Wednesday, June 10, 2015

Wednesday Word Play . . . .


I changed my i Pod name to Titanic. 
It's syncing now.

I tried to catch some fog. I mist.

When chemists die, they barium.

Jokes about German sausage are the wurst.

A soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper 

spray is now a seasoned veteran.

I know a guy who's addicted to brake fluid. 

He says he can stop any time.

How does Moses make his tea? Hebrews it.

I stayed up all night to see where the sun went. 

Then it dawned on me.

This girl said she recognized me from the vegetarian club, 

but I'd never met herbivore.

I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. I can't put it down.

I did a theatrical performance about puns. 

It was a play on words.

They told me I had type A blood, but it was a Type- O.

Why were the Indians here first? They had reservations.

Energizer bunny arrested. Charged with battery.
I didn't like my beard at first. Then it grew on me.

When you get a bladder infection, urine trouble.

What does a clock do when it's hungry? 

It goes back four seconds.

I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. 

Then it hit me.

Broken pencils are pointless.

England has no kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool .

I used to be a banker, but then I lost interest.

All the toilets in New York 's police stations have been stolen. 

Police have nothing to go on.

Haunted French pancakes give me the crepes.

Velcro - what a rip off!

Cartoonist found dead in home. Details are sketchy.

Earthquake in Washington obviously government's fault.


Thanks Hal

12 comments:

  1. Puns, word play. I don't get it.

    Now, Limericks, THERE's some real word play. That, and the Nantucket Chamber of Commerce can continue to service their yacht payments, c'mon, Odie, you know how they go...

    There once was a goat herd from Riyahd
    The imams took all the goats he had
    Then he joined mujahidin
    Oh, the places he'd seen
    But it's way too much work now, this jihad

    ReplyDelete
  2. There once was a fellow O'Doole
    Who found little red spots on his tool
    His Doctor a cynic
    said Get out of me clinic,
    And wipe off that lipstick you fool!

    A pirate, history relates
    Was scuffling with some of his mates
    When he slipped on a cutlass
    Which rendered him nutless
    And practically useless on dates

    There once was a woman named Jill
    Who swallowed an exploding pill
    They found her vagina
    In North Carolina
    And her tits in a tree in Brazil

    A new farmer's helper named Kull
    Accidentally was milking a bull
    The farmer said, "Boy yer dumb,
    You done milked the wrong one!"
    Said the boy, "But me whole bucket's full."

    Twas a crazy old man called O'Keef
    Who caused local farmers much grief
    To their cows he would run
    Cut their legs off for fun
    And say "Look, I've invented ground beef!"

    ReplyDelete
  3. Fredd, Did you know they don't have whore houses? They call them goat houses.

    ReplyDelete
  4. LL, Where do I start? I guess the first thing is remove the lipstick.

    ReplyDelete
  5. It looks like you're a post and your commenters are weighing in as well. LL had some good ones and Fred's was good too.

    Have a fabulous day Odie. ☺

    ReplyDelete
  6. Sandee, it's no more than another case of the inmates running the asylum.

    ReplyDelete
  7. Aaaarrrrrggggghhhhhh!

    Words fail me.

    ReplyDelete
  8. You heard about the cannibal who ate his mother-in-law?
    Gladiator.

    ReplyDelete
  9. Proof, where were you when I posted this?

    ReplyDelete

Put it here ... I can't wait to read it.