Sunday, June 7, 2015

Christmas Gloves . . . .


A young man called Chris from London wanted to buy a Christmas
present for his new girlfriend Maggie.

They hadn't been seeing each other for very long and she lived in Scotland.

Chris consulted with his sister and decided, after careful
consideration, that a pair of good quality gloves would strike the
right note... not too romantic and not too personal.

Off he went with his sister to Harrods and they selected a dainty
pair of fur lined quality leather gloves. His sister bought a pair of
sexy knickers for herself at the same time.

Harrods had a free gift wrap offer but the assistant mixed up the
two items, the sister got the gloves and Chris unknowingly got the
knickers.

Good old Chris sent off his gift wrapped present in a parcel with
the following letter.


Dear Maggie,

I chose these because I've noticed that you are not wearing any when we
go out in the evenings. If it had not been for my sister I would have
chosen the long ones with buttons, but she wears shorter ones (which
are easier to remove).

These are a very delicate shade, but the lady I bought them from showed
me the pair she had been wearing for the past three weeks and I hardly
noticed any marks.

I had her try yours on for me and she looked really smart in them even
though they were a little bit tight on her. She also said that they rub
against her ring which helps keep it clean. In fact she hasn't needed
to wash it since she began wearing them.

I wish I was there to put them on for you the first time, as no doubt
many other hands will touch them before I have a chance to see you
again.

When you take them off remember to blow into them a little bit because
they will be naturally a little damp from wearing.

Just imagine how many times my lips will kiss them during the coming
year.

I hope you will wear them for me on our next date.

All my love,

Chris

P.S. My mum tells me that the latest style is to wear them folded
down with a little bit of fur showing.

Thanks Dan

*****************************

Dear Abby,
My husband is a liar and a cheat. He has cheated on me from the beginning, and, when I confront him, he denies everything. What's worse, everyone knows that he cheats on me. It is so humiliating.
Also, since he lost his job 14 years ago, he hasn't even looked for a new one.
All he does all day is smoke cigars, cruise around and shoot the bull with his buddies, while I have to work to pay the bills.
Since our daughter went away to college he doesn't even pretend to like me, and even hints that I may be a lesbian.
What should I do?
Signed: Clueless

Dear Clueless:
Grow up and dump him. You don't need him anymore! Good grief woman, you're running for President of the United States.

Thanks David 


18 comments:

Fredd said...

This Dear Abby letter has lots of lies within. One for example, that the hubby hasn't looked for a job in 14 years. Not true, he gives speeches for half a million bucks a pop, you know, to pay the bills.

Gotta pay those dag nab bills, Odie.

LL said...

"Grow up and dump him. You don't need him anymore! Good grief woman, you're running for President of the United States." -- so much truth contained in a 'joke'.

Woodsterman (Odie) said...

Fredd, don't you wish that was for bail.

Woodsterman (Odie) said...

LL, the two of them together can ruin a country. Then throw the Boy King into the mix ......

Timothy Hecht said...

That mistake was no hand ax-ident. (Sorry)

Marcia Shaw Wyatt said...

Two excellent laughs here this morning! Thank you Odie! :)

Sandee said...

Bwahahahahahah on both of the and especially the mix up on that gift. That was brilliant.

Have a fabulous Silly Sunday. ☺

stevebethere said...

LMAO @ the jokes Especially the confusuion with the gifts I can just picture the woman reading it cos what was going through my mind was .....erm...LOL

Have a gifttastic week ahead

PS: I used to work in Harrods many moons ago heheh!

Proof said...

It's totally fallacious to say Hillary doesn't need Bill anymore. Bill knows where all the bodies are buried. Literally.

edutcher said...

Seen both elsewhere, but they're still good.

As for the young lady in Bonnie Scotland, we can only hope she's a good sport.

(in more ways than one)

messymimi said...

Heeheehee! Her problem is she's an addict, and he's her addiction. As for that young man, poor guy!

Woodsterman (Odie) said...

Timothy, it's OK, you couldn't help it.

Woodsterman (Odie) said...

Marcia, that's my job.

Woodsterman (Odie) said...

Sandee, That is really a good one huh. Just adult enough.

Woodsterman (Odie) said...

Steve, that could get a little hairy ... did I really write that?

Woodsterman (Odie) said...

Proof, we know of 5 for sure. How many more do you think there are?

Woodsterman (Odie) said...

edutcher, you go elsewhere?

Woodsterman (Odie) said...

messymimi, power hungry huh.