Tuesday, July 24, 2012

The Reasons for My Sensitivity Training



This is politically incorrect!!

* I was devastated to find out my wife was having an 
affair but, by turning to religion, I was soon able to 
come to terms with the whole thing. I converted to Islam, 
and we're stoning her in the morning!

* The wife suggested I get myself one of those penis 
enlargers, so I did. She's 21, and her name's Kathy.

* Went to the pub with my girlfriend last night. Locals 
were shouting "pedophile!" and other names at me, 
just because my girlfriend is 24 and I'm 50. It completely 
spoiled our 10th anniversary.

* My son was thrown out of school today for letting a 
girl in his class give him a hand-job. I said "Son, that's 
3 schools this year! You'd better stop before you're 
banned from teaching altogether."

* The cost of living has now gotten so bad that my wife 
is having sex with me because she can't afford batteries.

* A man calls 911 and says "I think my wife is dead". 
The operator says, "How do you know?" The man says 
"The sex is about the same, but the ironing is piling up!"

* I was explaining to my wife last night that when you 
die you get reincarnated but must come back as a different 
creature. She said she would like to come back as a cow. 
I said, "You obviously haven't been listening."

* My wife has been missing a week now. The police said 
to prepare for the worst. So, I had to go down to Goodwill 
to get all of her clothes back.

*  The Red Cross just knocked on my door and asked if 
we could contribute towards the floods in Pakistan . I said 
we'd love to, but our garden hose only reaches the driveway.

Thanks David !

Jodi is late again ... I might have to fire that girl.

8 comments:

Sandee said...

Bwahahahahahaha. I love politically incorrect.

You aren't going to fire Jody for a couple of reasons:

1. He's hot!

2. She's spot on.

Have a terrific day. :)

Randy-g said...

The ironing is piling up!! LOL.

innominatus said...

Those are excellent. #2 made me laugh the best.

Woodsterman (Odie) said...

Sandee, OK I won't fire her.

Woodsterman (Odie) said...

Randy, That's not all. My dinner was still cold.

Woodsterman (Odie) said...

Inno, mine too, and Kathy is a real sweetheart.

edutcher said...

Your wife either loves you, or she has a great sense of humor.

If you're lucky, she's both.

Woodsterman (Odie) said...

Edutcher, married to me, she has to have a great sense of humor.