Monday, November 28, 2011


Ed came home drunk one night, slid into bed beside his 
sleeping wife, and fell into a deep slumber.
He awoke before the Pearly Gates, where St. Peter said, 
'You died in your sleep, Ed.'
Ed was stunned. 'I'm dead? No, I can't be! I've got too 
much to live for. Send me back!'
St. Peter said, 'I'm sorry, but there's only one way you can go 
back, and that is as a chicken.'
Ed was devastated, but begged St. Peter to send him to a farm 
near his home. The next thing he knew, he was covered with 
feathers, clucking and pecking the ground..
rooster strolled past. 'So, you're the new hen, huh? 
How's your first day here?'
'Not bad,' replied Ed the hen, 'but I have this strange 
feeling inside. Like I'm gonna explode!'
'You're ovulating,' explained the rooster. 'Don't tell me you've
never laid an egg before?' 'Never,' said Ed.
'Well, just relax and let it happen,' says the rooster. 'It's no big deal.'
He did, and a few uncomfortable seconds later, out popped an egg!  
He was overcome with emotion as he experienced motherhood.  
He soon laid another egg -- his joy was overwhelming..
As he was about to lay his third egg, he felt a smack on the 
back of his head, and heard.....
"Ed, wake up! You shit the bed!"
Getting OLD just ain't what they said it would be!

Sunday, November 27, 2011

Did You Plant Any Willy Peppers ?

Something new for the garden.....
Willy  Peppers Will Bring Tears Of Joy -

...  nature  is very interesting  ...
   For  all the keen gardeners out  there
     that have  never seen a Willy Pepper  before...
These are actual peppers  from a garden.      They  really are called  'Willy  Peppers'..
By the way, the farmer says  they can 
grow up to 18" long!
Sort  of brings tears to your  eyes doesn't it?

Thanks David !

Saturday, November 26, 2011

I Still Love Blondes OR Rule 5 Woodsterman Style

A gorgeous young redhead goes into the doctor's office 
and said that her body hurt wherever she touched it. 
'Impossible!' says the doctor... 'Show me.'  The redhead 
took her finger, pushed on her left shoulder and screamed, 
then she pushed her elbow and screamed even more. She 
pushed her knee and screamed; likewise she pushed her 
ankle and screamed. Everywhere she touched made her 
scream.  The doctor said, 'You're not really a redhead, 
are you?  'Well, no' she said, 'I'm actually a blonde.'  
'I thought so,' the doctor said, 'Your finger is broken.'
A highway patrolman pulled alongside a speeding car on
the freeway. Glancing at the car, he was astounded to 
see that the blonde behind the wheel was knitting! Realizing 
that she was oblivious to his flashing lights and siren, 
the trooper cranked down his window, turned on his bullhorn and yelled, 'PULL OVER!'  'NO!' the blonde yelled back, 
A Russian, an American, and a Blonde were talking one day. 
The Russian said, 'We were the first in space!'  
The American said, 'We were the first on the moon!'  
The Blonde said, 'So what? We're going to be the first on the sun!'  
The Russian and the American looked at each other and 
shook their heads.. 'You can't land on the sun, you idiot! 
You'll burn up!' said the Russian.  To which the Blonde replied, 
'We're not stupid, you know. We're going at night!'
A blonde was playing Trivial Pursuit one night... 
It was her turn. She rolled the dice and she landed 
on Science & Nature. Her question was, 'If you are in a
vacuum and someone calls your name, can you hear it?' 
She thought for a time and then asked, 'Is it on or off?'
A girl was visiting her blonde friend, who had acquired 
two new dogs, and asked her what their names were. 
The blonde responded by saying that one was named 
Rolex and one was named Timex. Her friend said, 
'Whoever heard of someone naming dogs like that?'  
'HELLLOOOOOOO......,' answered the blonde. 
'They're watch dogs'!

Friday, November 25, 2011

Shopping Tips For The Ladies

On this busiest of shopping days, ladies, here is
some help in getting your moneys worth. Buy
more fabric.

The Ladies and I thank you David.

Thursday, November 24, 2011



May your stuffing be tasty. May your turkey be plump.
May your potatoes ' n gravy have nary a lump.
May your yams be delicious. May your pies take the prize.
May your Thanksgiving dinner stay off of your thighs.

Sent today from Dan
I had to pass it on !

Happy Thanksgiving Three For Thursday

Retirement Planning
 If  you had purchased $1,000.00 of Nortel stock one year ago, it would now be worth $49.00.
With Enron, you would have had $16.50 left of the original $1,000.00.

With WorldCom, you would have had less than $5.00 left.
If you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock, you would have $49.00  left.

But,  if you had purchased $1,000.00 worth of wine one year ago, drunk all the wine, then turned in the bottles for the recycling REFUND, you would  have had $214.00.

Based  on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.
 Let  people you care about know this... and  tell them to start now!!! 
Thanks Dan !

Wednesday, November 23, 2011

Darn Barn !

News report from Bruno , NE In 1981, Herman Ostry and
his wife, Donna, bought a farm a half mile outside of
Bruno , Nebraska , a small community sixty
miles west of Omaha .. The property had a creek and
came with a barn built in the 1920's. The barn
floor was always wet and
muddy. When the creek
flooded in 1988, the barn ended up with 29 inches
of water covering the floor. That was the last
straw. Ostry needed to move it to higher ground.

He contacted a building moving company and was
discouraged by the bid. One night around the
table, Ostry commented that if they had enough
people they could pick the barn up and move it to
higher ground.. Everyone laughed.

A few days later, Ostry’s son Mike showed his father some
calculations. He had counted the individual boards
and timbers in the barn and estimated that the barn
weighed approximately 16,640 pounds. He also estimated
that a steel grid needed to move the barn would
add another 3,150 pounds, bringing the total
weight to just under 10 tons. He figured it would
take around 350 people with each person lifting 56
lbs. to move the barn.

The town of Bruno , Nebraska was planning its centennial celebration
in late July of 1988. Herman and Mike presented
their barn moving idea to the committee. The
committee decided to make it part of their celebration.

So, on July 30, 1988, shortly
before 11 a.m., a quick test lift was successfully
made. Then, as local television cameras and 4,000
people from eleven states watched, 350
moved the barn 115 feet south and 6 feet higher up
a gentle slope and set it on its new foundation.

The reason most people think that something cannot be
done is because they know that they can’t do it by
themselves. But impossible things can be done if
we join together
in the task. Working together,
we can not only move barns, but change the world.

Tuesday, November 22, 2011

Butt Injection With 'Fix a Flat' Leads to Arrest

A Miami Gardens transgender woman is facing charges of 
practicing medicine without a license after police say she injected 
a patient's rear with everything but the kitchen sink 
in an illegal cosmetic surgery procedure.

View more videos at:

The Moral of this story ... 
"Watch what you put in your butt!"

Thanks Dan (I think)

Monday, November 21, 2011

The Latest Landing of Wal-Martians 8

Oh Daddy, take me to Wal-Mart.

Thank You David ... That's all folks !

Sunday, November 20, 2011

I Love Blondes ~ OR ~ Rule 5 Woodsterman Style

DISNEYLAND Two blondes were going to Disneyland.  
They were driving on the Interstate when they saw the sign
 that said Disneyland LEFT.  They started crying and 
turned around and went home. 
Two blondes living in Oklahoma were sitting on a
 bench talking, and one blonde says to the other, 
'Which do you think is farther away... Florida or the moon?'
  The other blonde turns and says 
'Helloooooooooo, can you see Florida ?????'
A blonde pushes her BMW into a gas station. 
She tells the mechanic it died.  After he works 
on it for a few minutes, it is idling smoothly.  
She says, 'What's the story?'  He replies, 'Just crap 
in the carburetor' She asks, 'How often do I have to do that?'
A police officer stops a blonde for speeding and asks her 
very nicely if he could see her license.  
She replied in a huff, 'I wish you guys would 
get your act together. 
Just yesterday you take away my license and then
 today you expect me to show it to you!'
There's this blonde out for a walk. She comes to a river 
and sees another blonde on the opposite bank 
'Yoo-hoo!' she shouts, 'How can I get to the other side?'
 The second blonde looks up the river then down the 
river and shouts back, 'You ARE on the other side.' 

If all went well ... I'm traveling home today.

UPDATE: Preposting is great until something like this happens.
                   I traveled home yesterday and here I am.

Saturday, November 19, 2011

D'oh! Forgot The Photos . . . .

Our get together yesterday was GREAT, but oh so short.
As I suspected there were 5 of us. Two beautiful ladies,
Opus#6 (Opie to me @ *American Perspective*) and 
Allison (@ A Daily Laugh). Rounding up the rear (or butt)
were LL (@ Virtual Mirage), TWP (@ The War Planner),
and me Odie (@ Woodsterman). Please refer to yesterdays
post for the links. 

A few of us had commitments that had to be met, so time 
was so very short. The time was so high on our minds that 
we were all photo capable, with 4 iPhones and another 
camera in a phone, but plum forgot. If you wish to see
this motley crew, check last years post at this time.

You would think after looking forward to this for a year,
we'd have our S**t together. There's always next year. The
old Woodsterman heads home tomorrow after almost a week
in la la land. I'm always reminded why I left 32 years ago.
I might have to drive through a snow storm to get home, but
it is so worth it.

Friday, November 18, 2011

NewsBusted 11/18/11 ~

Hello from la la land. Actually, I've moved on to
Buena Park. It's the home of Knott's Berry Farm.
Today is a big day for the old Woodsterman. This
is the day I get to mingle with some real bloggers
for lunch. I'll be breaking bread with the likes of
Opus#6, LL, The War Planner, and newbie to the
haven't heard from Trestin and Tim of "The Left
Coast Rebel", as to whether they'll be joining us.

A report to follow . . . .  

Monday, November 14, 2011

The Condom

I’ve always been a student of history.
But I didn’t know this..


piece of history!

1272, the Arabic Muslims
 the condom, 
using a goat's lower intestine.
1873, the
British somewhat refined the idea
by taking the intestine out of the goat

Thanks Dan !

I'll be on a road trip starting tomorrow. 
I never know how my internet access
will be. I'll do my best to keep my posts
current, and my visits to you also.

Sunday, November 13, 2011

The Latest Landing of Wal-Martians 5

You know you had to look. A mistake, huh.

Thanks David !

Saturday, November 12, 2011

The Latest Landing of Wal-Martians 4

It's the gift that just keeps on givings . . . .

Thanks David !

Friday, November 11, 2011

NewsBusted 11/11/11 ~

As a Veteran . . .

I posted this last year, but I got side stepped this year by family
matters. I had a great Veterans Day planned for this
year, but family came first. This is Woodsterman above
and My favorite video below. Yes that is the real 
Woodsterman and his Deuce and a Half he put 20,000
miles on in Vietnam in one year. 

All that were here at home ... We served for you, our 
country, and our way of life.

Thursday, November 10, 2011

The Latest Landing of Wal-Martians 3

They're Back . . . .

Thanks David !

We have a family event this weekend. The posts and blog visits will be a bit sketchy.

Wednesday, November 9, 2011

Dogs Know

Have you ever heard that a dog 'knows' when 
an earthquake is about to hit? 

Have you ever heard that a dog can 'sense' when 
a tornado is stirring up, even 20 miles away? 

Do you remember hearing that before the December 
tsunami struck Southeast Asia , dogs started running 
frantically away from the seashore, at breakneck speed? 

Do you know that dogs can detect cancer and other 
serious illnesses and danger of fire?

Somehow they always know when they can 'go for a ride' 
before you even ask. How do those dogs and cats get 
home from hundreds of miles away? 

I'm a firm believer that animals - and especially cats and 
dogs - have keen insights into the Truth. 

And you can't tell me that dogs can't sense a potentially 
terrible disaster well in advance.

Simply said, a dog just KNOWS when something isn't 
right... when impending doom is upon us. 

They'll always try to warn us!