Tuesday, July 14, 2015

Senior Moments

Just before the funeral services, the undertaker came up to 
the very elderly widow and asked,
'How old was your husband?'
'98,' she replied.... 'Two years older than me'
'So you're 96,' the undertaker commented..
She responded, 'Hardly worth going home, is it?

Reporters interviewing a 104-year-old woman:
'And what do you think is the best thing about 
being 104?' the reporter asked...
She simply replied, 'No peer pressure.'

The nice thing about being senile is you can hide your 
own Easter eggs and have fun finding them.

I've sure gotten old!
I've had two bypass surgeries, a hip replacement, new knees, 
fought prostate cancer and diabetes.
I'm half blind, can't hear anything quieter than a jet engine, 
take 40 different medications that make me dizzy, winded, 
and subject to blackouts.
Have bouts with dementia.
Have poor circulation; hardly feel my hands and feet anymore.
Can't remember if I'm 85 or 92.
Have lost all my friends.
But, thank God, I still have my driver's license.

I feel like my body has gotten totally out of shape, 
so I got my doctor's permission to join a 
fitness club and start exercising.
I decided to take an aerobics class for seniors.
I bent, twisted, gyrated, jumped up and down, 
and perspired for an hour. But, by the time I got my 
leotards on, the class was over.

My memory's not as sharp as it used to be.
Also, my memory's not as sharp as it used to be.

Know how to prevent sagging?
Just eat till the wrinkles fill out.

It's scary when you start making the same 
noises as your coffee maker.

These days about half the stuff in my 
shopping cart says, 'For fast relief.'

Grant me the senility to forget the 
people I never liked anyway,
the good fortune to run into the ones I do, 
and the eyesight to tell the difference.

Now, I think you're supposed to share this 
with 5 or 6, maybe 10 others.
Oh heck, give it to a bunch of your friends 
if you can remember who they are!

Thanks Dan


Sandee said...

I'm getting there Odie. Slowly but surely. Oh well, I don't like the alternative so bring it on.

Thanks for the chuckles and have a fabulous day. ☺

Woodsterman (Odie) said...

Sandee Who?

edutcher said...

And those alternative realities can be really great.

Woodsterman (Odie) said...

Edutcher, they are.

Ron Russell said...

Ain't it the fricking truth about that driver license! But Odie, even straight roads seem crooked these days, at least I think so! However, I'm still able to find the two prime number that have a product of 3477 and a difference of 4! That said, I can't remember my cell phone number! And buddy that's the truth!

Woodsterman (Odie) said...

Ron, and why should you. Do you ever call it?