Thursday, August 13, 2015

The Wheel and Beer . . . .


The two most important events in all of history were 
the invention  of beer and the invention of the wheel...   
 


Beer  required grain and that was the  beginning of agriculture.             
Neither  the glass bottle nor aluminum can were invented yet,

so  while our early humans were sitting around waiting 

for  them to be invented,

they just stayed close to the  brewery. 

That's how villages were  formed.   
 
The  wheel was invented to get man to the  beer.   
 
These  two were the foundation of modern 

civilization and, together,

were the catalyst for the splitting of humanity into two distinct subgroups:

1. Liberals.

2.  Conservatives.   
 
Some  men spent their days tracking and killing animals 

to BBQ  at night while they were drinking beer. This was 
the  beginning of what is known as the 
Conservative movement.   
 
Other  men who were less skilled at hunting learned to 

live off  the conservatives by showing up for the nightly 
BBQ's and  doing the sewing, fetching, and hairdressing. 
This was the  beginning of the Liberal movement.   
 
Some  of these liberal men evolved into women. 

Others became  known as girlie-men. Some noteworthy 
Liberal achievements  include the domestication of cats, 
the invention of group  therapy, group hugs, and the 
concept of democratic voting  to decide how to divide 
the meat and beer that  Conservatives provided.   
 
Over  the years Conservatives came to be symbolized 

by the  largest, most powerful land animal on earth, 
the elephant.  Liberals are symbolized by the jackass 
for obvious  reasons.   
 
Modern  Liberals like lite beer (with lime added), 

but most prefer  white wine or imported bottled water. 
They eat raw fish  but like their beef well done. Sushi, 
tofu, and French  food are standard Liberal fare. 
Another interesting  evolutionary side note: many 
Liberal women have higher  testosterone levels 
than their men.   
 
Most  college professors, social workers, personal 

injury  attorneys, journalists, film makers in Hollywood, 
group  therapists and community organizers are Liberals. 
Liberals  meddled in our national pastime and invented the  
designated hitter rule because it wasn't fair to make the 
pitcher also bat.   
 
Conservatives  drink real beer. They eat red meat and 

still provide for  their women. Conservatives are big 
game hunters, rodeo  cowboys, lumberjacks, construction 
workers, firemen,  medical doctors, police officers, engineers, 
corporate  executives, athletes, members of the military, 
airline  pilots, and generally anyone who works productively.   
Conservatives who own companies hire other conservatives  
who want to work for a living.   
 
Liberals  produce little or nothing. They like to govern the  

producers and decide what to do with the production.  
Liberals believe Europeans are more enlightened than  
Americans. That is why most of the Liberals remained in  
Europe when Conservatives were coming to America . 
They  crept in after the Wild West was tamed and created a  
business of trying to get more for  nothing.   
 
Here  ends today's lesson in world history. It should be noted  

that a Liberal may have a momentary urge to angrily  respond 
to this post.   
 
A  Conservative will simply laugh and be so convinced of the  

absolute truth of this history that it will be shared  immediately 
to other true believers and to just piss off  more liberals.   
 
And there you have it. Let your next action reveal your true self.

I'm going to have another  beer.


Thanks Hal

16 comments:

Adrienne said...

This is so true it's almost not funny - but it is.

My favorite comparison is watching a libtard order coffee at Starpuke: "I'd like a Venti Iced Skinny Hazelnut Macchiato, Sugar-Free Syrup, Extra Shot, Light Ice, No Whip."

A conservative orders a cup of black coffee.

Woodsterman (Odie) said...

Adrienne, this conservative makes his own at home for about 4 cents a cup and not $4.00. I do like to get one of their Mocha Coffees a couple times a year though.

Sandee said...

This is spot on Odie. Spot on.

Have a fabulous day. ☺

Woodsterman (Odie) said...

Sandee, they're everywhere I'm afraid.

Curmudgeon said...

I'm raising a brewski to honor you.

Woodsterman (Odie) said...

Curmudgeon, you honor me by being here, Sweet Pea!

Ron Russell said...

Makes sense to me, but then I'll not a liberal!

edutcher said...

Closer to the truth than you know.

DoubleTroubleTwo said...

Cheers Odie :-)

Woodsterman (Odie) said...

Ron, you're right, and what would a lib be doing here anyway. They don't have a sense of humor.

Woodsterman (Odie) said...

edutcher, not possible.

Woodsterman (Odie) said...

2T2, thank you Ma'am!

GOODSTUFF said...

CHEERS

Woodsterman (Odie) said...

GOODSTUFF, here's to bow legged women.

Adrienne said...

A conservative not only makes their own coffee, if there is left-overs it goes in a mason jar, refrigerated, and reheated the next day. The hell with that "coffee starts to break down after 20 minutes" bull-crap.

Woodsterman (Odie) said...

Adrienne, reheat? YUK!