Wednesday, November 28, 2012

Senior Driver

My neighbor was working in his yard when he was 
startled by a late model car that came crashing through 
his hedge and ended up in his front lawn.
He rushed to help an elderly lady driver out of the 
car and sat her down on a lawn chair.

"My goodness," he said with excitement, "you appear
 quite elderly to be driving."
"Well, yes, I am," she replied proudly.  
"I'll be 97 next month, 
and I am now old enough that I don't even need 
a driver's license anymore.
"The last time I went to my doctor, he examined me 
and asked if I had a driver's license.  I told him yes and
handed it to him.  He took scissors out of the drawer,
cut the license into pieces, and threw them in the wastebasket, 
saying, 'You won't need this anymore,' so I thanked him and left!"

Thank You Katy !

Monday, November 26, 2012

If Only It Could Be This Easy . . .

Since we are not going to get gasoline back to $1.50 per gallon and coffee to $2.00 per pound maybe this would be a solution we could live with.

DIVORCE AGREEMENT-- This is so incredibly well-put, and I can hardly believe it's by a young person, a student!! Whatever he runs for, I'll vote for him!
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
Dear American liberals, leftists, social progressives, socialists, regressive, Marxists, and Obama supporters, et. al.:

We have stuck together since the late 1950’s for the sake of the kids, but the whole of this latest election process has made me realize that I want a divorce. I know we tolerated each other for many years for the sake of future generations, but sadly, this relationship has clearly run its course.

Our two ideological sides of America cannot and will not ever agree on what is right for us all, so let's just end it on friendly terms. We can smile and chalk it up to irreconcilable differences and go our own way.

Here is a model separation agreement:

1. Our two groups can equitably divide up the country by land mass, each taking a similar portion. That will be the difficult part, but I am sure our two sides can come to a friendly agreement. After that, it should be relatively easy. Our respective representatives can effortlessly divide other assets since both sides had such distinct and disparate tastes.

2. We don't like redistributive taxes, so you can keep them.

3. You are welcome to the liberal judges and the ACLU.

4. Since you hate guns and war, we'll take our firearms, the cops, the NRA, and the military.

5. We'll take the nasty, smelly oil industry and you can go with wind, solar, and bio-diesel.

6. You can keep Oprah, Michael Moore, and Rosie O'Donnell. You are, however, responsible for finding a bio-diesel vehicle big enough to move all three of them.

7. We'll keep capitalism, greedy corporations, pharmaceutical companies,  Wal-Mart, and Wall Street.

8. You can have your beloved lifelong welfare dwellers, food stamps, homeless homeboys, hippies, druggies, and illegal aliens.

9. We'll keep the hot Alaskan hockey moms, greedy CEO's and rednecks.

10. We'll keep the Bibles and give you NBC and Hollywood .

11. You can make nice with Iran and Palestine and we'll retain the right to invade and hammer places that threaten us.

12. You can have the peace-niks and war protesters. When our allies or our way of life are under assault, we'll help provide them security.

13. We'll keep our Judeo-Christian values.

14. You are welcome to Islam, Scientology, Humanism, political correctness, and Shirley McLain. You can also have the U.N., but we will no longer be paying the bill.

15. We'll keep the SUV's, pickup trucks, and oversized luxury cars. You can take every Prius hatchback you can find.

16. You can give everyone healthcare if you can find any practicing doctors..

17. We'll continue to believe healthcare is an earned luxury and not an entitlement.

18. We'll keep "The Battle Hymn of the Republic" and "The National Anthem."

19. I'm sure you'll be happy to substitute "Imagine", "I'd Like to Teach the World to Sing", "Kum Ba Ya," or "We Are the World".

20. We'll practice trickledown economics and you can continue to give trickle up poverty your best shot.

21. Since it often so offends you, we'll keep our history, our name and our constitution and our flag.

22. Would you agree to this? If so, please pass it along to other like-minded liberal and conservative patriots and if you do not agree, just hit delete. In the spirit of friendly parting, I'll bet you answer which one of us will need whose help in 15 years.

John J. Wall
Law Student and an American

P.S.: Also, please take Ted Turner, Sean Penn, Martin Sheen, Barbara Streisand, Jane Fonda, George Clooney, Jesse Jackson, Rosanne Barr and Whoopi Goldberg with you. You can start your own Congress with Nancy Pelosi, Harry Reid, Barbara Boxer, Diane Feinstein, Al Franken, Maxine Waters, and Barney Frank.

You can have Obama to head your Socialist government and anoint him with the title "Dearest Leader".

P.S.S..: And you won't have to "Press 1 for English" when you call our country.
**If you can't stand behind our Military, Please feel free to stand in front of them! **

Sunday, November 25, 2012

Involuntary Muscle

Professor Higgins at the University of 
Sydney was giving a lecture on ‘Involuntary 
Muscle Contraction’ to his first year 
medical students.

Realising this was not the most riveting 
subject, the professor decided to lighten 
the mood slightly.

He pointed to a young woman in the front 
row and said, 'Do you know what your arsehole 
is doing while you're having an orgasm?'

She replied, 'Probably out 
golfing with his mates!'

It took 45 minutes to restore 
order in the classroom

Saturday, November 24, 2012

A Blond ~OR~ Rule 5 Woodsterman Style

 Once there were 3 people in an airplane, one took a bite out of
an apple. She thought it was too sweet so she threw it out of
the plane. The second person took a bite out of a lemon and she
thought it was too sour so, she threw it out of the plane.
 Then the last person took a bite out of a grenade and he 
thought it was too crunchy so, he threw it out of the plane. 
Then they landed and decided to go for a walk. They first 
passed a little girl who was crying and they asked, 
"little girl, little girl, why are you crying?" and the little 
girl said, "an apple came
down and killed my new kitty".
 Next they passed a little boy
who was also crying. And they again asked, 
"little boy, little boy, why are you crying?" 
and the little boy said, "a lemon came
down and killed my new puppy."
 Then they passed a blonde sitting on
the side walk laughing her butt off. They asked, 
"why are you laughing so hard?" and the blonde 
said, "I farted and the
building behind me blew up!!"

Other Rule 5 ers:

Friday, November 23, 2012

Parenting Skills

Mommy don't fart! Happy Black Friday!

Thursday, November 22, 2012

Happy Thanksgiving ~OR~ Rule 5 Woodsterman Style

 Tan Lines from the oven.
 Topless Hen.
 Walking a la natural
 Mooselimb Turkey
 A party turkey after having too much to drink.
Here's looking at you kid.

HAPPY THANKSGIVING from the staff at Woodsterman!

Wednesday, November 21, 2012

Birthday Gift To Me

I celebrated my birthday this year by buying 
an all terrain 4 wheeler.This is a picture of 
me playing with it in the back yard.

Life is Fleeting by.... 
Enjoy it while you can!

Thanks David !

Tuesday, November 20, 2012

Wisdom From the Bar

Luke ''The Drifter'' says:
"We Americans got so tired of being thought of as 
dumbasses by the rest of the world that we went 
to the polls this November and removed all doubt."

Monday, November 19, 2012

New Word For Our Time

Couldn't find it in my old Webster's dictionary so I 
Googled it and discovered it is a recently "coined" 
new word found on T-shirts on eBay:
Read this one over slowly and absorb the facts that 
are within this definition! I love this word and believe 
that it will become a recognized English word.
Finally, a word to describe our current political situation...

Thanks David !

Sunday, November 18, 2012

The Bear, the Bridge and God!

This bridge is on the Old Donner Pass Highway .
It has a spectacular view of Donner Lake and
Donner Pass on Route 40.
(Down the road from me.) 
A bear was walking across Rainbow Bridge ( Old Hwy 40 at
Donner Summit , Truckee ) on Saturday when two cars, also
crossing the bridge, scared the bear into jumping over the
edge of the bridge. Somehow the bear caught the ledge
and was able to pull itself to safety. Authorities decided
that nothing could be done to help Saturday night so they
returned Sunday morning to find the bear sound asleep on
the ledge.

After securing a net under the bridge the bear was tranquilized,
fell into the net, lowered, then woke up and walked out of the net.

There is a moral to this story; this old bear made
a wrong move and found he was hanging by his nails. Somehow
he was able to pull himself up onto the ledge where he saw he
was in a very bad, impossible situation and what did he do?
Yep, he took a nap and sure enough, God took care of the
situation while he was asleep.

The moral of the story is that when confronted with a bad
situation, sometimes the best solution is to take a nap and
let God take care of the rest.

I think I'm going to take a nap right now.
God is on the job.
Hugs, Prayers and Sweet Dreams to our Bunni !

Thanks David !

Wednesday, November 14, 2012

Our Good Friend Bunni Needs Our Help

Above is Bunni's love Kittehkins.
I have some very bad news today for Bunni's many
blogging friends. She was diagnosed with terminal
liver cancer in the 5th stage. There is nothing medicine
can do for our beloved Bunni.  The doctors told her
she has from 3 to 6 months to live.

If you look at the top of my sidebar you'll see a PayPal
Donate button. She could use our help to ease some of
her financial woes in these last days because she isn't
able to work. 

I am not a writer so I bow to our friends out there who
have written a piece about Bunni's situation. Two are
below and I'll add to this list as I'm made aware of them.
Meanwhile, please stop by Bunni's place and say hi, and
show her our love.  ~Amusing Bunni's Musings~ 

Zilla of the Resistance and friends

Adrienne's Corner

*American Perspective*


The Camp of the Saints

Mind-Numbed Robot

Randy's Roundtable


We Love You Bunni !

Monday, November 12, 2012

Sunday, November 11, 2012

Golfer Chit Chat . . .

A woman was playing golf when she took a big
swing and fell. The party waiting behind her was 
a group from the White House that included 
President Obama.
Obama quickly stepped forward and helped her to 
her feet. She thanked him and started to leave, when 
he said, "I'm President Obama and I hope you'll vote 
for me this November."
She laughed and quickly replied, 
"I fell on my ass, not my head!"

Saturday, November 10, 2012

The Therapist ~ OR ~ Rule 5 Woodsterman Style

Rehab Exercise For senior Men

My doctor started me on a rehab exercise program.

I am walking with a walking therapist every day.

I never knew walking with someone else was such

an incentive.

We don't talk much during the walk, though.

My therapist walks about 10 feet ahead of me and

sets the pace, as directed by my doctor.









So far, I have followed her for 27 miles without

even using my cane!

I am feeling better each mile and my heart condition,

my blood pressure and my breathing seem to be improving.

I have fun where ever we go!

Other Rule 5 ers:
In a Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad World
Adrienne's Corner
Eye of Polyphemus
Diogenes' Middle Finger

Thursday, November 8, 2012

Let's Get Back To Normal Around Here.

A senior citizens group charters a bus for an 
overnight gambling casino trip. 

An elderly woman comes up to the bus driver and says, 
'I've just been molested!'

The driver felt  that she had fallen asleep and had a dream.. 
So he tells her to go back to her seat and sit  down.

A short time later, another old woman comes forward and 
claims that she was just molested.  The driver thought he 
had a bus load of old wackos, but who would be molesting 
these old ladies?

About 10 minutes later, a third old lady comes up and says
that she'd been molested too.

The bus driver decides that he'd had enough and pulls 
into the first rest area.

When he turns the lights on and stands up, he sees an old 
man on his  hands and knees crawling in the  aisles.

'Hey gramps, what are you doing down there?' 
says the bus  driver.

'I lost my toupee.  I thought I found it three times, but  
every time I tried to grab it, it gets up and runs  away!'
Thanks David !

Wednesday, November 7, 2012

You Can Knock Me Over With A Feather . . .

Well ladies and germs, where does one begin? I witnessed
this country's citizens speaking their minds yesterday. They
didn't care for the way this country was designed by it's 
founders but rather wanted something resembling a third 
world European type socialist state.

The lack of teaching history in our schools has paid off. A
news media that felt it was more important to sway public
opinion then to inform them paid off. A government that 
promised free stuff paid off. 

I listened to the news media (or what's left of them) last night
explain to me (part of the ignorant masses) that there were just
not enough rich in this country to give Romney a win. That to
to me explained exactly how bad it really is. 

The worse part of this whole thing is I walk every morning with
a real liberal nut. He is a walking example of someone that has
been indoctrinated by the MSM. He and his wife call themselves 
fiscal conservatives and social liberals. They get their information
from the Sunday morning talk shows. Thank goodness he's doing
something this morning and I won't see him today.

But still worse yet is I don't think my Son or my
Grandson will ever know what I or all the other millions fought
for these 236 years. I'll just be putzing around today thinking of
where my financial planning goes from here. Wink wink, nod nod
the fight ain't over just yet.

God Bless The United States of America ... 
or do the libs want to change the name too?
Say good night Gracie . . .  

Question: In 50 years, will there be anyone left, who knows
how it worked, to put it back the way it was? 

Tuesday, November 6, 2012

I Am America ~ 11/6/12 Judgement Day !

All you Republicans, Conservatives, and TEA Party people.
All other may stay home if they wish.

Monday, November 5, 2012

Remember Who We Are !

A little inspirational music to lead up to tomorrow.
You must vote to keep this great country free. Those
in the White House today have a different plan for
you than our founders did.