Monday, July 30, 2012

Received This Email . . .

Winds of Change....

Warren Buffet is asking each addressee to forward this email to a 
minimum of twenty people on their  address list; in turn ask each 
of those do likewise.
In three days, most people in The United States of America 
will have the message. This is one idea that really should be 
passed  around.
  Congressional Reform Act of 2012
1. No Tenure / No Pension. A Congressman/woman collects a 
salary while in office and  receives no pay when they're out of office.
2. Congress (past, present & future) participates in Social Security.   
All funds in the Congressional retirement fund move to the Social 
Security system immediately. All future funds flow into The Social 
Security system, and Congress, participates with the American people. 
It may not be used for any other purpose.
3. Congress can purchase their own retirement plan, 
just as all Americans do.
4. Congress will no longer vote themselves a pay raise.
Congressional pay will rise by the lower of CPI or 3%.
5. Congress loses their current health care system and
participates in the same health care system as the American people.
6. Congress must equally abide by all laws they impose
on the American people.
7. All contracts with past and present Congressmen/women are void 
effective 12/31/12. The American people did not make this contract 
with Congressmen /women. Congressmen/women made all these  
contracts for themselves. Serving in Congress is an honor, not a career. 
The Founding Fathers envisioned citizen legislators, so ours should 
serve their Term(s), then go home and back to work.
If each person contacts a minimum of twenty people then it will only take 
three days for most people (in the U.S ) to receive the message. 
Don't you think it's time?
If you agree with the above, pass it on. If not, just delete. 
You are one of my 20+.
Please keep it going.

Sunday, July 29, 2012

Interesting Statistics

There are actually two messages here. The first is very interesting, but the
second is absolutely astounding -- and explains a lot.

A recent "Investor's Business Daily" article provided very interesting
statistics from a survey by the United Nations International Health

Percentage of men and women who survived a cancer five years after
U.S.      65%

England 46%

Canada 42%

Percentage of patients diagnosed with diabetes who received treatment within
six months:

U.S.      93%

England 15%

Canada 43%

Percentage of seniors needing hip replacement who received it within six

U.S.      90%

England 15%

Canada 43%

Percentage referred to a medical specialist who see one within one month:

U.S.      77%

England 40%

Canada 43%

Number of MRI scanners (a prime diagnostic tool) per million people:

U.S.      71

England 14

Canada 18

Percentage of seniors (65+), with low income, who say 
they are in "excellent health":

U.S.      12%

England  2%

Canada    6%

And now for the last statistic:

National Health Insurance?

U.S.      NO

England YES

Canada YES

Check this last set of statistics!!

The percentage of each past president's cabinet who 
had worked in the private business sector prior to their 
appointment to the cabinet. You know what the private 
business sector is -- real-life business, not a government
job.  Here are the percentages.

T. Roosevelt.................... 38%

Taft................................ 40%

Wilson ........................... 52%

Harding.......................... 49%

Coolidge........................ 48%

Hoover........................... 42%

F. Roosevelt................... 50%

Truman.......................... 50%

Eisenhower.................... 57%

Kennedy........................ 30%

Johnson........................ 47%

Nixon............................. 53%

Ford.............................. 42%

Carter............................ 32%

Reagan.......................... 56%

GH Bush........................ 51%

Clinton .......................... 39%

GW Bush....................... 55%

Obama............................ 8%

This helps explain the incompetence of this administration: 
only 8% of them have ever worked in private business!
That's right!  Only eight percent---the least, by far, of the last 19
presidents!  And these people are trying to tell our big corporations how to
run their business?
How can the president of a major nation and society, the one with the most
successful economic system in world history, stand and talk about business
when he's never worked for one?  Or about jobs when he has never really had
one?  And when it's the same for 92% of his senior staff and closest
advisers?  They've spent most of their time in academia, government and/or
non-profit jobs or as "community organizers."

Pass this on because we'll NEVER see these facts in the main stream media.

Thanks David !

Saturday, July 28, 2012

Woman In Red ~ OR ~ Rule 5 Woodsterman Style

And my personal favorite ... Thanks kim at "just a conservative girl" (LINK)
 WOW !

Other Rule 5 ers:
Is giving birth more painful than getting kicked in the Nuts?

Finally this age-old question is answered.....

Women always say that giving birth is way more painful than a guy getting kicked in the nuts.
Here is proof that they are wrong.
A year or so after giving birth, a woman will often say... "It might be nice to have another child."
You never hear a guy say... "It might be nice to get kicked in the nuts again!"

Case closed.

I'll be doing a show this weekend, so I might be scarce.

Friday, July 27, 2012

Back At You Opie and Adrienne

Opie ... back at you. You found a Monarch Butterfly on your 
walk and I found this Tiger (Black) Swallowtail in my garden yesterday.  UPDATE: It's official it's a Western Tiger Swallowtail.
Opus 6 (LINK)
Adrienne, gave me this neat loader to play with
when she's away from her blog. Go over there
and maybe she'll give you neat stuff like this.
Adrienne (LINK)

A little add-on: I didn't get around much yesterday. I was
downloading a new operating system for my Mac. I've
upgraded from Lion to Mountain Lion. This was a very
big deal because I started it yesterday at 1:30PM and it
didn't finish downloading until 9:00PM. DSL ain't as fast
as it used to seem. It took another 45 minutes to install itself.

I'm back now though ...

Thursday, July 26, 2012

Wednesday, July 25, 2012

Watch Your Mailbox!!!

Just wanted to let you know, today I received my 
2012 Social Security Stimulus Package.

It contained two tomato seeds, 
cornbread mix, 
a prayer rug, 
a machine to blow smoke up my ass, 
2 discount coupons to KFC, 
an "Obama Hope & Change" bumper sticker, 
and a "Blame it on Bush"poster for the front yard. 
The directions were in Spanish.

Watch for yours, coming soon.

Thanks Allison !


Tuesday, July 24, 2012

The Reasons for My Sensitivity Training

This is politically incorrect!!

* I was devastated to find out my wife was having an 
affair but, by turning to religion, I was soon able to 
come to terms with the whole thing. I converted to Islam, 
and we're stoning her in the morning!

* The wife suggested I get myself one of those penis 
enlargers, so I did. She's 21, and her name's Kathy.

* Went to the pub with my girlfriend last night. Locals 
were shouting "pedophile!" and other names at me, 
just because my girlfriend is 24 and I'm 50. It completely 
spoiled our 10th anniversary.

* My son was thrown out of school today for letting a 
girl in his class give him a hand-job. I said "Son, that's 
3 schools this year! You'd better stop before you're 
banned from teaching altogether."

* The cost of living has now gotten so bad that my wife 
is having sex with me because she can't afford batteries.

* A man calls 911 and says "I think my wife is dead". 
The operator says, "How do you know?" The man says 
"The sex is about the same, but the ironing is piling up!"

* I was explaining to my wife last night that when you 
die you get reincarnated but must come back as a different 
creature. She said she would like to come back as a cow. 
I said, "You obviously haven't been listening."

* My wife has been missing a week now. The police said 
to prepare for the worst. So, I had to go down to Goodwill 
to get all of her clothes back.

*  The Red Cross just knocked on my door and asked if 
we could contribute towards the floods in Pakistan . I said 
we'd love to, but our garden hose only reaches the driveway.

Thanks David !

Jodi is late again ... I might have to fire that girl.

Monday, July 23, 2012

Craigslist Ad

For Sale:

Fifty-year old manure spreader. Not sure of brand. 
Said to have been produced in Kenya. 
Used for a few years in Indonesia before being smuggled 
into the US via Hawaii. Of questionable pedigree. 
Does not appear to have ever been worked hard. 
Apparently it was pampered by various owners over the years.

It doesn't work very often, but when it does it can really 
sling the shit for amazing distances. I am hoping to retire
the manure spreader in November. I really don't want it 
hanging around getting in the way. I would prefer a foreign
buyer to relocate the manure spreader out of the country. 
I would be willing to trade it for a nicely framed copy of
the United States Constitution.

Location: Currently being stored in a 
big white house in Washington , D.C

Thanks Dan !

Sunday, July 22, 2012

Thank You Oh Great One

 Double - Double Dovetail Jewelry Box
 Small Ring Box (Very Small)
Tiled Salad Bowl

These are some examples of work I couldn't have completed
without Obama's and big government's help. After all, he did
teach me my woodworking skills .... oh wait I'm mostly self

But, he did build the internet right? Oh wait ... as a telephone
cable splicer in a previous life, I put those copper wires and
and fiber optic cables together. You know, come to think of it,
I don't remember seeing him up those poles or in the manholes
at all.

Gee, I hope I haven't hurt the feelings of those commie bastards that think like that golden pantload in the White House.

Maybe he'll be out there today helping me sell this stuff in
his FAILED economy ... or ... not ...

Friday, July 20, 2012

NewsBusted 7/20/12 ~

This is a show weekend starting this morning.
I'll try and get around to see yous guys, but
if I don't make it I'll be busy, busy , busy.

Thursday, July 19, 2012

Hodgepodge Wednesday

 I've been busy ... stealable ...
 We grow our own fuel here ... 
but in rows you ask.
 Going to keep us warm this winter. 
Libs love the idea.
I stole this from someone, and I'm sorry
I can't remember who it was. It pretty
well says exactly how we feel about
the latest news from the UN.

Sunday, July 15, 2012

Corvette Tail Lights For Sale

FOR SALE: Corvette Tail Lights, Good Condition! 

Found his IPHONE in his hands and

his head in the back seat


Friday, July 13, 2012

This Should Be A Billboard !

And they want 12 years of Romney's tax returns???? 
This should be a billboard!

"One of the penalties of not participating in politics is 
that you will be governed by your inferiors."  ... Plato

 "The democracy will cease to exist when you take away 
from those who are willing to work and give to 
those who would not." ....                   
Thomas Jefferson

Where's Jodi ?

Thursday, July 12, 2012

Stuff You Didn't Know You Didn't Know . . .

Men can read smaller print  than women can; women can hear better.

Coca-Cola was originally green. 
It  is impossible to lick your  elbow.     

The State with the highest percentage of people who walk to work:

The  percentage of Africa that is wilderness: 28% (now get this...) 
The  percentage of North America that is wilderness: 38%  

The  cost of raising a medium-size  dog to the age of eleven: $16,400 

The  average number of people  airborne over the U.S. in any given
hour: 61,000  

Intelligent  people have more zinc and  copper in their hair..
The first novel ever written on  a typewriter, Tom Sawyer.

The San Francisco Cable  cars are the only mobile National  Monuments.

 Each  king in a deck of playing cards  represents a great king from
 Spades  - King David
 Hearts  - Charlemagne
 Clubs  -Alexander, the Great
 Diamonds  - Julius Caesar

111,111,111  x 111,111,111 = 12,345,678,987, 654,321

 If a statue in the park of a person on a horse has both front legs in
the air, the  person died in battle.
 If the horse has one front leg in the air, the  person died because of
wounds received in battle.
 If the horse has all four legs on the ground, the person died of
natural  causes

 Only two people signed the  Declaration of Independence on July
4, John Hancock and Charles Thomson. Most of the rest signed on August
2, but the  last signature wasn't added until 5 years later.

 Q. Half of all Americans live within 50 miles of what?
 A.  Their birthplace

 Q.  Most boat owners name their boats.   What is the most popular boat
name requested?   A. Obsession  

Q..  If you were to spell out numbers, how far  would you have to go
until you would find the letter 'A'?
 A.  One thousand

 Q. What do bulletproof vests, fire escapes, windshield wipers and
laser printers have in  common?
 A.  All were invented by women.  

Q.  What is the only food that  doesn't spoil?
 A. Honey  

Q.  Which day are there more collect calls than any other day of the
A. Father's Day

 In Shakespeare's time, mattresses  were secured on bed frames by
 When you pulled on the ropes, the mattress tightened, making the bed
firmer   to sleep on. Hence the phrase...'Goodnight  , sleep tight'

 It was the accepted practice in  Babylon 4,000 years ago that for a
month after the wedding, the bride's  father would supply his new
 son-in-law with all the mead he could drink. Mead is a honey beer and
because their calendar  was lunar based, this period was called the
honey month, which we know today  as the honeymoon.

In  English pubs, ale is ordered by  pints and quarts... So in
old England , when customers got unruly, the bartender 
would yell at them 'Mind your pints and  quarts,  and settle 
down.' . . .  It's where we get the
phrase 'mind your P's and Q's 

Many  years ago in England , pub frequenters had a whistle  baked into
the rim, or handle, of their ceramic cups. When they needed a refill ,
they used the  whistle to get some service. 'Wet your whistle' is the
phrase inspired by  this practice.

 At least 75% of people who read  this will try to lick their elbow!

Thanks David !

Wednesday, July 11, 2012

NewsBusted 7/11/12 ~

Balls !

Just an observation . . .
 1. The sport of choice for the urban poor is BASKETBALL..
2. The sport of choice for maintenance level employees is BOWLING.
 3. The sport of choice for front-line workers is FOOTBALL.
 4. The sport of choice for supervisors is BASEBALL.
 5. The sport of choice for middle management is TENNIS.
 6. The sport of choice for corporate executives and officers is GOLF.

The higher you go in the corporate structure, 
the smaller your balls become.

There must be a boat load of people in 
Washington playing marbles

Tuesday, July 10, 2012

Drunk Driver

Well, Jodi disappointed me again and became a no show.
I think you'll like her replacement.

Monday, July 9, 2012

Hodgepodge Monday (Stuff Aquired(?)) on the Net


 1. You accidentally enter your  PIN on the microwave.

 2. You haven't played solitaire  with real cards in years.

 3. You have a list of 15 phone numbers to reach your family of three.

 4. You e-mail the person who works at the  desk next to you.

 5. Your reason for not staying in touch with friends and family is that they don't have e-mail addresses.

 6. You pull up in your own driveway and use your cell phone to see if anyone is home to help you carry in the groceries...

 7. Every commercial on television has a Web  site at the bottom of the screen

 8. Leaving the house without your cell phone, which you didn't even have the first 20 or 30  (or 60) years of your life, is now a cause for panic and you turn around to go and get it !

 10. You get up in the morning and go on-line before getting your coffee

 11. You start tilting your head sideways to smile. :)

 12 You're reading this and nodding and  laughing.

 13. Even worse, you know exactly to whom you  are going to forward this message.

 14. You are too busy to notice  there was no #9 on this list.

 15. You actually scrolled back up to check that there wasn't a #9 on
this  list .

* Thanks to all I stole this neat stuff from... Oh, and David.

Sunday, July 8, 2012

Saturday, July 7, 2012

Very Blond ~ OR ~ Rule 5 Woodsterman Style

A blonde went to buy a Pizza and after ordering, 
the assistant asked the blonde if she would like her 
pizza cut into six pieces or twelve.

"Six please" she said, "I could never eat twelve!"

 There was this bar and in the bar there was a magic mirror.

If you told a lie it would suck you in.

One day a brunette walked into this bar. She walked up to the 
mirror and said 'I think I'm the most beautiful woman in the 
world' and it sucked her in.

The next day a redhead walked into the bar. She walked up to 
the mirror and said 'I think I'm the most beautiful woman in 
the world' and it sucked her in.

Then the next day a blond walked into the bar. She walked up 
to the mirror and said 'I think...' and it sucked her in.

Other Rule 5 ers:

Friday, July 6, 2012

I've Been Working On This . . .

What do you think?
Theft is the greatest form of flattery
here at Woodsterman.
The Quote is from the Battle of the Bulge,
Stolen from the War Planner (LINK),
after he posted a Bill Whittle
video using it.

Thursday, July 5, 2012

Everything's Up to Date at My Store

A new store opened in my neighborhood.
 It has an automatic water mister to keep the produce fresh.
Just before it goes on, you hear the sound of distant
thunder and the fresh smell of rain.

When you pass the milk cases, you hear cows mooing and
you experience the scent of fresh mown hay.

 In the meat department there is the aroma of
charcoal-grilled steaks with onions.

 When you approach the egg case, you hear hens cluck and cackle,
and the air is filled with the aroma of bacon and eggs frying.

The bread department features the tantalizing smell of 
fresh-baked bread and cookies.

I don't buy toilet paper there anymore...

Thanks Dan !