Thursday, January 31, 2013

Snow

Just got off the phone with a friend who lives in 
Northern Tip of Newfoundland. He said that since 
early this morning the snow has been nearly waist 
high and is still falling. The temperature is dropping 
way below zero and the north wind is increasing to 
near gale force. His wife has done nothing but look 
through the kitchen window and just stare. He says 
that if it gets much worse, he may have to let her in.

Wednesday, January 30, 2013

Political Humor for the Day

And you were led to believe that a Muslim wouldn't kiss a pig.

( Pelosi is thinking) “I’ve had so many face lifts, you’re actually kissing my ass."

**********************************
The Best Dear Abby Yet :

Dear Abby,
My husband has a long record of money problems. He runs up huge credit card bills and at the end of the month, if I try to pay them off, he shouts at me, saying I am stealing his money. He says pay the minimum and let our kids worry about the rest, but already we can hardly keep up with the                interest. He’s demanding to get his own way on everything.
He has been so arrogant and abusive toward our neighbors that most of them no longer speak to us. The few that do are an odd bunch to whom he has been giving a lot of expensive gifts, running up our bills even more.
Also, he has gotten religious. one week he hangs out with Catholics and the next with people who say the Pope is the Anti-Christ, and the next week he's with Muslims.
Finally, the last straw.... He's demanding that before anyone can be in the same room with him, they must sign a loyalty oath. It's just so horribly creepy!
Can you help?
Signed,
Lost
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Dear Lost,
Suck it up and stop whining, Michelle. You're getting to live in the White House for free, travel the world, have others pay your outlandish expenses, plus you get to wear those terrible clothes and still have the media rave about you....You can divorce the jerk any time you want, but the rest of us are stuck with the idiot for 4 more years!
Signed,
Abby

Thanks David !

Monday, January 28, 2013

Men Think Up Weird Stuff


This actually happened.
They dressed the truck up with the guy tied down on the roof.
The driver and passengers put on Moose heads.
Then they went down the toll road Interstate, causing 16 accidents.
Yes; they went to jail...
Yes; alcohol was involved...

It's an oldie but a goody ... Thanks Dan

Sunday, January 27, 2013

Fred & Edna........

Just because someone doesn't love you the way you 
want them to, doesn't mean they don't love you with
all they have.....

Fred and Edna were both patients in a mental hospital. 
One day while they were walking past the hospital 
swimming pool, Fred suddenly jumped into the deep end.

He sank to the bottom of the pool and stayed there
 

Edna promptly jumped in to save him. 
She swam to the bottom and pulled him out.


When the Head Nurse/Director became aware of Edna's 
heroic act she immediately ordered her to be discharged 
from the hospital, as she now considered her to be 
mentally stable.

When she went to tell Edna the news she said, 'Edna, I have 
good news and bad news. The good news is you're being 
discharged, since you were able to rationally respond to a 
crisis by jumping in and saving the life of the person you 
love... I have concluded that your act displays sound mindedness.

The bad news is, Fred hanged  himself in the bathroom 
with his bathrobe belt right after you saved him. 
I am so sorry, but he's dead.'

Edna replied, 'He didn't hang himself, I put him there to dry...

How soon can I go home?'

Thanks Nominedeus

Friday, January 25, 2013

Female Body Piercing


Female body piercing reaches 
new level of sophistication!
 
The ULTIMATE in Women's
Body Piercing... Biggest turn 
on for guys!
 
Men all over the country are 
urging their wives
And sweethearts to get this 
'chic' procedure.
 
The ongoing cost for this piece of 
designer piercing in Canada now 
exceeds $10,000.
 
Many men feel it is worth it and are 
prepared to pay a much higher price for it!!!




Thank You Nominedeus

(Where's Jodi ?)

Thursday, January 24, 2013

Thursday Fun Three-fer



WISH TO LIVE FOREVER
 I met a fairy who said she would grant me  one wish.   
Immediately I said, "I want to live  forever."
  
"Sorry," said the fairy,   "I'm not allowed 
to grant eternal life."
 
  "OK," I said, "Then, I want to die after the 
government gets it's act together".

  "You crafty little bastard you"  said the fairy

My wife, being the romantic sort, just sent me a text...
If you are sleeping, send me your dreams
If you are laughing, send me your smile
If you are eating, send me a bite
If you are drinking, send me a sip
If you are crying, send me your tears
I love you!

I texted back…………………………..




I'm sitting on the toilet,
What should I do?

Thanks David !

Wednesday, January 23, 2013

Nature's Way of Taking Care of the Young...


On the riverbank ...
In India ...

In Africa ...
  In the Arctic ...
 Within the Ocean ...
 


 SOMEWHERE NEAR
 
WAL-MART ...




  
Puts a lump in your
 
Throat, doesn't it?

Thanks Dan !

Monday, January 21, 2013

Email From A Friend



TOTUS, OBAMA CARTOONS, Guns and Bikinis . . . .

To name a few written by our friend Ron Russell
I just got this email today from Ron.

Hi Odie,

My pee stream has turned into the Red Sea and I'm no Moses.  Daughter on way to take me to hospital as I write this. Very weak at this moment and unable to drive.  So I'm signing off for the time and hope to get back as soon as possible.

Your blogging buddy, 

Ron

PS  I have no objection to you letting others know !


We at Woodsterman wish him well and will be praying for him. 

Hillbilly College Exam



I'd really like to substitute California for Mississippi on this.



Now, scroll down for the answers:


*
*
*
*
*
*
 


I didn't pass either..!!!

Sunday, January 20, 2013

Saturday, January 19, 2013

Guys or Gals ~OR~ Rule 5 Woodsterman Style



PICK OUT THE GUY - NO CHEATING
Every year in Bangkok , the men have a beauty 
contest to see if they're more gorgeous than the women.

Here is an example.  The answers are at the bottom, 
but don't cheat by going there first.

This is almost spooky...can you be fooled?
In each of the following photos, try to guess which 
member of the couple is a girl and which is a guy.
There are 6 pairs. Look closely, 
then pick left or right to identify the guy.
(Answers are at the end.  Don't cheat!)






 SCROLL DOWN....................

 I DIDN'T DO TOO WELL !!!!   







A N S W E R







All of them are GUYS!

Be careful out there at the next happy hour!


Other Rule 5 ers:

Thursday, January 17, 2013

We Have a Winner ~ I'd Like To Thank The Academy

 Actually I'd like to thank Mare at 
"Zille of the Resistance". She heard
all of you laugh and peeked in to
see what all the noise was about.
Below is my acceptance speech:




I would have been here much sooner, but I had to prepare my acceptance speech. Mare informed me on Facebook of this great honor, so my first reaction was to go into my Mancave and giggle like Micheal Jackson.

I have a few thank yous ... SO ... Thank you to the Academy, my Mother and Father, My wife who has been by my side for 38 years, My Son and Daughter in Law who gave birth to my new Grandson Dresden, and all the little people out there.

Most of all I would like to thank Mare for creating a new category for me, blogs with the word "Wood" in the title. Actually, Mare noticed a guy trying to give those who visit something to smile about. In this world of the pantload Obama it's a smile we all crave and need. I am honored that Mare Zilla noticed and most of all I hope laughed.

Thank You Mare!

Please visit Mare at "Zilla of the Resistance" (LINK)

Headlines Are Us IV ~ Your Modern MSM






Wednesday, January 16, 2013

Tuesday, January 15, 2013

If You Need A Reason To Smile Today II

 I hate it when she beats me there.
Quiet Please
 Mine !!!!
I was just sitting here and ...
You're smiling aren't you.

Thanks Dan!

Monday, January 14, 2013