Thursday, September 29, 2011

KEEP THE GRAY MATTER ACTIVE


 Let's see who's awake this morning  :)

1. Johnny's mother had three children. The first child was named April. The second child was named May. What was the third child's name?

2. There is a clerk at the butcher shop, he is five feet ten inches tall and he wears size 13 sneakers. What does he weigh?

3. Before Mt. Everest was discovered, what was the highest mountain in the world?

4. How much dirt is there in a hole that measures two feet by three feet by four feet?

5. What word in the English Language is always spelled incorrectly?

6. Billy was born on December 28th, yet his birthday is always in the summer. How is this possible?

7. In California, you cannot take a picture of a man with a wooden leg. Why not?

8. What was the President's Name in 1975?

9. If you were running a race, and you passed the person in 2nd place, what place would you be in now?

10. Which is correct to say, "The yolk of the egg are white" or "The yolk of the egg is white"?

11. If a farmer has 5 haystacks in one field and 4 haystacks in the other field, how many      haystacks would he have if he combined them all in another field?

____________________________________

Here are the Answers

1. Johnny's mother had three children. The first child was named April. The second child was named May. What was the third child's name?

Answer: Johnny of course

2. There is a clerk at the butcher shop, he is five feet ten inches tall, and he wears size 13 sneakers. What does he weigh?

Answer: Meat.

3. Before Mt. Everest was discovered, what was the highest mountain in the world?

Answer: Mt. Everest; it just wasn't discovered yet. [You're not very good at this are you?]

4. How much dirt is there in a hole that measures two feet by three feet by four feet?

Answer: There is no dirt in a hole.

5. What word in the English Language is always spelled incorrectly?

Answer: Incorrectly (hang in there sunshine!)

6. Billy was born on December 28th, yet his birthday is always in the summer. How is this possible?

Answer: Billy lives in the Southern Hemisphere (duh!)

7. In California, you cannot take a picture of a man with a wooden leg. Why not?

Answer: You can't take pictures with a wooden leg. You need a camera to take pictures.

8. What was the President's Name in 1975?

Answer: Same as is it now - Barack Obama  [Oh, come on ...]

9. If you were running a race, and you passed the person in 2nd place, what place would you be in now?

Answer: You would be in 2nd. Well, you passed the person in second place, not first.

10. Which is correct to say, "The yolk of the egg are white" or "The yolk of the egg is white"?

Answer: Neither, the yolk of the egg is yellow  [Really now!]

11. If a farmer has 5 haystacks in one field and 4 haystacks in the other field, how many haystacks would he have if he combined them all in another field?

Answer: One. If he combines all of his haystacks, they all become one big stack.

Happy Thursday ! (Thanks David !)

Wednesday, September 28, 2011

The Tail of Two Presidents

These two photos say it all. Just look at the paraphernalia 
this egocentric, pompous carries into a school to speak to 
small children!
Still needs to have the podium, the teleprompters, the
lights, the black boxes, and the secret service guy in
back to be on the look-out for any terrorist type
8-year-olds with Tea Partying parents.
Here's what the last guy needed.
You remember... the dumb one...

Thanks David !

Monday, September 26, 2011

A Branch of the Tea Party ?

 Gray Haired Brigade
They like to refer to us as senior citizens, old fogies, geezers, and in some cases dinosaurs. Some of us are "Baby Boomers" getting ready to retire. Others have been retired for some time. We walk a little slower these days and our eyes and hearing are not what they once were.
We have worked hard, raised our children, worshiped our God and grown old together. Yes, we are the ones some refer to as being over the hill, and that is probably true. But before writing us off completely, there are a few things that need to be taken into consideration.
In school we studied English, history, math, and science which enabled us to lead  America into the technological age. Most of us remember what outhouses were, many of us with firsthand experience. We remember the days of telephone party-lines, 25 cent gasoline, and milk and ice being delivered to our homes. For those of you who don't know what an icebox is, today they are electric and referred to as refrigerators. A few even remember when cars were started with a crank. Yes, we lived those days.
We are probably considered old fashioned and out-dated by many. But there are a few things you need to remember before completely writing us off. We won World War II, fought in  Korea and  Viet Nam . We can quote The Pledge of Allegiance, and know where to place our hand while doing so. We wore the uniform of our country with pride and lost many friends on the battlefield. We didn't fight for the Socialist States of America , we fought for the "Land of the Free and the Home of the Brave." We wore different uniforms but carried the same flag. We know the words to the Star Spangled  Banner ,  America , and  America the Beautiful by heart, and you may even see some tears running down our cheeks as we sing. We have lived what many of you have only read about in history books and we feel no obligation to apologize to anyone for  America .
Yes, we are old and slow these days but rest assured, we have at least one good fight left in us. We have loved this country, fought for it, and died for it, and now we are going to save it. It is our country and nobody is going to take it away from us. We took oaths to defend  America against all enemies, foreign and domestic, and that is an oath we plan to keep. There are those who want to destroy this land we love but, like our founders, there is no way we are going to remain silent.
It was the young people of this nation who elected Obama and the Democratic Congress.
You fell for the "Hope and Change" which in reality was nothing but "Hype and Lies." You have tasted socialism and seen evil face to face, and have found you don't like it after all. You make a lot of noise, but most are all too interested in their careers or "Climbing the Social Ladder" to be involved in such mundane things as patriotism and voting. Many of those who fell for the "Great Lie" in 2008 are now having buyer's remorse. With all the education we gave you, you didn't have sense enough to see through the lies and instead drank the 'Cool-Aid.' Now you're paying the price and complaining about it. No jobs, lost mortgages, higher taxes, and less freedom. This is what you voted for and this is what you got. We entrusted you with the Torch of  Liberty and you traded it for a paycheck and a fancy house.
Well, don't worry youngsters, the Grey Haired Brigade is here, and in 2012 we are going to take back our nation. We may drive a little slower than you would like but we get where we're going, and in 2012 we're going to the polls by the millions. This land does not belong to the man in the White House nor to the likes of Nancy Pelosi and Harry Reid. It belongs to "We the People" and "We the People" plan to reclaim our land and our freedom. We hope this time you will do a better job of preserving it and passing it along to our grandchildren. So the next time you have the chance to say the Pledge of Allegiance, Stand up, put your hand over your heart, honor our country, and thank God for the old geezers of the "Grey-Haired Brigade."
~Author, Anon. Grey-Haired Brigade Member
I am another Gray Haired Geezer signing on. Come on guys. Let’s get this circulating around.

Thanks Dan !

Sunday, September 25, 2011

The Ant and the Grasshopper


The ANT
AND THE
GRASSHOPPER
This one is a little different ......
Two Different Versions .....
Two Different Morals






OLD VERSION:

The ant works hard in the withering heat all summer long, 
building his house and
laying up supplies for the winter.

The grasshopper  thinks the ant is a fool and laughs and 

dances and plays the summer away.
Come winter, the ant is warm and well fed.
The grasshopper has no food or shelter,
so he dies out in the cold.

MORAL OF THE OLD STORY:

Be responsible for yourself!





MODERN VERSION:
The ant works hard in the withering heat and the rain all 

summer long, building his house and laying up supplies 
for the winter.

The grasshopper thinks the ant  is a fool and laughs and 

dances and plays the summer away.

Come winter, the shivering grasshopper calls a press 

conference and demands to know why the ant should 
be allowed to be warm and well fed while he is cold 
and starving.

CBS, NBC , PBS, CNN, and ABC show up to provide 

pictures of the shivering grasshopper next to a video 
of the ant  in his comfortable home with a table filled 
with food. America is stunned by the sharp contrast.

How can this be, that in a country of such wealth, 

this poor grasshopper is allowed to suffer so?

Kermit the Frog appears on Oprah with the grasshopper 

and everybody cries when they sing, 
'It's Not Easy Being Green..'

ACORN stages a demonstration in front of the ant's 

house where the news stations film the group singing, 
We shall overcome.

Then Rev. Jeremiah Wright has the group kneel down 

to pray for the grasshopper's sake.

President Obama condemns the ant and blames  

President Bush, President Reagan, Christopher Columbus, 
and even the Pope  for the grasshopper's plight.

Nancy Pelosi & Harry Reid  exclaim in an interview 

with Larry King that the ant has gotten rich off the 
back of the grasshopper, and both call for an immediate 
tax hike on the ant to make him pay his fair share.

Finally, the EEOC drafts the Economic Equity & 

Anti-Grasshopper Act retroactive to the beginning 
of  the summer.

The ant is fined for failing to hire a proportionate number 

of green bugs and,  having  nothing left to pay his retroactive
taxes, his home is confiscated by the  Government  

Green Czar and given  to the grasshopper.

The story ends as we see the grasshopper and his

free-loading friends finishing up the last bits of the 
ant's food while the government house he is  in, which, 
as you recall, just happens to be the ant's old house, 
crumbles around them because the grasshopper doesn't  
maintain it.

The ant has disappeared in the snow,
never to be seen again.

The grasshopper  is found  dead in a drug related incident, 

and the house, now  abandoned, is taken over  by a gang of  
spiders who terrorize and ramshackle, the once prosperous 
and peaceful, neighborhood.

The entire Nation collapses bringing the rest
of the free world with it.

MORAL OF THE STORY:


Be careful how you vote in 2012


I've posted this because
I believe that you are an ant!

You may wish to pass this on to other ants, but don't 

bother sending it on to any grasshopper's because they
wouldn't understand it, anyway.
       

Saturday, September 24, 2011

Oh Nurse ~ OR ~ Rule 5 Woodsterman Style

Nurses aren't supposed to laugh...

"Of course I won't laugh," said the nurse. "I'm a professional. 
In over twenty years I've never laughed at a patient."

"Okay then," said Fred, and he proceeded to drop his trousers, 
revealing the smallest male part the nurse had ever seen.

It's length and width was almost identical to a AAA battery.

Unable to control herself, the nurse tried to stop a giggle, 
but it just came out. And then she started laughing at the 
fact that she was laughing. Feeling very bad that she had 
laughed at the man's part, she composed herself as well 
as she could.

"I am so sorry," she said. "I don't know what came over me. 
On my honor as a nurse and a lady, I promise that won't 
happen again. Now, tell me, what seems to be the problem?"

"It's swollen," Fred replied.

She ran out of the room.




Thanks David !

Thursday, September 22, 2011

More Toons From Foreign Lands

 CANADA 
 SLOVAKIA
 SWEDEN
 SWEDEN
USA (It seems foreign sometimes)

Thanks David !

Wednesday, September 21, 2011

Fodder For "ATTACK WATCH" !


This photo captured the back of a Marine's Jeep.
I contend that for a nation to try to tax itself into 
Prosperity is like a man standing in a bucket and 
Trying to lift himself up by the handle. 
-- Winston Churchill
This is so good !!!     
Hwy 59 at Hwy 43 - 
across from  Marshall  High School
_________________________________________ 

Sign at Hutchinson, KS, 35 miles SE of Wichita

 Sign POSTED on Hwy 61, Hutchinson , Kansas .
_______________________________________________________________________
we cannot afford Obama or his CHANGE!!!
_______________________________________________________________________
 
I dedicate this post to those fine folks at "ATTACKWATCH"!

Monday, September 19, 2011

Toons From Foreign Lands


But first a word from our sponsor.

Two rednecks are sitting on the front porch.

One says, "Did you know that elks have sex 10 to 15 times a night?"
 
"AW SHIT", says his friend, "and I just joined the VFW

AUSTRALIA:
FRANCE :

NETHERLANDS :

 NETHERLANDS:
CANADA :

Thanks David !

As a side note ... Randy's Cowboys beat my 49ers, so I think it
only right to pay tribute to it here ... Randy this one's for you!

Cotton pickin' 9ers!

Sunday, September 18, 2011

Put It Here Warren


 I believe it was Warren Buffett who proudly said,
"Heck, my secretary pays more in taxes than I do."
Well big mouth, here's your chance.

Thursday, September 15, 2011

Thursday Night Bonus . . .

From Dale at Out of Order the Blog (H/T)

Looky what I made ... I hope none of you turn me in.

Three-fer Thursday Again

Everyone claims this is not a photo chop job.
You be the judge ... is Biden dumb enough?
Does the term, "Box of rocks", come to mind?


**********

 **********
The Woodpecker Might have to go! 

Thanks David for the last two!

Wednesday, September 14, 2011

Monday, September 12, 2011

Chevy Truck



      I stopped by the Chevrolet Dealership yesterday, 
for a look at the new Silverado 2011, 1500 pickup. 
Just for fun, I took it out for a test drive. I wanted to 
sense that new "feel" before they become extinct...
       
      The salesman (a black man wearing an Obama 
"change" lapel pin) sat in the passenger seat describing 
the truck and all its "wonderful" options.. The seats were 
of particular interest. He explained that the seats directed 
warm air to your butt in the winter and directed cool air to 
your butt in the summer heat. Feeling like messing with 
him, I mentioned that this must be a  Republican truck.
       
      Looking a bit angry, he asked why I thought it was a 
Republican truck. I explained that if it were a Democrat truck, 
the seats would blow smoke up your ass year-round.
       
      I had to walk back to the dealership... 
Damn guy had NO sense of humor. 

Sunday, September 11, 2011

The Donkey Whisperer






Just like trying to tell a Duh-mocrat what this day really means.

9/11/01 is in our hearts ! 

Saturday, September 10, 2011

Buffy ~ OR ~ Rule 5 Woodsterman Style

Prior to her trip to Texas, Buffy (a blonde from California)
confided to her co-workers she had three goals  for her trip 
to the Lone Star State: 
           
1.   She wanted to taste some real Texas Bar-B-Que.
2.   She wanted to take in a bona fide rodeo.  
3.   And she wanted to have sex with a local cowboy. 

Upon returning, the girls were curious  as to how she fared. 
'Let me tell you, they have a bush down there called a 
Mesquite and when they slow cook the brisket over  that 
wood, it's ooooh so good! The taste is unbelievable!' 
 
'And I went to a real rodeo - Talk about  athletes!  
Those guys wrestle full grown bulls!  They  ride horses 
at a full gallop, then jump off their horses
and grab the bull by the horns and throw em to the 
ground - It's just  incredible!'

Then came the big question,  'Well tell us....did you have 
sex with  a real cowboy?!?' 'Are you kidding?  When I saw 
the size of the  condoms they carry in their back pockets, 
no way in hell was I gonna have sex with a 
freakin cowboy from Texas!"


 Brought to you by:

Thanks David !

Friday, September 9, 2011

Skinny Lawyer OR the Day After the First Game

Ah yes, you ask the "First Game"? They were both
on NBC. The Second Game was played by Professionals
while the first was not.

I refuse to watch "The One", as I can't stand the self 
indulgence and lies any more.  So here's what was put
together in his honor.

Skinny Lawyer
 
For all of you who have made disparaging remarks about President Obama, please read the following:

I'm sure most of us have read the so-called comparison of Lincoln and Kennedy, but did you ever consider the relationship between Obama and Lincoln?

You might be surprised.
 
Parallels of Abraham Lincoln and Barack Hussein Obama:


1. Lincoln placed his hand on the Bible for his inauguration. Obama used the same Bible.

2. Lincoln came from Illinois . Obama comes from Illinois .

3. Lincoln served in the Illinois Legislature. Obama served in the Illinois Legislature.

4. Lincoln had very little experience before becoming President. Obama had very little experience before becoming President.

5. Lincoln rode the train from Philadelphia to Washington for his inauguration.
Obama rode the train from Philadelphia to Washington for his inauguration.

6. Lincoln was a skinny lawyer. Obama is a skinny lawyer.

7. Lincoln was a Republican. Obama is a skinny lawyer.

8. Lincoln was in the United States military. Obama is a skinny lawyer.

9. Lincoln believed in everyone carrying their own weight. Obama is a skinny lawyer.

10. Lincoln did not waste taxpayers' money on personal enjoyments. Obama is a skinny lawyer.

11. Lincoln was highly respected. Obama is a skinny lawyer.

12. Lincoln was born in the United States . Obama is a skinny lawyer.

13. Lincoln was honest, so honest he was called Honest Abe. Obama is a skinny lawyer

14. Lincoln saved the United States . Obama is a skinny lawyer.
 
Thanks Dan!

Thursday, September 8, 2011

BO vs. The Fly ! (A Special Jobs Speech Preview)

A cowboy  from   Texas    attended a social function where 
Barack  Obama was trying to gather support for his  Health Plan.  
When Obama discovered the  cowboy was from President Bush's 
home area, he  started to belittle him by talking in a southern 
drawl and single syllable  words.
As  he was doing that, he kept swatting at some  flies 
that were buzzing around his head. The  cowboy says, 
"Y'all havin' some problem with  them circle flies?"
Obama stopped talking  and said, "Well, yes, if that's 
what they're  called, but I've never heard of circle  flies."
"Well, sir," the cowboy replies,  "Circle flies hang around 
ranches. They're  called circle flies because they're almost
always found circling around the back end of a  horse."
"Oh," Obama replies as he goes  back to rambling.
But, a  moment later he stops and bluntly  asks,  
"Are you  calling me a horse's ass?"  
"No,  sir," the cowboy replies, "I have too much  respect 
for the citizens of this country to call  their
president a horse's ass."
"That's a  good thing," Obama responds and 
begins rambling  on once more.
After a long pause, the  cowboy, in his best Texas drawl  says, 
"Hard  to fool them flies,  though."

Tuesday, September 6, 2011

Ladies . . . This Ones For You


Makes you feel all mushy inside ... huh.

Monday, September 5, 2011

No Speekada Engrish Preese







*************

The little woman and I finished our last show of
year last night. So things will be less than in
emergency mode around here. 

I wish to happily report that we and our customers
refused to take part in Obama's Recession.
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