Sen. Reid goes to a local GM dealer in Washington, D.C. with the
intention of buying a brand new vehicle. Harry looks around and finds one he likes. After going back and forth with the salesman, Harry settles on a price of $45,000.
Harry and the salesman go back to the office to complete the
paperwork. Harry works out a 4-year payment plan, and signs on the bottom line.
The salesman shakes Harry's hand and says, "Thanks Senator Reid,
the car will be ready for pickup in 4 years."
Harry says, "What are you talking about? Where are the keys to my
The salesman replies, "No, you don't understand Senator. You
make payments for 4 years... THEN we give you the car. You know, just
like your health plan".
Harry, with a choking voice, says to the salesman, "But that's not
And I say without any doubt or embarrassment: Tough S... And on top of that, Harry's going to be sorry he got the car after four years!
While she was waiting for Saint Peter to greet her, she peeked through the gates. She saw a beautiful banquet table. Sitting all around were her parents and all the other people she had loved and who had died before her.
They saw her and began calling greetings to her.
" Hello - How are you! We've been waiting for you! Good to see you."
When Saint Peter came by, the woman said to him, "This is such a wonderful place! How do I get in?"
"You have to spell a word," Saint Peter told her."Which word?" the woman asked. "Love."
The woman correctly spelled 'Love', and Saint Peter welcomed her into Heaven. About a year later, Saint Peter came to the woman and asked her to watch the Gates of Heaven for him that day. While the woman was guarding the Gates of Heaven, her husband arrived. I'm surprised to see you," the woman said. "How have you been?"
"Oh, I've been doing pretty well since you died," her husband told her. " I married the beautiful young nurse who took care of you while you were ill. And then I won the multi-state lottery. I sold the little house you and I lived in and bought a huge mansion. And my wife and I traveled all around the world. We were on vacation in Cancun and I went water skiing today. I fell and hit my head, and here I am. What a bummer! How do I get in?" "You have to spell a word," the woman told him.
"Which word?" her husband asked. " Czechoslovakia ."
Three mischievous old Grandmas were sitting on a bench outside a nursing home when an old Grandpa walked by.
And one of the old Grandmas yelled out saying, 'We bet we can tellexactly how old you are..'
The old man said, 'There is no way you
can guess it, you old fools.'
One of the old Grandmas said, 'Sure we can! Just drop your pants and under shorts and we can tell your exact age.'
Embarrassed just a little, but anxious to prove they couldn't do it,he dropped his drawers.
The Grandmas asked him to first turn around a couple of times and tojump up and down several times. Then they
all piped up and said,'You're87 years old!'
Standing with his pants down around his ankles, the old gentasked,'Howin the world did you guess?'
Slapping their knees and grinning from ear to ear, the three oldladieshappily yelled in unison - - -
'We were at your birthday partyyesterday!'
Healthcare Plan that will put the government in charge of our health ... Writtenby a committee whose chairman says he doesn't understand it, Passed by a Congress that hasn't read it but exempts themselves from it, to be signed by a president who smokes cigarettes and also hasn't read it,
withfunding administered by a treasury chief who didn't pay his taxes,
to beoverseenby a surgeon general who is obese, and financed by a country that's nearly broke. What could possibly go wrong?
THIS IS SO INCREDIBLY WELL PUT AND I CAN HARDLY BELIEVE IT'S BY A YOUNG PERSON! WHATEVER HE RUNS FOR, I'LL VOTE FOR HIM.
Dear American liberals, leftists, social progressives, socialists, Marxists and Obama supporters, et al:
We have stuck together since the late 1950's, but the whole of this latest election process has made me realize that I want a divorce. I know we tolerated each other for many years for the sake of future generations, but sadly, this relationship has run its course. Our two ideological sides of America cannot and will not ever agree on what is right so let's just end it on friendly terms. We can smile and chalk it up to irreconcilable differences and go our own way.
Here is a model separation agreement:
Our two groups can equitably divide up this country by landmass each taking a portion. That will be the difficult part, but I am sure our two sides can come to a friendly agreement. After that, it should be relatively easy! Our respective representatives can effortlessly divide other assets since both sides have such distinct and disparate tastes.
We don't like re-distributive taxes so you can keep them. You are welcome to the liberal judges and the ACLU. Since you hate guns and war, we'll take our firearms, the cops, the NRA and the military. You can keep Oprah, Michael Moore, and Rosie O'Donnell. (You are, however, responsible for finding a bio-diesel vehicle big enough to move all three of them).
We'll keep the capitalism, greedy corporations, pharmaceutical companies, Wal-Mart, and Wall Street. You can have your beloved homeboys, hippies and illegal aliens. We'll keep the hot Alaskan hockey moms, greedy CEO's and rednecks. We'll keep the Bibles and give you NBC and Hollywood .
You can make nice with Iran and Palestine and we'll retain the right to invade and hammer places that threaten us. You can have the peaceniks and war protesters.
When our allies or our way of life are under assault, we'll help provide them security.
We'll keep our Judeo-Christian values. You are welcome to Islam, Scientology, Humanism, and Shirley McClain. You can also have the U.N, but we will no longer be paying the bill.
We'll keep the SUV's, pickup trucks, and oversized luxury cars. You can take every Volkswagen you can find.
We'll keep The Battle Hymn of the Republic and the National Anthem. I'm sure you'll be happy to substitute Imagine, I'd Like to Teach the World to Sing, Kum Ba Ya or We Are the World.
We'll practice trickle down economics and you can give trickle up poverty your best shot. Since it often so offends you, we'll keep our history, our name and our flag.
Would you agree to this? If so, please pass it along to other like minded liberal and conservative patriots and if you do not agree, just hit delete. In the spirit of friendly parting, I'll bet you which one of us will need whose help in 15 years.
John J. Wall
Law Student and an American
P.S. Also, please take Barbara Streisand & Jane Fonda with you.
John King said... Never been to your site before. I thought you were maybe Jim McMahon, former Bears quarterback. Wow, what a disappointment. My thoughts on you and your sad little diatribes here:
1) You are a real asshole, and a complete fucking joke of a man. Your tough guy shtick is very much lost on me and probably anyone with half of a brain. Did you go to high school? Can you do arithmetic in your head? Patriot Guard? American Grand Jury? Are you fucking kidding me? Are you fucking serious? Saturday Night Live couldn't make up shit that was more ridiculous. You guys actually get together and do stuff under these umbrellas? What a giant circle jerk for a bunch of reactive nutjobs. I hope you guys have a great time at your little jagoff meetings. Sounds like a lot of fun.
2) You are a disgrace to the fine City of Chicago, and the great United States of America.
3) Take your racist head and shove up all three generations of your doubtlessly horrid and equally racist family history. Oh right, you're not racist. You think anyone's buying that shit you're selling? Your racism is thinly veiled at best, and horribly atrocious at worst. With your name I am presuming you are Irish, like myself. Do you not realize that your own people were subjected to the same hatreds that you now project upon the President of our own country? Do you know what a mick is? A narrowback? A Paddy? That's you, pal. Just a hundred years removed. You'd think white people would get over their fear of black people at some point. Many or most have. You instead have decided to stockpile firearms and breathe hatred, the hatred of 400 years of oppression on our soil. You sad little man. Oh right, you're not racist. Sorry.
4) Barack Obama is a thousand times the man you ever wish you could be. I'm no huge Obama supporter, but give me a fucking break. You think you have anything to say about Barack Obama that matters? I wouldn't dare say half this shit that you say about a man clearly superior in intellect and accomplishment. How many classes you teach at University of fucking Chicago? How many political offices have you held? Have you ever even been to Washington DC? Oh wait - the NRA Christmas Cruise doesn't stop in DC anymore. For parity's sake, other similar men of equal note include John McCain and Mitt Romney. I am no partisan hack. I just respect men when they deserve it. You sir have no such respect and deserve the same lack of respect in return.
6) It is very frightening that you are a member of an organization so vital to the public health. I hope that your more deserving and certainly more human Fire Department colleagues don't decide to leave you behind in a burning building one day. I herald all things great about the City of Chicago, including our brave and valorous Fire Department. But even such a grand organization will contain losers, apparently. You are one such loser, sir. I feel sorry for you.
7) Keep on keeping on. "People" like you provide the entertainment I need to keep laughing through this wonderful life I have. Needless to say that life was given to me by my parents - and not by any god that you propose to believe in. You moron.
-John King, 29 years old
johnwking -AT- gmail -DOT- -COM-
I voted Democrat because: I believe oil companies' profits of 4% on a gallon of gas are obscene but the government taxing the same gallon of gas at 15% isn't.
I voted Democrat because: I believe the government will do a better job of spending the money I earn than I would.
I voted Democrat because: Freedom of speech is fine as long as nobody is offended by it.
I voted Democrat because:
When we pull out of Iraq I trust that the bad guys will stop what they are doing because they now think we are good people.
I voted Democrat because:
I'm way too irresponsible to own a gun, and I know that my local police are all I need to protect me from murderers and thieves.
I voted Democrat because:
I believe that people who can't tell us if it will rain on
Friday can tell us that the polar ice caps will melt away in ten years if I don't start driving a Prius. I voted Democrat because: I'm not concerned about the slaughter of millions of unborn babies so long as we keep all death row inmates alive.
I voted Democrat because: I think illegal aliens have a right to free health care, education, and Social Security benefits.
I voted Democrat because: I believe that business should not be allowed to make profits for themselves. They need to break even and give the rest away to the government for redistribution as the democrats see fit.
I voted Democrat because: I believe liberal judges need to rewrite The Constitution every few years to suit some fringe kooks who would never get their agendas past the voters.
I voted Democrat because: My head is so firmly planted up my rearend that it is unlikely I'll ever have another point of view.
I voted Democrat because: I value the words and ideals of Karl Marx and Saul Alinsky more than I do those of Thomas Jefferson and George Washington.
The worst form of inequality is to try to make unequal things equal. - Aristotle
This will be a collection of videos, photographs, and funny stories that have been sent to me by various people. These are here for your amusement and enjoyment. None are meant to offend, but some might. I hope to post something new here each day.
WARNING: It's best to come here on an empty stomach, and please don't take a mouthful of coffee until you've read the latest post.
As the new videos from News Busted come out, they will be embedded here as well. "Let's get started."
Obama, your Imperial Majesty has spoken
IT SEEMS THAT OBAMA'S PEN IS MORE POWERFUL THAT THE FOUNDERS QUILL!
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