Monday, January 2, 2012

Being Politically Correct



Due to the climate of political correctness now pervading America, 
Kentuckians, Tennesseans and West Virginians will no longer be referred to as: 'HILLBILLIES.'
 
You must now refer to them as
APPALACHIAN-AMERICANS.

And furthermore,

HOW TO SPEAK ABOUT WOMEN AND BE POLITICALLY CORRECT:

1. She is not a 'BABE' or a 'CHICK' - She is a
BREASTED AMERICAN. '


2. She is not 'EASY' - She is 
'HORIZONTALLY ACCESSIBLE.'


3. She is not a 'DUMB BLONDE' - She is a
 'LIGHT-HAIRED DETOUR OFF THE INFORMATION SUPERHIGHWAY.'


4. She has not 'BEEN AROUND' - She is a 
'PREVIOUSLY-ENJOYED COMPANION.'


5. She does not 'NAG' you - She becomes 
' VERBALLY REPETITIVE.'


6. She is not a 'TWO-BIT HOOKER' - She is a 
' LOW COST PROVIDER.'


HOW TO SPEAK ABOUT MEN AND BE POLITICALLY CORRECT:

1. He does not have a 'BEER GUT' - He has developed a
'LIQUID GRAIN STORAGE FACILITY.'

2. He is not a 'BAD DANCER' - He is 
' OVERLY CAUCASIAN.'

3.. He does not 'GET LOST ALL THE TIME' - He
' INVESTIGATES ALTERNATIVE DESTINATIONS.'

4. He is not 'BALDING' - He is in
'FOLLICLE REGRESSION.'

5. He does not act like a 'TOTAL ASS' - He develops a case of
RECTAL-CRANIAL INVERSION.'
(Loved this one!)

6. It's not his 'CRACK' you see hanging out of his pants - It's
'TROUSER CLEAVAGE.'

 Thanks David!

16 comments:

Brooke said...

Trouser cleavage?

Where's the caulking gun?

Randy-g said...

Alternative destinations? That's me. I have never been lost, just a bit confused...

Always On Watch said...

I have one to add to the list....

I'm not a total a$$hole. I have optirectumitis: My eye nerve crossed with my ass nerve, and I have a sh*tty outlook on life.

Supi said...

Odie you make learning fun.

Race Bannon said...

...I wasn't lost, I was performing an SDR.

Woodsterman (Odie) said...

Brooke, stuck in the Trouser Cleavage.

Woodsterman (Odie) said...

Randy, not OVERLY CAUCASIAN?

Woodsterman (Odie) said...

AOW, We'll have to keep that one in mind for the next PC post.

Woodsterman (Odie) said...

Supi, that's what we do here. Glad you enjoy it.

Woodsterman (Odie) said...

Race, That answered that question.

The Conservative Lady said...

"Trouser Cleavage"...good one, but not reserved for men only. I'm sure I've seen some women with trouser cleave in your Wal-Martian posts.

Happy New Year, Odie!

stopsign said...

Womens #6 must work in the White House.

Scott said...

Now this has gone to far. When an old redneck hillbilly can't declare his heritage proudly we have crossed the line and are on that slippery slope. BTW, round hea, we are properly identified as "HOOPIES" so I guess I am in the clear, other than my bad case of follicle regression. Great one Odie!

Woodsterman (Odie) said...

Lady, you have.

Woodsterman (Odie) said...

Stopsign, could be, but I don't think any of them are low cost.

Woodsterman (Odie) said...

Scott, mine done regressed over forty yars ago.