Monday, January 2, 2012

Being Politically Correct



Due to the climate of political correctness now pervading America, 
Kentuckians, Tennesseans and West Virginians will no longer be referred to as: 'HILLBILLIES.'
 
You must now refer to them as
APPALACHIAN-AMERICANS.

And furthermore,

HOW TO SPEAK ABOUT WOMEN AND BE POLITICALLY CORRECT:

1. She is not a 'BABE' or a 'CHICK' - She is a
BREASTED AMERICAN. '


2. She is not 'EASY' - She is 
'HORIZONTALLY ACCESSIBLE.'


3. She is not a 'DUMB BLONDE' - She is a
 'LIGHT-HAIRED DETOUR OFF THE INFORMATION SUPERHIGHWAY.'


4. She has not 'BEEN AROUND' - She is a 
'PREVIOUSLY-ENJOYED COMPANION.'


5. She does not 'NAG' you - She becomes 
' VERBALLY REPETITIVE.'


6. She is not a 'TWO-BIT HOOKER' - She is a 
' LOW COST PROVIDER.'


HOW TO SPEAK ABOUT MEN AND BE POLITICALLY CORRECT:

1. He does not have a 'BEER GUT' - He has developed a
'LIQUID GRAIN STORAGE FACILITY.'

2. He is not a 'BAD DANCER' - He is 
' OVERLY CAUCASIAN.'

3.. He does not 'GET LOST ALL THE TIME' - He
' INVESTIGATES ALTERNATIVE DESTINATIONS.'

4. He is not 'BALDING' - He is in
'FOLLICLE REGRESSION.'

5. He does not act like a 'TOTAL ASS' - He develops a case of
RECTAL-CRANIAL INVERSION.'
(Loved this one!)

6. It's not his 'CRACK' you see hanging out of his pants - It's
'TROUSER CLEAVAGE.'

 Thanks David!

16 comments:

  1. Trouser cleavage?

    Where's the caulking gun?

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  2. Alternative destinations? That's me. I have never been lost, just a bit confused...

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  3. I have one to add to the list....

    I'm not a total a$$hole. I have optirectumitis: My eye nerve crossed with my ass nerve, and I have a sh*tty outlook on life.

    ReplyDelete
  4. ...I wasn't lost, I was performing an SDR.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Brooke, stuck in the Trouser Cleavage.

    ReplyDelete
  6. AOW, We'll have to keep that one in mind for the next PC post.

    ReplyDelete
  7. Supi, that's what we do here. Glad you enjoy it.

    ReplyDelete
  8. "Trouser Cleavage"...good one, but not reserved for men only. I'm sure I've seen some women with trouser cleave in your Wal-Martian posts.

    Happy New Year, Odie!

    ReplyDelete
  9. Womens #6 must work in the White House.

    ReplyDelete
  10. Now this has gone to far. When an old redneck hillbilly can't declare his heritage proudly we have crossed the line and are on that slippery slope. BTW, round hea, we are properly identified as "HOOPIES" so I guess I am in the clear, other than my bad case of follicle regression. Great one Odie!

    ReplyDelete
  11. Stopsign, could be, but I don't think any of them are low cost.

    ReplyDelete
  12. Scott, mine done regressed over forty yars ago.

    ReplyDelete

Put it here ... I can't wait to read it.