Monday, April 15, 2013

Off Color Monday ... I'm Being Bad



1) Which sexual position produces the ugliest children?

Ask your mother.
__________________________________________________________
2) How do you embarrass an archaeologist?

Give him a tampon and ask him which period it came from.
__________________________________________________________
3) What's the difference between a bitch and a whore?

A whore sleeps with everybody at the party; A bitch sleeps with everybody at the party except you.
__________________________________________________________
4) What's the difference between love, true love, and showing off?

Spitting, swallowing, and gargling.
__________________________________________________________
5) What's the difference between a Catholic wife and a Jewish wife?

A Catholic wife has real orgasms and fake jewelry.
__________________________________________________________
6) What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying?

The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving.
___________________________________________________________
7) What is the biggest problem for an atheist?

No one to talk to during orgasm.
___________________________________________________________
8) What do you call an Amish guy with his hand up a horse's ass?

A mechanic.
___________________________________________________________
9) Who is the most popular guy at the nudist colony?

The guy who can carry a cup of coffee in each hand and a dozen donuts.
___________________________________________________________
10) Who is the most popular girl at the nudist colony?

The one who can eat the last donut.
___________________________________________________________
11) Jewish dilemma:
 

Free PORK.
___________________________________________________________
12) The three words men hate to hear most during sex:
 

'Are you in?'
___________________________________________________________
13) The three words women hate to hear most during sex:
 

'Honey, I'm home!'

I'm an equal opportunity insulter ... Thanks David !

24 comments:

LL said...

Fodder for happy hour at the local pub.

USA_Admiral said...

I think everyone was mentioned in this post.

Sandee said...

Bwahahahahahahaha. You're not bad you're just you. We like that you know.

Have a terrific day. :)

Woodsterman (Odie) said...

LL, great idea.

Woodsterman (Odie) said...

Admiral, I'm sorry, I thought I omitted you.

Woodsterman (Odie) said...

Sandee, why thank my Lady.

doubletroubletwo said...

Odie your awesome, those are hilarious! Thanks gor the smiles always :)

Scott Way said...

AHH, reminds me of the good ole; Bad ole? days...I think...

trailbee said...

When did you meet my mother? I didn't know you were that old! :)

Ron Russell said...

Those are in poor taste, very poor taste. But I would expect nothing less than from a wannabe redneck. That said, I did enjoy those, but had to think a moment on no. 9. I can't carry a dozen, not even one donut, the hole is just too small.

Woodsterman (Odie) said...

2T2, thank yee kindly. Glad you enjoyed.

Woodsterman (Odie) said...

Scott, here?

Woodsterman (Odie) said...

Trailbee, I'm as old as dirt.

Woodsterman (Odie) said...

Ron, so you need custom doughnuts huh. It would be worth it for that doughnut eater.

Sorry about not getting around today. I'm under the weather and in my sweats in my chair covered with my blanky. I'm using my iPhone while the little woman is playing Spiders on the computer.

Sheik Yer'Bouti said...

Nice place ya got here - love these and plan on coming back often. Hope you get to feeling better.

edutcher said...

If you've ever read the Song of Solomon, you know 5 is not only nasty, but presumably untrue.

Although the Catholic wife may still have more of them.

:0

Rick Street said...

Thanks for the laugh

Woodsterman (Odie) said...

Shiek, with a name like that you're bound to like this place. Saturday's post had a post you'd love.

Woodsterman (Odie) said...

Edutcher, jewelry is good.

Woodsterman (Odie) said...

Rick, that's what try to do here.

cube said...

Bad, but funny.

Woodsterman (Odie) said...

Cube, I'm a baaad boy.

Sheik Yer'Bouti said...

I stole the name, blatantly, from a Frank Zappa album title. Now if I can just get my avatar to work...

Woodsterman (Odie) said...

Booti, you'll figure it out. I can just imagine what it will be.