a piece of paper and a pen and asked her to draw what the piece looked like.
She drew a circle and in the middle of it wrote 710.
He then took her over to a car just like hers which had its hood up and asked, 'Is there a 710 on this car?'
She pointed and said, 'Of course, it’s right there.' The mechanic fainted.
 

If you're not sure what a 710 is Scroll down.




 








 Thanks David

Sunday, August 13, 2017

Tyrone . . . .


Tyrone was having trouble in school; his teacher was always yelling at him, "You're driving me crazy, Tyrone; will you ever learn anything?"

One day Tyrone's mother came to school to see how he was doing. The teacher told her honestly that her son was simply a disaster, getting very low marks, and that she had never had such an unmotivated and ignorant boy in her entire teaching career.

Tyrone's mom, shocked at the feedback, withdrew her son from school and moved out of Detroit, relocating to Cleveland.

25 years later, the teacher was diagnosed with irreversible cardiac disease. Her doctors all strongly advised her to have open heart surgery, which only one surgeon at the Cleveland Clinic could perform. Left with no other options, the teacher decided to have the operation, which was remarkably successful.

When she opened her eyes after the surgery she saw the handsome young doctor who headed her surgical team smiling down at her. She wanted to thank him, but could not talk. Her face started to turn blue, she raised her hand, trying to tell him something, but quickly died.

The doctor was shocked, wondering what went wrong so suddenly. When the doctor turned around to leave the room, he saw Tyrone, now a janitor at the Clinic, had unplugged the life-support equipment in order to plug in his vacuum cleaner.

If you thought that Tyrone had become a heart-surgeon, there is a high likelihood that you voted for Hillary.


Thanks Hal

Friday, August 11, 2017

Must Be Fun Friday . . . .


Doing a little preposting this because I'm
doing a show this weekend.






Thanks Facebooksterguysandgals

Thursday, August 10, 2017

New Senior's Exam


I'm only posting this for the brightest of my friends
        
New Senior's Exam, you only need 4 correct 

out of 10 questions to pass. 


1) How long did the Hundred Years' War last?

2) Which country makes Panama hats?

3) From which animal do we get cat gut?

4) In which month do Russians celebrate the October Revolution?

5) What is a camel's hair brush made of?
 

6) The Canary Islands in the Atlantic are named after what animal?

7) What was King George VI's first name?

8) What color is a purple finch?

9) Where are Chinese gooseberries from?

10) What is the color of the black box in a commercial airplane?

Remember, you need only 4 correct answers to pass.


(Woodsterman only got one. How did you do?)


Check your answers below ....     

ANSWERS TO THE QUIZ


1) How long did the Hundred Years War last?116 years


2) Which country makes Panama hats?Ecuador

3) From which animal do we get cat gut? Sheep and Horses

4) In which month do Russians celebrate the October Revolution? November

5) What is a camel's hair brush made of? Squirrel fur

6) The Canary Islands in the Atlantic are named after what animal? Dogs

7) What was King George VI's first name?Albert

8 ) What color is a purple finch?
Crimson


9) Where are Chinese gooseberries from? New Zealand

10) What is the color of the black box in a commercial airplane?  Orange (of course)

What do you mean, you failed? 


Thanks David

Wednesday, August 9, 2017

Tuesday, August 8, 2017

DUI Stop . . . .


Look closely at the picture first and then read the story.


This actually happened to an Englishman, in France, who was totally drunk.

A French policeman stops the Englishman's car and asks if he has been drinking.

With great difficulty, the Englishman admits that he has been drinking all day,  that  his daughter got married that morning, and that he drank champagne and a few bottles of wine at the reception, and many single malts scotches thereafter.

Quite upset, the policeman proceeds to alcohol-test (breath test) the Englishman and verifies that he is indeed completely hammered.

He asks the Englishman if he knows why, under French Law, he is going to be arrested.

The Englishman answers with a bit of humor, "No sir, I do not!  But while we're asking questions, do you realize that this is a British car and my wife is driving . . . on the other side?

Thanks Hal

Sunday, August 6, 2017

Dear Diary . . . .



HER DIARY:

        Tonight I thought my husband was acting weird. We had made plans to meet at
        a bar to have a drink. I was shopping with my friends all day long so I
        thought he was upset at the fact that I was a bit late, but he made no
        comment on it.

        Conversation wasn't flowing, so I suggested that we go somewhere quiet so we
        could talk. He agreed, but he didn't say much. I asked him what was wrong;
        he said, 'Nothing.' I asked him if it was my fault that he was upset. He
        said he wasn't upset, that it had nothing to do with me, and not to worry
        about it.

        On the way home, I told him that I loved him. He smiled slightly, and kept
        driving. I can't explain his behavior. I don't know why he didn't say, 'I
        love you, too.' When we got home, I felt as if I had lost him completely, as
        if he wanted nothing to do with me anymore. He just sat there quietly, and
        watched TV. He continued to seem distant and absent.

        Finally, with silence all around us, I decided to go to bed. About 15
        minutes later, he came to bed. To my surprise, he responded to my caress,
        and we made love. But I still felt that he was distracted, and his thoughts
        were somewhere else.

        He fell asleep - I cried. I don't know what to do. I'm almost sure that his
        thoughts are with someone else. My life is a disaster.
        

            HIS DIARY:

            The Harley wouldn't start today.  Can't figure it out.  At least I got laid. 


Thanks Hal

Friday, August 4, 2017

Thursday, August 3, 2017