Sunday, April 26, 2015

EXTREME REDNECKS


You're An EXTREME Redneck When...




1. You let your 14-year-old daughter smoke at 
     the dinner table;  in front of her kids.
 

2. The Blue Book value of your truck goes up and 
    down depending on how much gas is in it.

3. You've been married three times and still have 

    the same in-laws.

4. You think a woman who is out of your league 

    bowls on a different night.
 

5. You wonder how service stations keep their 
    rest-rooms so clean.
 

6. Someone in your family died right after saying, 
    'Hey, guys, watch this.'
 

7. You think Dom Perpignan is a Mafia leader.

8. Your wife's hairdo was once ruined by a ceiling fan.

9. Your junior prom offered day care.

10. You think the last words of the Star-Spangled Banner 

      are 'Gentlemen, start your engines.'

11. You lit a match in the bathroom and your house exploded;  

      right off its wheels.

12. The Halloween pumpkin on your porch has more 

      teeth than your spouse.

13. You have to go outside to get something from the fridge.

14. One of your kids was born on a pool table.

15. You need one more hole punched in your card to get 

      a freebie at the House of Tattoos.

16. You can't get married to your sweetheart because 

      there's a law against it.

17. You think loading the dishwasher means 

      getting your wife drunk.




And in closing....

Two good ol' boys in an Alabama trailer park,  were sitting 

around talking one afternoon over a cold beer, after getting 
off work at the local chicken processing plant.

After a while,  the first guy says to the second, "If'n I was 

to sneak over to your trailer Saturday and make love to your 
wife while you was off huntin', and she got pregnant and 
had a baby, would that make us kin?"

The second guy crooked his head sideways for a minute, 

scratched his head and squinted his eyes thinking real hard 
about the question.  Finally, he says, "Well, I don't know 
about kin, but it would make us even!"

Thanks Hal

18 comments:

Fredd said...

I done heard that if'n your front porch collapsed and more 'n three dogs died, you might make this here list.

Fredd said...

Question: what did the redneck's daughter (redneck shown in the photo above) say to him right before her junior prom?

Answer: 'get off me, daddy, you're crushin' my Marlboros.'

Fredd said...

One final question, Odie:

What is the finest compliment you can pay to a gal from West Virginia?

"Say, nice tooth you got there, darlin'.

Sandee said...

Bwahahahahahahahaha. Love them all and that last one made me spew my coffee on the monitor.

I linked you to Silly Sunday.

Have a terrific Silly Sunday. ☺

Woodsterman (Odie) said...

Fredd, I reckon.

Woodsterman (Odie) said...

Fredd, Wrong! She's a carryin our third child and not supposed to smoke or chew.

stevebethere said...

LMAO hilarious I bet the second guy spewed all his beer all over the place like Sandee's coffee ;-)

Have a tanfastic Sunday :-)

Woodsterman (Odie) said...

Fredd, thadid be the one i choosed.

Woodsterman (Odie) said...

Sandee, thank ye kindly and thars a wornin about that coffee drinkin thing around heres somewar.

Woodsterman (Odie) said...

Steve, redneck stories are sometimes hard to predict.

Proof said...

If you think people with electricity are uppity...you may be a Redneck!

Woodsterman (Odie) said...

Proof, think hell, they are uppity.

edutcher said...

If you think that's fiction, The Blonde has cousins that live that life.

Woodsterman (Odie) said...

Edutcher, are you kidding, I live that life.

Madhat said...

If you think that indoor plumbing is a luxury of the rich and famous, you might be on this list...

skybill said...

Hi Odie,
Ifn' ya' call those little white things on top of the sweet 'tater pie "Mushmellons" instead of "Marshmallows,"...you definitely "Are" a "RedNeck!!"
With all due sympathies to Jeff Foxworthy!,
III%,
skybill-out

Woodsterman (Odie) said...

Madhat, I been thinking it a time or two my own self.

Woodsterman (Odie) said...

Skybill, "mushmellons"?