Monday, April 13, 2015

PERKS OF GETTING OLD



1. Kidnappers are not very interested in you.

2. In a hostage situation you are likely to be released first.

3. No one expects you to run--anywhere.

4. People call at 9 PM and ask, "Did I wake you?"

5. People no longer view you as a hypochondriac.

6. There is nothing left to learn the hard way.

7. Things you buy now won't wear out.

8. You can eat supper at 5 PM.

9. You can live without sex but not your glasses.

10. You get into heated arguments about pension plans.

11. You no longer think of speed limits as a challenge.

12. You quit trying to hold your stomach in no matter who walks into the room.

13. You sing along with elevator music.

14. Your eyes won't get much worse.

15. Your investment in health insurance is finally beginning to pay off.

16. Your joints are more accurate meteorologists than the national weather service.

17. Your secrets are safe with your friends because they can't remember them either.

18. Your supply of brain cells is finally down to manageable size.

19. You can't remember who sent you this list.

20. And you notice these are all in Big Print for your convenience. 


Show this to everyone you can remember right now!

And remember, never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same day


Thanks Hal

23 comments:

Curmudgeon said...

And you never thought you'd grow a hair there.

Have a great week Odie.

Adrienne said...

An absolutely spot-on perfect list. I was in bed at 9pm last night only because at 8:30 I declared it "too early."

Ron Russell said...

Like that bottom one these most. I'm sure you understand the meaning of what I comprehend.

Sandee said...

These are ever so true Odie. I can relate to every single one. Well, except the last one. I know better than to try that one.

Have a fabulous day. :)

cube said...

I love these, but #9 is problematic...
it's easy enough to have both.

Teresa said...

Too funny yet so true. Great list!

edutcher said...

1 only applies if you're not J Paul Getty.

Which most of us aren't.

Woodsterman (Odie) said...

Curmudgeon, where? Where?

Woodsterman (Odie) said...

Adrienne, ain't that something. The only way I can make it to 9:00 is if I take a nap at 7:00.

Woodsterman (Odie) said...

Ron, I had to read it to Mrs. Woodsterman so she would understand why I was laughing so hard.

Woodsterman (Odie) said...

Sandee, what was that last one? I kind of forgot.

Woodsterman (Odie) said...

Cube, if you have your glasses, you can find the remote, and you no longer need the sex.

Woodsterman (Odie) said...

Teresa, they are me.

Woodsterman (Odie) said...

edutcher, you're not?

Diogenes Sarcastica™ said...

Thanks for reminding me of what I have to look forward to....besides menopause. ;)

Woodsterman (Odie) said...

DS, glad to help.

LL said...

NEVER take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same day, absolutely goddamn never.

edutcher said...

Odie, let me look, I may have forgotten.

edutcher said...

Odie, let me look, I may have forgotten.

Woodsterman (Odie) said...

LL, I laughed so much when I saw that one.

Woodsterman (Odie) said...

edutcher, yes ... Yes ...

cube said...

You're no fun.

Woodsterman (Odie) said...

cube, but I can be ... I think.