Sunday, March 31, 2013

Could You Please Cash This ?

President Obama walks into the Bank of America to cash 
a check. As he approaches the cashier he says, "Good 
morning Ma'am, could you please cash this check for me?"

Cashier:
"It would be my pleasure sir. Could you please show me your ID?"


Obama:
"Truthfully, I did not bring my ID with me as I didn't think 

there was any need to. I am President Barack Obama, the 
President of the United States of AMERICA !!!!"

Cashier:
"Yes sir, I know who you are, but with all the regulations 

and monitoring of the banks because of impostors and 
forgers and requirements of the Dodd/Frank legislation, etc., 
I must insist on seeing ID."

Obama:
Just ask anyone here at the bank who I am and they will 

tell you. Everybody knows who I am."

Cashier:
"I am sorry Mr. President but these are the bank rules 

and I must follow them."

Obama:
"I am urging you, please, to cash this check."

Cashier:
"Look Mr. President, here is an example of what we can do. 

One day, Tiger Woods came into the bank without ID. To 
prove he was Tiger Woods he pulled out his putter and made 
a beautiful shot across the bank into a cup. With that shot we 
knew him to be Tiger Woods and cashed his check.
Another time, Andre Agassi came in without ID. He pulled 

out his tennis racquet and made a fabulous shot whereas the 
tennis ball landed in my cup. With that shot we cashed his check.
So, Mr. President, what can you do to prove that it is you, and 

only you, as the President of the United States?"

Obama:
Obama stands there thinking, and thinking, and finally says, 

"Honestly, my mind is a total blank...there is nothing that comes 
to my mind. I can't think of a single thing. I have absolutely no 
idea what to do and I don't have a clue.

Cashier:
"Will that be large or small bills, Mr. President?


Thanks David !

*****************************************

To You All !

Friday, March 29, 2013

Confused . . .



Confused?

I become confused when I hear the word "Service
used with these agencies:

Internal Revenue 'Service'
US Postal 'Service'
Telephone 'Service'
Cable TV 'Service'
Civil 'Service'
Federal, State, City, & public 'Service'
Customer 'Service'


This is NOT what I thought 'Service' meant.

But today, I overheard two farmers talking, and one of them 
said he had hired a bull to 'Service' a few cows.

BAM!!! It all came into focus. Now I understand 
what all those agencies are doing to us.

You are now as enlightened as I am.

Thanks David !

Thursday, March 28, 2013

Walter

President Obama goes to a primary school to talk to 
the kids. After his talk he offers question time.

One little boy puts up his hand, and Obama asks him 

his name. " Walter," responds the little boy.

"And what is your question, Walter?"

"I have four questions"
First, "Why did the USA Bomb Libya without the 

support of the Congress?"
Second, "Why do you keep saying you fixed the 

economy when it's actually gotten worse?"
Third, "Why did you say that Jeremiah Wright was 

your mentor, then said that you knew nothing about 
his preaching and beliefs?"
Fourth, "Why are we lending money to Brazil to drill 

for oil, but America is not allowed to drill for oil?"

Just then, the bell rings for recess.

Obama informs the kiddies that they will continue 

after recess. When they resume Obama says, 
"OK, where were we?

Oh, that's right: question time..
Who has a question?"

Another little boy puts up his hand. Obama points him 

out and asks him his name.

"Steve," he responds.

"And what is your question, Steve?"

Actually, I have two questions.
First, "Why did the recess bell ring 20 minutes early?"
Second, "What the fuck happened to Walter?"


Thanks David !

Wednesday, March 27, 2013

I Can Relate !


 Florida Retirement RV
 Practicing to be nudist
 Finders Keepers
 Enjoying My Retirement
Thanks David !

Monday, March 25, 2013

Liberal Nuisance

A liberal will go the extra mile to prove they
know better than you what's best for you. If
you're like me, you hope this one went just a
bit too far.

Thanks Dan !

Sunday, March 24, 2013

More Right Wing Gun Owning Fanatics




 "Where can I get my pistol engraved like this?"
A reporter did a human-interest piece on the Texas Rangers.  The reporter recognized the Colt Model 1911 the Ranger was carrying and asked him "Why do you carry a 45?"  The Ranger responded, "Because they don't make a 46."
---------
 
The old sheriff was attending an awards dinner when a lady commented on his wearing his sidearm.  "Sheriff, I see you have your pistol.  Are you expecting trouble?"  He promptly replied, "No Ma'am.  If I were expecting trouble, I would have brought my shotgun."
---------
 
I was once asked by a lady visiting if I had a gun in the house?  I said I did.  She said, "Well I certainly hope it isn't loaded!"  To which I said, "Of course it is loaded; it can't work without bullets!"  She then asked, "Are you that afraid of someone evil coming into your house?"  My reply was, "No, not at all.  I am not afraid of the house catching fire either, but I have fire extinguishers around, and they are all loaded too."
 
 
 
HAVE A NICE DAY!
 
And Remember...
Thanks Dan !


Friday, March 22, 2013

Right Wing Gun Owning Fanatics









This about says it all . . .

Thanks Dan !

Thursday, March 21, 2013

Oh, Crap!



Jung Un
Kim

Jung Un had NO military experience 
whatsoever before Daddy made him a
  four-star general. This snot-nosed twerp had 
never accomplished anything in his life that would 
even come close to military leadership. 
He hadn't even so much as led a Cub Scout troop, 
coached a sports team, or commanded a military platoon. 
So he is made the "Beloved Leader" Of North Korea.
Terrific!-

-
-
-
-
-

Oh crap!
I'm sorry.
I just remembered that we did the same thing.
We took an arrogant community organizer, who had never worn a uniform, and made him Commander-in-Chief.  A guy, who had never had a real job, worked on a budget, or led anything more than an  ACORN demonstration, and we made him "Beloved Leader" of the United States
TWICE !!!
I'm sorry I brought this up.

Thanks Dan !

Wednesday, March 20, 2013

SHERIFF EXAM IN WEST TEXAS

SHERIFF  EXAM …..


A young Texan grew up wanting to be a lawman.
He grew up big, 6' 2", strong as a longhorn, and fast as mustang. He could shoot a bottle cap tossed in the air at 40 paces.

When he finally came of age, he applied to where he had only 

dreamed of working: the West Texas Sheriff's Department.

After a series of tests and interviews, the Chief Deputy 

finally called him into his office for the young man's 
last interview.
             
The Chief Deputy said, "You're a big strong kid and you

can really shoot.

So far your qualifications all look good, but we have, what you might
call, an "Attitude Suitability Test", that you must take before you can be
accepted. We just don't let anyone carry our badge, son."

Then, sliding a service pistol and a box of ammo across the desk, the Chief said,

"Take this pistol and go out and shoot: six illegal aliens, 
six lawyers, six meth dealers, six Muslim extremists, 
six Democrats, and a rabbit."

"Why the rabbit?" queried the applicant.

"You pass," said the Chief Deputy. "When can you start?"

 I LOVE TEXAS!!!!!


Thank You Dan ... OK, I know Walker is a Texas Ranger

Monday, March 18, 2013

Slutty Monday



***************
 Sign in Dr's. Office
I'm sure that you have seen pharmaceutical advertising in
doctor's offices on everything from tissues to note pads.
This one should get First prize.... 

I emailed it to my Japanese doctor friend; he emailed back:
"If light stay on more than 4 hour, call erectrician.
 
(This make me raff out roud.) ... (ROR)

Thanks Dan !

Sunday, March 17, 2013

Perhaps the U.S. Should Pull Out of Chicago?



Body count: In the last 12 months 500 killed (murdered) 
in Chicago AND Chicago has one of the strictest gun laws 
in the entire US.

Representing Chicago:
President: Barrack Hussein Obama
Senator: Dick Durbin
House Representative: Jesse Jackson Jr.
Governor: Pat Quinn
House leader: Mike Madigan
Atty. Gen.: Lisa Madigan (daughter of Mike)
Mayor: Rahm Emanuel

The leadership in Illinois - all Democrats.
Thank you for the combat zone in Chicago .
Of course, they're all blaming each other.
Can't blame Republicans; there aren't any!
Chicago school system rated one of the worst in the country.
Can't blame Republicans; there aren't any!
State pension fund $78 Billion in debt, worst in country.
Can't blame Republicans; there aren't any!
Cook County (Chicago ) sales tax 10.25% highest in country.
Can't blame Republicans; there aren't any!
This is the political culture that Obama comes from in Illinois.
And he is going to 'fix' Washington politics for us???
George Ryan is no longer Governor, he is in prison.
Of course he was replaced by Rob Blajogevitch who is...that's right, also in prison.
And Representative Jesse Jackson Jr. resigned    11 / 21 / 2012.

That is because he is fighting being sent to... that's right, prison.


Thank You David !

Friday, March 15, 2013

You Do Not Need A Big Gun For Self-Protection!!!



Just a well placed shot!

Man escapes grizzly with a small caliber gun.
No assault rifle necessary.

Thanks David !

Thursday, March 14, 2013

Wednesday, March 13, 2013

PLEASE READ And Do NOT Ignore This Warning!!



I thought this warning was very IMPORTANT,

So I am passing it on.

Please pass it on to the people  you care about,

Relatives, friends as it is important that they 

be made aware of this danger.

Never
 
Never
 
Never
 
Never

Ever... ....


...fart in a wet suit!

Thanks Dan !

Monday, March 11, 2013

One Canadian's View On Terrorists

Maybe being a hockey commentator makes a difference.

DON CHERRY, Canadian Hockey Commentator for CBC Television, 
was asked on a local live radio talk show, 
what he thought about the allegations of torture of suspected terrorists. 
His reply prompted his ejection from the studio, 
but to thunderous applause from the audience..

HIS STATEMENT:

"If hooking up one rag head terrorist prisoner's testicles 
to a car battery to get the truth out of the lying little camel shagger 
will save just one Canadian or American life, 
then I have only three things to say: 'Red is positive, 
black is negative, and make sure his nuts are wet."

Thanks Dan !

Sunday, March 10, 2013

Educational American History



Thought you would enjoy this educational moment in 
American history. Can you name this strange old tool?  
Do you know what it is?
Tobacco Smoke Enemas (1750s – 1810s)

The tobacco enema was used to infuse tobacco smoke 
into a patient’s rectum for various medical purposes, 
primarily the resuscitation of drowning victims.

A rectal tube inserted into the anus was connected to a 
fumigator and bellows that forced the 
smoke towards the rectum.

The warmth of the smoke was thought to promote respiration.

Doubts about the credibility of tobacco enemas led to 
the popular phrase “blowing smoke up your ass.”

Amazingly, it is still in constant use in Washington, D.C., 
by the best senators and representatives that money can buy.

Thanks David !