Friday, November 28, 2014

Happy Black Friday

I'm at home having a turkey samich for breakfast.

Thursday, November 27, 2014

A Boy and His Parrot

A sentimental story about a young lad 
(we’ll call him John) and his Parrot.

A young man named John received a parrot as a gift. 
The parrot had a bad attitude and an even worse  vocabulary.

Every word out of the bird's mouth was rude, obnoxious 

and laced with profanity. John tried and tried to
change the bird's attitude by consistently saying only polite words, playing soft music and anything else he could
think of to 'clean up' the bird's vocabulary.

Finally, John was fed up and he yelled at the parrot. 
The parrot yelled back. John shook the parrot and the
parrot got angrier and even more rude. John, in desperation, 

threw up his hand, grabbed the bird and put him in the freezer.

For a few minutes the parrot squawked and kicked and screamed. Then suddenly there was total quiet. 
Not a peep was heard for over a minute.

Fearing that he'd hurt the parrot, John quickly opened the 

door to the freezer. The parrot calmly stepped out
onto John's outstretched arms and said "I believe I may have 

offended you with my rude language and
actions. I'm sincerely remorseful for my inappropriate 

transgressions and I fully intend to do
everything I can to correct my rude and unforgivable behavior."

John was stunned at the change in the bird's attitude.

As he was about to ask the parrot what had made such a 

dramatic change in his behavior,
the bird spoke-up, very softly, "May I ask what the turkey did?"

Thank you Mr. Trailbee.

Wednesday, November 26, 2014


There's an annual contest at Bond University, Australia, calling for the most appropriate definition of a contemporary term.

 This year's chosen term was "political correctness".
 The winning student wrote:

 "Political correctness is a doctrine, fostered by a delusional, illogical minority, and promoted by mainstream media, which holds forth the proposition that it is entirely possible to pick up a piece of shit by the clean end."

Thank You Mr. Trailbee.

Tuesday, November 25, 2014

Washington ... Just A Reminder


If you start with a cage containing five monkeys, and inside the cage hang a banana on a string from the top, and then you place a set of stairs under the banana, before long a monkey will go to the stairs and climb toward the banana.

As soon as he touches the stairs, you spray ALL the monkeys with cold water.

After a while another monkey makes an attempt with same result -- ALL the monkeys are sprayed with cold water. Pretty soon when another monkey tries to climb the stairs, the other monkeys will try to prevent it.

Now, put the cold water away.

Remove one monkey from the cage and replace it with a new monkey. The new monkey sees the banana and attempts to climb the stairs. To his shock, ALL of the other monkeys beat the Monkey Crap out of him.

After another attempt and attack, he knows that if he tries to climb the stairs he will be assaulted.

Next, remove another of the original five monkeys, replacing it with a new monkey.

The newcomer goes to the stairs and is attacked. The previous newcomer takes part in the punishment -- with enthusiasm -- because he is now part of the "team."

Then, replace a third original monkey with a new monkey, followed by the fourth, then the fifth. Every time the newest monkey takes to the stairs, he is attacked.

Now, the monkeys that are beating him up have no idea why they were not permitted to climb the stairs. Neither do they know why they are participating in the beating of the newest monkey.

Finally, having replaced all of the original monkeys, none of the remaining monkeys will have ever been sprayed with cold water. Nevertheless, not one of the monkeys will try to climb the stairway for the banana.

Why, you ask? Because in their minds, that is the way it has always been!
This, my friends, is how today's House and Senate operates; and this is why, from time to time:
ALL of the monkeys need to be
DISCLAIMER:  This is meant as no disrespect to monkeys.
Thank You Mr. Trailbee.

Monday, November 24, 2014

Sunday, November 23, 2014

The Most Private of Parts

 Wildlife Shot of the Year
 Wow, can you appreciate the timing of this photographer?


Saturday, November 22, 2014

Blondelicious ~OR~ Rule 5 Woodsterman Style

A blonde goes into a computer store and asks the clerk 
"Where do you keep the curtains for computers?" The 
clerk answers with a puzzled face "Curtains for computers? 
You don't need curtains for computers." The blonde's eyes 
widen and she shakes her head as she answers 
"Hello!?? My computer has Windows!!"

Other Blondelicious Rule 5 ers:

Friday, November 21, 2014


After their 11th child, an Alabama
couple decided that was enough, as they could not afford a larger bed.
So the husband went to his veterinarian
and told him that he and his cousin didn't want
to have any more children.
The doctor told him that there was a
procedure called a vasectomy that could fix the problem but that it was expensive. 'A less costly alternative,'
said the doctor, 'is to go home, get a cherry bomb,
(fireworks  are legal in Alabama) light it, put it in a
beer can(COORS), then hold the can up to your ear and count to 10.'
The Alabamian said to the doctor,
'I may not be the smartest tool in the shed, but I
don't see how putting a cherry bomb in a beer can next
to my ear is going to help me.'
'Trust me,' said the doctor.

So the man went home, lit a cherry bomb
and put it in a beer can.
He held the can up to his ear and began
to count!
( you'll love this...)

At which point he paused, placed the
beer can between his legs and
continued counting on his other hand.

This procedure also works in All of Washington DC .

Thursday, November 20, 2014

The Good, The Bad, and The Stupid . . .

This last one makes want to say something,
But I'm cool.

Wednesday, November 19, 2014

Late Post Because I Was Exhausted Yesterday

Thank you all so much with your well wishes and prayers.
We got back home yesterday afternoon with the
little woman feeling better than she did last time.

I have to keep her quiet for six weeks. Oh Boy,
wish me luck for Thanksgiving Dinner. I'll have
the Mrs. close by to supervise.

Tuesday, November 18, 2014

Stuff (Posted From A Waiting Room)

And bringing up the rear, "Tail of Two Asses".

Monday, November 17, 2014


Click here to sign the petition (LINK)

Thank You Mr. Trailbee!


Update of the Update:
Hi boys and girls, A little explanation as to my absence as of
late. Remember the Mrs. Woodsterman's surgery? A pacemaker/defibrillator was installed. After that (Thursday
through Saturday) we (I) had the grandson while his father and mother went to Las Vegas where his father's band played. 

Well the good news (not really), The Mrs. pacemaker didn't
take. One of the leads to her heart can loose. So, Monday (today)
she gets to do it all over again. She is taking it very well, so
my happy face has to be on. She's a very tough old girl, and
she needs my strength and utmost attention.

I love you all! 

Update to the Update of the Update: 
Everything went well and she's coming out in a couple minutes. It's 2:05 pm PST ... Thank you all!!!!!   

Sunday, November 16, 2014

Saturday, November 15, 2014

EXCELLENCE ~OR~ Rule 5 Woodsterman Style

A man met a beautiful blonde lady and he decided 
he wanted to marry her right away. She said, 'But we 
don't know anything about each other.' He
said, 'That's all right, we'll learn about each other 
as we go along. 'So, she consented, and they were 
married, and went on a honeymoon to a very
nice resort.

One morning they were lying by the pool, when he got 
up off of his towel, climbed up to the 10 Meter board 
and did a two and a half tuck gainer, this
was followed by a three rotations in a jackknife position, 
where he straightened out and cut the water like a knife. 
After a few more demonstrations, he came back and lay 
down on the towel.
She said,' That was incredible!'

He said, 'I used to be an Olympic diving champion. 
You see, I told you we'd
learn more about ourselves as we went along.'
So she got up, jumped in the pool, and started doing laps. 
After about fifty laps she climbed back out and lay 
down on her towel, hardly out of breath.
He said, 'That was incredible! 
Were you an Olympic endurance swimmer?'

'No.' she said, 'I was a hooker in Oregon  and I worked both
sides of the Columbia River.'

Thank You Mr. Trailbee !

Friday, November 14, 2014