Monday, October 31, 2016

Sunday, October 30, 2016

Saturday, October 29, 2016

Sperm Bank ~OR~ Rule 5 Woodsterman Style

A guy walks into a sperm donor bank wearing a ski mask and holding a gun. He goes up to the nurse and demands her to open the sperm bank vault. She says "But sir, its just a sperm bank!", "I don't care, open it now!!!" he replies. So she opens the door to the vault and inside are all the sperm samples. The guy says "Take one of those sperm samples and drink it!", she looks at him "BUT, they are sperm samples???" , "DO IT!". So the nurse sucks it back. "That one there, drink that one as well.", so the nurse drinks that one as well. Finally after 4 samples the man takes off his ski mask and says, "See honey - its not that hard."

Other Sperm Seeking Rule 5 ers:

Friday, October 28, 2016


Sickest Golf Joke of all time

Saul Wallerstein was at the country club for his weekly round of golf. He began his round with an eagle on the first hole and a birdie on the second.

On the third hole just he had scored his first ever hole-in-one, his cell phone rang... It was a doctor notifying him that his wife had just been in an accident   and was in critical condition and in ICU.

The man told the doctor to inform his wife where he was and that he'd be there as soon as possible. As he hung up he realized he was leaving what was shaping up to be his best ever round of golf.

He decided to get in a couple of more holes before heading to the hospital. He ended up playing all eighteen, finishing his round shooting a personal best 61, shattering the club
record by five strokes and beating his previous best  game by more than 10. He was jubilant....

Then he remembered his wife. Feeling guilty he dashed to the hospital. He saw the doctor in the corridor and asked about his wife's condition.

The doctor glared at him and shouted, "You went ahead and finished your round of golf didn't you!  I hope you're proud of yourself!"

"While you were out for the past four hours enjoying yourself at the country club your wife has been languishing in the ICU! It's just as well you went ahead and finished that round because it will be more than likely your last! For the rest of her life she will require round the clock care and you will be her care giver! She will need IV's; you will have to change her colostomy bag every 3 hours; she will have to be spoon fed 3 times a day not to mention the hygiene care."

The man broke down and sobbed.

The doctor chuckled and said, "I'm just messing with you. She's dead.  What'd you shoot?"

Thanks Dan!

Thursday, October 27, 2016

Wednesday, October 26, 2016

Sunday, October 23, 2016

Friday, October 21, 2016

The Jogger

Clinton started jogging near his home in Chappaqua. 
But on each run he happened to jog past a hooker 
standing on the same street corner, day after day.


With some apprehension he would brace himself as he 
approached her for what was most certainly to follow.

"Fifty dollars!" she would cry out from the curb.

"No, Five dollars!" fired back Clinton This ritual between 
Bill and the hooker continued for days.

He'd run by and she'd yell, "Fifty dollars!"

And he'd yell back, "Five dollars!"

One day however, Hillary decided that she wanted 
to accompany her husband on his jog!

As the jogging couple neared the problematic street 
corner, Bill realized the "pro" would bark her $50 
offer and Hillary would wonder what he'd really been 
doing on all his past outings.

He realized he should have a darn good explanation 
for the former Secretary of State.

As they jogged into the turn that would take them 
past the corner, Bill became even more 
apprehensive than usual.

Sure enough, there was the hooker!

Bill tried to avoid the prostitute's eyes as she watched the pair jog past.

Then, from the sidewalk, the hooker yelled...
"See what you get for five bucks!?"

Thanks Hal

Thursday, October 20, 2016

Wednesday, October 19, 2016

Tuesday, October 18, 2016